Bo and I leave in the morning for a weekend getaway to Daytona Beach. He will be driving around the Daytona Speedway, hopefully getting up to a speed that thrills him, on Saturday afternoon. It should be fun. We will also go see his first home (he was born in Titusville, FL and lived there many of his young years).
Looking forward to the reading time on the airplane ~ aka: "without kids" ~ and the rest and refreshment for both of us. :-)
Have a blessed weekend.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Weary ~
Okay,
So God finally gave clear direction about next year. My husband came home a few weeks ago to tell me that he believed Home Schooling was what Michelle needed and I should begin next fall. I was elated and my daughter was thrilled.
Now...my former husband is NOT okay with this. I have tried to be very open and explanatory with him as well as accountable to all of my reasons and the school SOL requirements for next year. I had pitched it to him a year ago as something I was considering and at that time all he had against it was socialization according to our discussion.
Now, he is staunchly refusing to support this decision. I am grieved and heartsick with the constancy of struggles related to our divorce. We have completely different lifestyles and values. He cannot see our daughter's need for the things she is not recieving yet seeks out frequently from me. A need that I have been praying about and crying about for several years in seeking how God would minister to her.
She also has a bona fide learning disability, which I sensed over and over, but could get nobody in the schools, nor her dad, to agree. Each time I have sought help I have been told it is her lack of focus and nothing more. She just "underperforms" because she "doesn't concentrate/doesn't want to do it." Well, after outside testing I had done recently, she has now been officially "diagnosed." She fits the profile for GT/LD (gifted and learning challenged). She also has significant emotional issues related to her body make up, the divorce, and her need for her dad's love and approval. This has caused much grief in her life and continues with a vengeance...this was also noted in the evaluation that was completed.
Home schooling is what makes the most sense - both emotionally to support her, as well as intellectually (not to mention spiritually, but her dad balks at the very mention of God when that is brought up, so I have kept my discussions with him related to mostly intellect, some emotional). I am TRAINED in her very area of disability. I work with kids with similar issues every day at my job in the private school. I also home school her nearly every day after school because of her needs. He doesn't see any of that, his comment today is similar to the school's comments to me over the years - "her grades are okay, I don't see a need for it."
I am trusting God on this one. He brought us to it, He will bring it to pass if indeed we heard Him correctly. She has asked for it for years, but cannot stand in the face of her dad's resistance as it puts her into an emotional bind. I cannot ask her to stand in court if he takes it to court as it will break her in two. Do we press through the emotional distress now to feed the needs she really has, or do we acquiese to her dad's refusal in order to keep the peace?
Pray for wisdom for me, please. I am so sad tonight. All I want is what is best for Michelle, but I don't know clearly how and what right now. In following what I was led to believe was clearly for her, I have run into a brick wall of prejudice...I wish I knew what was right.
Bo said we need to pray and see if this is the wrong decision. While I always agree that prayer is important, I am also frustrated, because it was through ongoing prayer that we were led to this decision in the first place. Neither of us was for home schooling years ago. I want to pray to seek God's power to stand firm in this decision, as well as His power to change the heart of her dad, since He was who turned our hearts and minds to this plan. If reading this, I would be greatly appreciative if you would lift up your voice for a brief moment to our LORD and ask Him to speak His words into my heart ~ thank you. Be blessed today ~
So God finally gave clear direction about next year. My husband came home a few weeks ago to tell me that he believed Home Schooling was what Michelle needed and I should begin next fall. I was elated and my daughter was thrilled.
Now...my former husband is NOT okay with this. I have tried to be very open and explanatory with him as well as accountable to all of my reasons and the school SOL requirements for next year. I had pitched it to him a year ago as something I was considering and at that time all he had against it was socialization according to our discussion.
Now, he is staunchly refusing to support this decision. I am grieved and heartsick with the constancy of struggles related to our divorce. We have completely different lifestyles and values. He cannot see our daughter's need for the things she is not recieving yet seeks out frequently from me. A need that I have been praying about and crying about for several years in seeking how God would minister to her.
