I have been blessed to be allowed to homeschool my 11 year old daughter again this year. She is the child whom God gave me specifically ~ to both reach her heart when it would crumple, and to work in me more patience, understanding and temperance as I strive to understand her way of thinking and relating to the world, which is so very foreign to mine.
Today we are in another time of push and pull, though it is more peaceful. The rebellion of youth came to a head a few weeks ago ~ with backtalk, eye rolling and the like coming at me in response to nearly every word I spoke. While I have often been willing to understand her impulsive speech challenges (as I have some of those, myself), I cannot allow blatant disrespect nor habitual independence from instructions given by mom (aka: authority that is loving, therefore to be ignored in her mind).
I hate having to "parent hard." I would much prefer talking to my kids and having them "get it." Why can't we all just get along and be loving is a persistent thought in my head. However, with this one ~ when I give an inch of concession, a yard is most often stolen. When I crack down lightly, obedience is not maintained. So, once again I needed to get tough and play bad guy; *sigh* staying tight, firm, and consistent (anyone with kids knows how incredibly tough that task can be).
What a joy it has been to see her starting to "get it" this time around. After consistent discipline (aka: loss of many privileges for about three weeks stemming from correction for every incident of "backtalk," regardless of how strong or slight) I have seen some improvements. Today we lost the privilege of attending a birthday party tomorrow because of lack of willingness to do what we were supposed to related to morning school work (half-way approach versus diligence)...that was a tough one...however, once the tears were finished, and she knew I wasn't budging, she complied with the need to call and cancel her participation.
Oh, the trials of shaping character in children ~ I often wonder if the parents hurt as much (if not more) as the children during this process. I am thankful that not all of my children are the same, and likely I will not have to resort to such extremes with the other two, but I am also prayerful that my eldest will soon rise up to grasp the full picture, that she might integrate it into her spirit and become the beautiful lady God created her to be. Still a pistol, still uniquely creative and gregarious, but obedient and blessed by boundaries that provide us a cocoon from which to live.
Although I am sure we have much more to accomplish in this current pre-teen behavior, I am certain that without the opportunity to be home with her each day, this growing period would have been so much harder to nip in the bud. For that, I say a hearty Thank You, Lord, for the daily lessons You provide, and the opportunities to grow as we nurture and train our children.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
As I have continued to recognize my impurities (see prior post) and seek more deeply to listen to the incredible joys the Lord desires to share with us, I have been coming out of my fogginess. I am still fatigued,but seeking ways to combat that more consistenly (more vitamins, going to bed earlier when possible, getting going more slowly on the mornings I can do so...). In the process, our loving Lord and Daddy has been bringing some great things to my attention...things He began in me long ago that had been shelved for lack of pressing~ness in my life. I have been really enjoying recognizing His hand and His work in me as He has unveiled a few mysteries...
Years ago (likely twelve or thirteen), I was taking a 9 week class that used a 12 circuit labyrinth for meditation and focus ~ the church I belonged to at the time had a labyrinth on their grounds and it was a very peaceful place to wander. Learning to wander along the path, praying "to God" in in the form of questions or musings as the circuitous directions took me away from center more times than toward (e.g. no quick prayer or ability to focus upon the end), then resting in the middle, while standing or kneeling in one of the clover leaves, supplicating myself and trusting Him to respond...eternally grateful that He even cared, let alone specifically for me...then returning on the path while "listening" for inner promptings of His Spirit's response ~ was good discipline for me regarding not just talking to God in prayer, but waiting on Him as well.
One of our weekly lessons focused upon what God's name for us might be. In the Bible, God often renames His people when he imparts His breath ~ His very purpose for creating them ~ more directly their lives - Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Paul... We were studying this aspect of God and then given the opportunity to explore that with Him in the labyrinth. I was at a difficult time in life related to my marriage and I really wanted to matter to God. I was hoping for something that would illumine me and make me feel good (of course, this was not God's plan, but I thought He might indulge me). God did respond to my prayers that day ~ and He gave me the word "Honor." While I argued with Him about this (it didn't make sense to my limited mind and didn't seem "important" related to my life and the great things I wanted to do for Him). I know that sounds silly to anybody reading this, as it is an amazing word ~ but at that time, given my circumstances, it was not what I wanted to hear.
However, I did take it to heart (somewhat reluctantly) and began exploring the "what" about Honor; how to honor others more fully with His heart, and how I might be dishonoring Him with choices, activities, and thoughts. That experience soon worked its way out of my perceptual lens as life went on and I continued to treat our precious Savior as if he were my co-pilot more often than I thought about Him as Lord.