She also has a bona fide learning disability, which I sensed over and over, but could get nobody in the schools, nor her dad, to agree. Each time I have sought help I have been told it is her lack of focus and nothing more. She just "underperforms" because she "doesn't concentrate/doesn't want to do it." Well, after outside testing I had done recently, she has now been officially "diagnosed." She fits the profile for GT/LD (gifted and learning challenged). She also has significant emotional issues related to her body make up, the divorce, and her need for her dad's love and approval. This has caused much grief in her life and continues with a vengeance...this was also noted in the evaluation that was completed.
Home schooling is what makes the most sense - both emotionally to support her, as well as intellectually (not to mention spiritually, but her dad balks at the very mention of God when that is brought up, so I have kept my discussions with him related to mostly intellect, some emotional). I am TRAINED in her very area of disability. I work with kids with similar issues every day at my job in the private school. I also home school her nearly every day after school because of her needs. He doesn't see any of that, his comment today is similar to the school's comments to me over the years - "her grades are okay, I don't see a need for it."
I am trusting God on this one. He brought us to it, He will bring it to pass if indeed we heard Him correctly. She has asked for it for years, but cannot stand in the face of her dad's resistance as it puts her into an emotional bind. I cannot ask her to stand in court if he takes it to court as it will break her in two. Do we press through the emotional distress now to feed the needs she really has, or do we acquiese to her dad's refusal in order to keep the peace?
Pray for wisdom for me, please. I am so sad tonight. All I want is what is best for Michelle, but I don't know clearly how and what right now. In following what I was led to believe was clearly for her, I have run into a brick wall of prejudice...I wish I knew what was right.
Bo said we need to pray and see if this is the wrong decision. While I always agree that prayer is important, I am also frustrated, because it was through ongoing prayer that we were led to this decision in the first place. Neither of us was for home schooling years ago. I want to pray to seek God's power to stand firm in this decision, as well as His power to change the heart of her dad, since He was who turned our hearts and minds to this plan. If reading this, I would be greatly appreciative if you would lift up your voice for a brief moment to our LORD and ask Him to speak His words into my heart ~ thank you. Be blessed today ~
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I have had so many thoughts to post about lately; as is evidenced by my scattered post below ~ so many run on sentences in my head, with thoughts in multiple directions about multiple things. Gloriously, God provides respite from my thoughts by getting me involved in activities that serve rather than consume mental time.
I had the privilege last night of listening to a man by the name of John Baxter. He is a main player in the Adventist Frontier Missions Organization. His testimony is fascinating, and his heart, beautiful ~ provoking all in listening to consider how we are serving the Lord versus being complacent in a comfort zone among fellow Christians.
Mr. Baxter was a cocaine addict, alcoholic, demon possessed multimillion dollar international banker 20 years ago when God got a hold of him. His story is nothing short amazing and certainly a magnification of God’s incredible power and grace. I found him quite likable and began thinking about our former Pastor who now serves as the national mobilizer for international missions through SIM ~ I thought they would very much enjoy one another as they had a similar dogged passion to challenge people to step up and respond to God’s call.
He shared some of his stories from serving in Hindu and Buddhist countries; he served in India for ten years with his family. During that time experienced many threats of beatings, stonings, the killing of his wife and kids, etc. but God always gave him an otherworldy peace (though did not always take from him the very real fear he experienced in many of those instances) as well as delivered him from these threats as he has stood firm in faith (sometimes while praying for more faith). He spoke passionately about how we are in a war ~ Christ is our commander in chief and we must be distrustful of ourselves, but confident in our Savior. Oh what preciously true words; How often we are so trusting in ourselves and our own resources when to put it in God’s hands would be our wisest option.
A few points he made during his sharing about God’s incredible majesty, included the falling away from Christ experienced in North America (there are more Christians in Africa now than in North America by his statistics) ~ he believes it parallels the Israelites in the Old Testament who pushed forward to conquer territories, but then settled and didn’t continue to forward push once they had defeated a few of the foes and garnered some of the promised land…so they eventually got muddled by the surrounding cultures that they had not won over. He exhorted that we are called to press on and press in. As I was listening, the verse in Matthew came to me...“the gates of Hades will not overcome us(it/the church).”