In my desperate pursuit to understand what He has been working in my life ~ for what purposes and why...as well as what I am missing in my learning (it seems I keep coming to the same darn areas of sin and challenge) and what I can be doing to grow faster and better embrace what He is trying to teach me (ha ha, I am way too intellectual often and just really want to get off this roller coaster at times)...He has recently blessed me beyond measure. My season of wilderness is coming to a close (Hallelujah!!) and I am seeing the fruit He has been forming as I look back over the years of struggle ~
God has shown me that He still wants me to learn "honor" toward everyone in my life. He worked honor through me as a child ~ toward parents, friends, those in authority and those whom others did not consider "worthy" of respect or attention. I had many instances in my younger years where I was the lone person standing up for the spark of goodness in others. I went to bat for the "underdog" so often, and saw the possibilities rather than the failures in the lives of those around me. It was as natural to me as breathing and I really couldn't jump in with the alternatives. I just didn't know then that it was God working through me creating and allowing this vision of my heart. And I didn't understand why others couldn't see things this way.
As I progressed toward independence and into adulthood, I continued to see the good in everyone. I honored where they were, where they had come from, and the divine in their spirit. I trusted that everyone had a purpose and nobody was better than anybody else. I had such a wide variety of friends, many of whom would not be caught in the same location let alone the same room. People were so interesting to me, and there was so much wonder to capture when choosing to see through their eyes for a moment. I loved the many experiences I had and things I discovered during that time. I didn't embrace the realities of all of my friends, by any means, but I enjoyed learning about them.
In the last fourteen years, I have been challenged to honor those who dishonor me by their choices and actions as well as have been challenged to step up and honor those who dishonor themselves either flagrantly or more passively. As I grew in God's strength with this very important talent, He continued to refine me and take me deeper into awareness of His sufferings for His very own who live such dishonoring lives (myself included) as well as His great and incredible love and forgiveness for them. He has given me new opportunities in the last few years to learn how to honor, with His love, those who actively seek to hurt and dishonor me. He has shown me how He was preparing me for a "time such as this." I am still ill-equipped and highly imperfect, but He is showing me a deeper place of intimacy with His heart for us...a place that loves us completely despite our imperfections, hatreds, evil thoughts and disputes with His purity and holiness. He is working with me in learning how to reflect this to everyone in our world. What an incredible privilege ~ to share the heart of God ~ isn't that what we are all called to do? Thanks be to God, our Father and Lord...Glory to Him on high.
Years ago (likely twelve or thirteen), I was taking a 9 week class that used a 12 circuit labyrinth for meditation and focus ~ the church I belonged to at the time had a labyrinth on their grounds and it was a very peaceful place to wander. Learning to wander along the path, praying "to God" in in the form of questions or musings as the circuitous directions took me away from center more times than toward (e.g. no quick prayer or ability to focus upon the end), then resting in the middle, while standing or kneeling in one of the clover leaves, supplicating myself and trusting Him to respond...eternally grateful that He even cared, let alone specifically for me...then returning on the path while "listening" for inner promptings of His Spirit's response ~ was good discipline for me regarding not just talking to God in prayer, but waiting on Him as well.
One of our weekly lessons focused upon what God's name for us might be. In the Bible, God often renames His people when he imparts His breath ~ His very purpose for creating them ~ more directly their lives - Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Paul... We were studying this aspect of God and then given the opportunity to explore that with Him in the labyrinth. I was at a difficult time in life related to my marriage and I really wanted to matter to God. I was hoping for something that would illumine me and make me feel good (of course, this was not God's plan, but I thought He might indulge me). God did respond to my prayers that day ~ and He gave me the word "Honor." While I argued with Him about this (it didn't make sense to my limited mind and didn't seem "important" related to my life and the great things I wanted to do for Him). I know that sounds silly to anybody reading this, as it is an amazing word ~ but at that time, given my circumstances, it was not what I wanted to hear.
However, I did take it to heart (somewhat reluctantly) and began exploring the "what" about Honor; how to honor others more fully with His heart, and how I might be dishonoring Him with choices, activities, and thoughts. That experience soon worked its way out of my perceptual lens as life went on and I continued to treat our precious Savior as if he were my co-pilot more often than I thought about Him as Lord.