He suggested that many Christians spend too much time on the internet and in other forms of focus versus on their knees pleading with God to save others ~ he said that we all have baggage, we all have pain and needs, but if we choose not to look at ourselves but look at Jesus Christ and at serving others’ needs, the true joy will come. I was moved with compassion at these words. How often do I pray for those outside my sphere of focus? Rarely. Yet how effective is prayer? Demonstrably one of the most powerful forces in our universe; I petition the Lord, now, to lay it upon my heart to expand toward others I do not even know, outside of the city and state in which I live, outside of our government, and into the reaches of His eyes and heart, that I might fully be used to serve.
I had hoped to get back today to hear his full testimony at their church service (last night was a small gathering to share with the local SDA college students ~ many of whom feel called to go into international missions), but was unable. I hope to get a copy of the service as it has his testimony and he shared with me last night that it is so remarkable he even has a hard time believing it. I love stories that magnify God so powerfully. They renew my faith and refresh my spirit.
I had the privilege last night of listening to a man by the name of John Baxter. He is a main player in the Adventist Frontier Missions Organization. His testimony is fascinating, and his heart, beautiful ~ provoking all in listening to consider how we are serving the Lord versus being complacent in a comfort zone among fellow Christians.
Mr. Baxter was a cocaine addict, alcoholic, demon possessed multimillion dollar international banker 20 years ago when God got a hold of him. His story is nothing short amazing and certainly a magnification of God’s incredible power and grace. I found him quite likable and began thinking about our former Pastor who now serves as the national mobilizer for international missions through SIM ~ I thought they would very much enjoy one another as they had a similar dogged passion to challenge people to step up and respond to God’s call.
He shared some of his stories from serving in Hindu and Buddhist countries; he served in India for ten years with his family. During that time experienced many threats of beatings, stonings, the killing of his wife and kids, etc. but God always gave him an otherworldy peace (though did not always take from him the very real fear he experienced in many of those instances) as well as delivered him from these threats as he has stood firm in faith (sometimes while praying for more faith). He spoke passionately about how we are in a war ~ Christ is our commander in chief and we must be distrustful of ourselves, but confident in our Savior. Oh what preciously true words; How often we are so trusting in ourselves and our own resources when to put it in God’s hands would be our wisest option.
A few points he made during his sharing about God’s incredible majesty, included the falling away from Christ experienced in North America (there are more Christians in Africa now than in North America by his statistics) ~ he believes it parallels the Israelites in the Old Testament who pushed forward to conquer territories, but then settled and didn’t continue to forward push once they had defeated a few of the foes and garnered some of the promised land…so they eventually got muddled by the surrounding cultures that they had not won over. He exhorted that we are called to press on and press in. As I was listening, the verse in Matthew came to me...“the gates of Hades will not overcome us(it/the church).”
He suggested that many Christians spend too much time on the internet and in other forms of focus versus on their knees pleading with God to save others ~ he said that we all have baggage, we all have pain and needs, but if we choose not to look at ourselves but look at Jesus Christ and at serving others’ needs, the true joy will come. I was moved with compassion at these words. How often do I pray for those outside my sphere of focus? Rarely. Yet how effective is prayer? Demonstrably one of the most powerful forces in our universe; I petition the Lord, now, to lay it upon my heart to expand toward others I do not even know, outside of the city and state in which I live, outside of our government, and into the reaches of His eyes and heart, that I might fully be used to serve.
I had hoped to get back today to hear his full testimony at their church service (last night was a small gathering to share with the local SDA college students ~ many of whom feel called to go into international missions), but was unable. I hope to get a copy of the service as it has his testimony and he shared with me last night that it is so remarkable he even has a hard time believing it. I love stories that magnify God so powerfully. They renew my faith and refresh my spirit.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Speed of Life ~
Life has been very busy lately ~ it always seems as the school year winds down, things wind up. We've had standards of learning tests for Michelle (state tests for public education) for three weeks; involving homework on the computer every night for forty minutes taking practice tests, multiple birthday party invitations (must be cold weather adds babies...), a new hamster to help adjust to the home (God provided a cutie patootie, but he was a biter at first as he was so scared of the new digs and all the kids eager to grasp him ~ he is doing very well now; I will share his photo op at another time), my work sending many kids my way (end of the year; families want to know before next year what might be challenging their children since they haven't yet "grown out of" the issues that faced them early in the year), and my time searching many tomes related to Home Schooling in order to provide my children what they need, while seeking to alleviate my former husband's significant concerns that I do indeed have understanding and can give them all that they are supposed to be receiving from the public schools ~
We also have upcoming field trips the kids want someone to go on with them, sickness (I picked up Kari from school today, just after I had gotten home from volunteering ~ a few minutes later volunteering and timing would have been perfect!) a piano recital that coincides with vision therapy (so VT needs rescheduling), and lunches that I promised that need to be scheduled (my going in to eat with the girls). Rose's preschool ended Tuesday (I had thought Wednesday was the last day, so was scrambling for a baby sitter for Wednesday so I could work), and she helped me with my volunteer work in the library at the girls' school today. I am glad she is a calmer spirit than some of my children ~ otherwise I would have had to resign from that work before the end of the school year, and they often need it more now as the shelves become more chaotic for some reason (we haven't figured that one out). :-)
I have also been thrilled to see lots of rain, and have been eagerly planting seeds and other annuals/perennials in between the storms ~ taking advantage of the opportunities when possible since it is a smattering of days without rain. God has blessed us tremendously after a very dry season in Northern Virginia. We are grateful (well, some of us are; the people at the park yesterday weren't too happy when it began to sprinkle again, as well as get cooler around 5:30 p.m. ~ I just thought it the perfect time to wrap up and get home to make some dinner; especially since I had wanted to but the kids didn't want to leave)
All in all, a busy month that has been well worth the time spent on kids, family, work and home. Lord, keep my hastiness in body only, and may my mind continue to dwell upon you as the source and satisfaction. May I ruthlessly eliminate hurry while managing busyness ~
We also have upcoming field trips the kids want someone to go on with them, sickness (I picked up Kari from school today, just after I had gotten home from volunteering ~ a few minutes later volunteering and timing would have been perfect!) a piano recital that coincides with vision therapy (so VT needs rescheduling), and lunches that I promised that need to be scheduled (my going in to eat with the girls). Rose's preschool ended Tuesday (I had thought Wednesday was the last day, so was scrambling for a baby sitter for Wednesday so I could work), and she helped me with my volunteer work in the library at the girls' school today. I am glad she is a calmer spirit than some of my children ~ otherwise I would have had to resign from that work before the end of the school year, and they often need it more now as the shelves become more chaotic for some reason (we haven't figured that one out). :-)
I have also been thrilled to see lots of rain, and have been eagerly planting seeds and other annuals/perennials in between the storms ~ taking advantage of the opportunities when possible since it is a smattering of days without rain. God has blessed us tremendously after a very dry season in Northern Virginia. We are grateful (well, some of us are; the people at the park yesterday weren't too happy when it began to sprinkle again, as well as get cooler around 5:30 p.m. ~ I just thought it the perfect time to wrap up and get home to make some dinner; especially since I had wanted to but the kids didn't want to leave)
All in all, a busy month that has been well worth the time spent on kids, family, work and home. Lord, keep my hastiness in body only, and may my mind continue to dwell upon you as the source and satisfaction. May I ruthlessly eliminate hurry while managing busyness ~
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Welcome To Paradise
I have discovered "Redbox" movies. For merely $1.05/day you can rent a movie from a big red box located inside grocery stores and Wal Marts. I love movies, and have found some really terrific ones lately ~ Freedom Writers, The Ultimate Gift, We are Marshall, Elizabeth, the Golden Age (I think that was it, Becoming Jane, The Martian Child, Dan In Real Life...
Yesterday I rented one called Welcome to Paradise. I had not ever heard of this movie, but it looked good from the write up and seemed less violent than many that were available on Friday night. An added plus was that, though it wasn't too filled with shoot em up drama, it didn't appear to be a "chick flick" and I thought Bo would enjoy watching with me (we loved Dan In Real Life last weekend).