In my desperate pursuit to understand what He has been working in my life ~ for what purposes and why...as well as what I am missing in my learning (it seems I keep coming to the same darn areas of sin and challenge) and what I can be doing to grow faster and better embrace what He is trying to teach me (ha ha, I am way too intellectual often and just really want to get off this roller coaster at times)...He has recently blessed me beyond measure. My season of wilderness is coming to a close (Hallelujah!!) and I am seeing the fruit He has been forming as I look back over the years of struggle ~
God has shown me that He still wants me to learn "honor" toward everyone in my life. He worked honor through me as a child ~ toward parents, friends, those in authority and those whom others did not consider "worthy" of respect or attention. I had many instances in my younger years where I was the lone person standing up for the spark of goodness in others. I went to bat for the "underdog" so often, and saw the possibilities rather than the failures in the lives of those around me. It was as natural to me as breathing and I really couldn't jump in with the alternatives. I just didn't know then that it was God working through me creating and allowing this vision of my heart. And I didn't understand why others couldn't see things this way.
As I progressed toward independence and into adulthood, I continued to see the good in everyone. I honored where they were, where they had come from, and the divine in their spirit. I trusted that everyone had a purpose and nobody was better than anybody else. I had such a wide variety of friends, many of whom would not be caught in the same location let alone the same room. People were so interesting to me, and there was so much wonder to capture when choosing to see through their eyes for a moment. I loved the many experiences I had and things I discovered during that time. I didn't embrace the realities of all of my friends, by any means, but I enjoyed learning about them.
In the last fourteen years, I have been challenged to honor those who dishonor me by their choices and actions as well as have been challenged to step up and honor those who dishonor themselves either flagrantly or more passively. As I grew in God's strength with this very important talent, He continued to refine me and take me deeper into awareness of His sufferings for His very own who live such dishonoring lives (myself included) as well as His great and incredible love and forgiveness for them. He has given me new opportunities in the last few years to learn how to honor, with His love, those who actively seek to hurt and dishonor me. He has shown me how He was preparing me for a "time such as this." I am still ill-equipped and highly imperfect, but He is showing me a deeper place of intimacy with His heart for us...a place that loves us completely despite our imperfections, hatreds, evil thoughts and disputes with His purity and holiness. He is working with me in learning how to reflect this to everyone in our world. What an incredible privilege ~ to share the heart of God ~ isn't that what we are all called to do? Thanks be to God, our Father and Lord...Glory to Him on high.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Going Deeper
I have been in a bog (kind of like "blah" and "fog" combined) over the past several months and struggling in my relationship with God ~ I experienced a feeling almost like a big wet blanket has been laying on me, keeping me somewhat inert, and I had not been able to find the source to remove it...I had many times where I felt connected and in sync, but just as many more where I felt almost beaten down...I think the over-arching experience I have been having is one of pure and deep bone weariness, and when I am tired, I tend to not spend as much time in prayer or Bible reading...I tend to be more of a drifter from idea to idea, option to option, book to book. I pray ~ but not as consistently nor as deeply. I read, but not as long, nor as focused. Boy, does that mess with hearing clearly and knowing God's will...I also experienced my first year since 1999 where I was not involved in a formal bible study ~ I really missed it, but wasn't able to work one into my schedule as I embraced home schooling and other kids' activities and needs. That probably had something to do with my sense of detachment ~
However, lately I have been getting glimmers of that sweet fellowship again. Boy have I missed it deeply. I want to sit and drink it in, alternating with begging for more and praying not to lose it again. Last night God took me to two different dates in "My Utmost for His Highest" to read. I think it showed me a bigger work that has been in effect in my life ~ it was really cool. I wanted to share that here ~ I figured if I typed it, I would recall it even better and be able to look back and read it in another six months as well :-)
The first was:
However, lately I have been getting glimmers of that sweet fellowship again. Boy have I missed it deeply. I want to sit and drink it in, alternating with begging for more and praying not to lose it again. Last night God took me to two different dates in "My Utmost for His Highest" to read. I think it showed me a bigger work that has been in effect in my life ~ it was really cool. I wanted to share that here ~ I figured if I typed it, I would recall it even better and be able to look back and read it in another six months as well :-)
The first was:
July 26 The Account with Purity
"Out of the heart proceed..." Matthew 15:19
We begin by trusting our ignorance and calling it innocence, by trusting our innocence and calling it purity; and when we hear these rugged statements of Our Lord's, we shrink and say - But I never felt any of those awful things in my heart. We resent what Jesus Christ reveals. Either Jesus Christ is the supreme Authority on the human heart, or He is not worth paying any attention to. Am I prepared to trust His penetration, or do I prefer to trust my innocent ignorance? If I make conscious innocence the test, I am likely to come to a place where I find with a shuddering awakening that what Jesus Christ said is true, and I shall be appalled at the possibility of evil and wrong in me. As long as I remain under the refuge of innocence I am living in a fool's paradise. If I have never been a blackguard, the reason is a mixture of cowardice adn the protection of a civilized life; but when I am underessed before God, I find that Jesus Christ is right in His diagnosis.