We really enjoyed it. I thought it was Fabulous ~ similar vein to many of the Christian movies published by smaller companies lately. A movie about really finding God and not playing religion. I have seen several of these in the last few months; usually borrowed from friends or purchased from CBD, but hadn't seen many among the recently recommended rentals so was delighted to find it by accident.
I would encourage anyone who is looking for a good sleeper to rent it. You won't be disappointed. All of the ones I have listed were good for various reasons (if you need ideas), but this one was tender as well, which I enjoyed. Thanks be to God that we can continue to find some shinier gems among the mixes ~ Bless Him.
Yesterday I rented one called Welcome to Paradise. I had not ever heard of this movie, but it looked good from the write up and seemed less violent than many that were available on Friday night. An added plus was that, though it wasn't too filled with shoot em up drama, it didn't appear to be a "chick flick" and I thought Bo would enjoy watching with me (we loved Dan In Real Life last weekend).
We really enjoyed it. I thought it was Fabulous ~ similar vein to many of the Christian movies published by smaller companies lately. A movie about really finding God and not playing religion. I have seen several of these in the last few months; usually borrowed from friends or purchased from CBD, but hadn't seen many among the recently recommended rentals so was delighted to find it by accident.
I would encourage anyone who is looking for a good sleeper to rent it. You won't be disappointed. All of the ones I have listed were good for various reasons (if you need ideas), but this one was tender as well, which I enjoyed. Thanks be to God that we can continue to find some shinier gems among the mixes ~ Bless Him.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Blessings Flow ~
I am so thankful for God's absolute delight in and love for us these days...especially how He has shared it with me. Over and over recently He has shown me how fond of me He is. It has been through unexpected giftings here and there. Some have been through other people in words or action, some have been through His creations, and some have been straight from His heart to mine...what an awesome God we serve. I am being refreshed. Praise Him.
Today I enjoyed a participating in an "Hawaiian Luau" in my daughter's preschool classroom (to celebrate Mother's Day). The room was decked out with flower streamers at the door, leis as we entered and colorful banners. The teacher (talented as she is) had even carved a whale out of a watermelon as a table centerpiece. It was such fun to listen to the kids sing their love to us in a song aptly named "Hawaiian Rainbow." We also got to dance a fun jig with them. Something about little kids and activities such as this is always heart tickling.
That would have been plenty for today ~ however, when I returned home there was a vase on the front doorstep with my favorite flowers inside. When I saw they were my favorite (Shasta Daisies), I knew it had to be from someone who knew me well. I don't tell many people my favorite as it isn't something that often comes up in conversation, and they are not in my yard (yet) because I have not had success wtih them here at this time (I will, though, I keep trying). As I read the card I was touched with gratitude and gladness. My sister and her husband had sent them to me for Mother's Day. How incredibly sweet. I adore my sister. She is my dearest friend, and I am so blessed to have her.
Rose and I have already enjoyed them (see below). I can't wait to share with the rest of the family.
Today I enjoyed a participating in an "Hawaiian Luau" in my daughter's preschool classroom (to celebrate Mother's Day). The room was decked out with flower streamers at the door, leis as we entered and colorful banners. The teacher (talented as she is) had even carved a whale out of a watermelon as a table centerpiece. It was such fun to listen to the kids sing their love to us in a song aptly named "Hawaiian Rainbow." We also got to dance a fun jig with them. Something about little kids and activities such as this is always heart tickling.
That would have been plenty for today ~ however, when I returned home there was a vase on the front doorstep with my favorite flowers inside. When I saw they were my favorite (Shasta Daisies), I knew it had to be from someone who knew me well. I don't tell many people my favorite as it isn't something that often comes up in conversation, and they are not in my yard (yet) because I have not had success wtih them here at this time (I will, though, I keep trying). As I read the card I was touched with gratitude and gladness. My sister and her husband had sent them to me for Mother's Day. How incredibly sweet. I adore my sister. She is my dearest friend, and I am so blessed to have her.
Rose and I have already enjoyed them (see below). I can't wait to share with the rest of the family.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
PRAISE!
Thank you for all who have been praying for our family to find God's direction for my next year. I am thrilled He has spoken clearly to both my husband and myself.Last night we decided that I would resign my position and begin home schooling the older two in the fall. I am not yet sure about little Rose (preschool) as I don't think I can manage teaching all three the first year home; it is quite daunting for me even with two as Michelle requires much extra care at the current time...
However, God is sooo good. My DH looked at me last night and noted that I was always pulled in too many directions and torn because my heart is at home with the family and the kids, and we talked about how it could work. God will surely provide the avenue, He has been so faithful in all of our decreases with my work schedule (and decreases with my hubby's last year) ~ I am thrilled.
My boss was totally accepting even though she has nobody to replace me. She knows my heart and shares a love for our LORD. Oh Praise Him ~ He is mighty and good.
It is with gratitude and humility that I again thank you for walking this path with me.
Many blessings!
Christie
However, God is sooo good. My DH looked at me last night and noted that I was always pulled in too many directions and torn because my heart is at home with the family and the kids, and we talked about how it could work. God will surely provide the avenue, He has been so faithful in all of our decreases with my work schedule (and decreases with my hubby's last year) ~ I am thrilled.
My boss was totally accepting even though she has nobody to replace me. She knows my heart and shares a love for our LORD. Oh Praise Him ~ He is mighty and good.
It is with gratitude and humility that I again thank you for walking this path with me.
Many blessings!
Christie
Friday, May 2, 2008
Spring!
I love this time of year; the colors in Virginia are amazing as trees, azaleas and flowers begin blooming all around. We have had some warm weather interspersed with cool...and lots of rain.
The other day, the contrast of light after rain brought incredible beauty to my block. As I was returning home in my car, I smiled as I watched petals dance in a whilrwind in front of me at the street where I was turning ~ as if responding to a symphony that only they had heard, they stirred, gathered together, and then spun around in a carefully orchestrated display that was evidenced by only me; God is so kind to us to share delights. It reminded me of the fairy tales I have watched with my kids when "magic" is about to occur and the floor begins to whirl with dust as something is created amid that whirl ~ except what was created was already in existence, it just picked up a life of its own for a brief, delightful, dance.
As I neared our driveway, I was astounded by the clarity of color ~ it was awesome!
I felt as if I had entered a different place; a sea of pink petals covered the lower portion of my neighbor's yard, and my driveway was lined with pink as well. The same kind of petals I had seen dancing in the wind, were shimmering in a peaceful lake next to the road, and rivers along our driveway. I can't begin to speak the feeling I got when standing there in awe after I parked...I wish I could impart the experience...
Thank you, Lord, for the wonder of your creation. Thank you that I am privileged to witness the changes of seasons through the life and death of your flowers and trees. Thank you that you have given us such beauty for the ashes which we often give to you. Bless you, Lord. Thank you for your love.
The other day, the contrast of light after rain brought incredible beauty to my block. As I was returning home in my car, I smiled as I watched petals dance in a whilrwind in front of me at the street where I was turning ~ as if responding to a symphony that only they had heard, they stirred, gathered together, and then spun around in a carefully orchestrated display that was evidenced by only me; God is so kind to us to share delights. It reminded me of the fairy tales I have watched with my kids when "magic" is about to occur and the floor begins to whirl with dust as something is created amid that whirl ~ except what was created was already in existence, it just picked up a life of its own for a brief, delightful, dance.
As I neared our driveway, I was astounded by the clarity of color ~ it was awesome!
I felt as if I had entered a different place; a sea of pink petals covered the lower portion of my neighbor's yard, and my driveway was lined with pink as well. The same kind of petals I had seen dancing in the wind, were shimmering in a peaceful lake next to the road, and rivers along our driveway. I can't begin to speak the feeling I got when standing there in awe after I parked...I wish I could impart the experience...
Thank you, Lord, for the wonder of your creation. Thank you that I am privileged to witness the changes of seasons through the life and death of your flowers and trees. Thank you that you have given us such beauty for the ashes which we often give to you. Bless you, Lord. Thank you for your love.
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