The only thing that safeguards is the Redemption of Jesus Christ. If I will hand myself over to Him, I need never experience the terrible possibilities that are in my heart. Purity is too deep down for me to get to naturally: but when the Holy Spirit comes in, He brings into the center of my personal life the very Spirit that was manifested in the life of Jesus Christ, viz., Holy Spirit, which is unsullied purity.
Right after, He led me to June 3:
The Secret of the Lord
"The secret (friendship, RV) of the Lord is with them that fear Him" Psalm 25:14
What is the sign of a friend? That he tells you secret sorrows? No, that he tells you secret joys. Many will confide to you their secret sorrows, but the last mark of intimacy is to confide secret joys. Have we ever let God tell usany of His joys, or are we telling God our secrets so continually that we leave no room for Him to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God, then we find that God wants to get us into relationship with Himself, to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so wedded to Jesus Christ's idea of prayer-"Thy will be done" - that we catch the secrets of God? The things that make God dear to us are not so much His great big blessings as the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us; He knows every detail of our individual lives.
"...Him shall He teach in the way the He shall choose." At first we want the consciousness of being guided by God; then as we go on we live so much in the consciousness of God that we do not need to ask what His will is, be3cause the thought of choosing any other will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified God guides us by our ordinary choices, and if we are going to choose what He does not want, He will check, and we must heed. Whenever the is doubt, stop at once. Never reason it out and say "I wonder why I shouldn't?" God instructs us in what we choose, that is, He guides our common sense, and we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually saying- "Now, Lord, what is Thy will?"
God is reminding me that He is working all things for good in My life ~ He is with me, He is guiding me, and I don't need to keep worrying about every little step I take or move I make (I was beginning to be bogged down by fear that I was not walking in His will, or would miss His prompts by stepping forward, but it has been all that my heart has cried out for for so long that I realize I shouldn't fear this as I am not giving Him enough credit in communication :-)) He first had to break me free from my ignorance of innocence to place me firmly on His path, and not my own. Praise Him that He loves us so ~
Friday, August 28, 2009
Contentment
I have not posted in awhile - have had many great ideas and events to share, but never got organized enough to download them from my mind and heart to the keypad...and then they were gone ~ whoosh ~ as happens frequently in my life. God gives me such glimmers of wonder and delight so often (I thank Him for that!!!) and insights or revelations that are really neat or meaningful...I would like to get back in the habit of writing them down. I have been out of journaling for awhile, among other things that have fallen out of practice ~ I am striving to return to self-discipline for these things...had some *moments* of return this summer, but overall still way off. Ah, but I digress...
So last weekend I was attending a planning meeting for an upcoming event, and after arriving about an hour late based upon some unexpected and distressing "turbulence" in my home that morning, I settled in to participate in the day (I had listened to a terrific CD from Integrity, given to me by a dear friend, Lorna, a couple of years ago ~ it got me right back into a better state of mind and heart as I was driving to my meeting place) :-)
Anyway, a question was asked (as an ice-breaker) "If you had a day, and money was no object, how would you spend it?" (or something to that effect)...My mind first went to the orphans in Haiti ~ they are found in the gutters sometimes, mere infants without hope ~ and I had a desire to serve them. My husband and I know a couple who own/run an orphanage in Haiti and are always looking for help as they live here and eke by while traveling there and doing what they can when they can. My own family of origin also has ties to Haiti with medical missionaries and some pastors who had hearts for there ~ but, here is the kicker, I hadn't anticipated this being what would come to mind.
So, as others were talking about some GREAT escapes (believe me, many of them sounded terrific!) ;-) I kept searching my heart for a different idea for me (one that was more fun and lighthearted), but this persisted. Each time I thought about alternatives (e.g. taking my family to Norway to see my relatives and travel around the country visiting all of my cousins and viewing the incredible scenery...or going to a tropical island and having a pampered vacation...or paying off my home ~ or even purchasing a home that is more typical of what I am familiar from childhood and family...)...I couldn't experience them as *important* to me, really.
For instance, the trip to Norway is something I have wanted to do as it is too expensive to travel with the seven of us, in general, that far. Last time I visited was in the summer of 1997, which is a long time ago considering I used to spend much of my summers there while growing up. One would think this would be my priority ~ but I figured that the Lord could provide for that opportunity again one day, as well as for the other things I mused about such as beaches and other travels ~ and the orphanage I would NEVER be able to do for it what I would like...not on my own or with the lifestyle I currently lead, as it stands now (I shouldn't say Never as God IS the God of amazing things). God has always provided for the daily, with a bit extra thrown in for fun ~ I imagine HE will continue to do so :-)
So then I began musing ~ I have had SO many incredible opportunities and experiences that many don't get to enjoy. I have traveled all over the world, been independent since the age of 16 and have had a adventurous streak since I was a child. I am as at home at a formal event with black tie and gowns (you know the kind; appetizer, salad, soup, lemon sorbet to cleanse the palat, main course, dessert, coffee...lots of chit chat and such, some dancing...) as I am hanging out with my old redneck friends in their garage, chit chatting over a barrel filled with fire for warmth (here's the picture - cowboy hats and worn jeans, women in tight tank tops, men in plaid shirts...cans of Budweiser abundant in sight, all working together to build an ultralight airplane that will have its maiden voyage the owner's tree farm in Charlottesville).
I have been to plays in New York and Washington DC, concerts, benefit events, art shows, etc. I have played on boats and watercraft on all kinds in rivers, oceans and waterways in many different places - even cruising the intercoastals in Florida's neat, amazingly expensive areas in a fun and fancy speedboat (with a male friend who promised me he would buy me this INCREDIBLE house there if I married him...hahaha). I got to ride the railways and travel Europe via the Eurarail passes as a teen living in Belgium ~ spent the night in a bar on a table with girlfriends while returning to Belgium from touring Amsterdam and Holland...I also skied the alps (and took lessons from a really good swiss skier) among other locations while living overseas.
I have seen sunsets and sunrises on both Pacific and Atlantic coasts, alone as well as with friends and loved ones...I even drove up to see the sunrise over Mt. Rushmore one day (another VERY interesting adventure I chose to partake in). I have traveled through or in most of the States, and lived in several ~ enjoying many different parks, rivers, lakes, beaches, mountains, etc. I have been to stock car races, horse races and hound races (dressed a bit differently for each one ;-) ), I have visited many beaches, been scuba diving, snorkeling, swam with dolphin and took pictures of some incredible sea life (I used to want to be a marine biologist). I have fished, been to rodeos, flown in a twin engine plane with a friend who had a ranch in Colorado, and hiked amazing mountains. I have even rappelled and rock climbed (limited) as well as shot rifles and pistols. I have attended a variety of outdoor concerts and dance events (Riverdance is amazing), as well as indoor rock concerts and garage band events. I have written songs for friends garage bands, published poems and even had one put to music and produced...
What more could I ask for? There is so much more I have experienced - it just came back to me in snippets as I sat there musing at the meeting. God has been so good to me. I grew up with so many opportunities, had great support for schooling and extra-curricular events, got to travel with my family and visit many theme parks, historic monuments, etc...what more could I really want?? Since college (which I started at barely 17 since I couldn't wait to move on to independence, and graduated a year early so I could get out and know more of the world) I have been allowed so much more as well. I have experienced the position of director for a few companies, as well as worked as the lowest man on the totem pole. I have also served in pizza joints at night to pay bills while working forty hours per week as an intern post college to complete my training...I have gotten many neat alternate work experiences than what I have been privileged with during my cool career. I have worked as a vet assistant, a dispatcher, a movie theater employee (at a tiny theater), a Wendy's employee (back in the day of "try our hot and juicy" - ugh), an adminstrative assistant for a college summer school dean (that was very busy), a paper girl, an editor, and a church youth director... Whatever it is to be, I follow that lead as has been my way...
As for extra curricular through high school and college, I have enjoyed cheerleading, soccer (men's team in high school as they didn't have a girls team overseas), basketball, volleyball, student council, sorority participation (and several offices with that), and many clubs. I have taken ballroom dance lessons by myself (fun when you get to learn with the instructor!), household maintenance classes, auto mechanic classes, and was working toward a PhD in two areas before quitting my studies while my current marriage got underway. Now I study when I can, read voraciously, and love spending time with my kids as well as retreating to aloneness in my gardens or on the back deck in the mornings...something about the sound of birds and quiet is so peaceful and amazing. :-)
So, I have been given so much - so incredibly much...that to even ask for more that is frivolous seems unnecessary and so incredibly selfish. I am so grateful for my life thus far as I have experienced just about everything I have ever wanted to try. Giving to those who have had nothing but struggle seems like such a blessing, and is incredibly freeing to my spirit to consider. Overall, though some things are not as I would desire in my life, I am wholly content with all that God has provided me over the years...and I trust fully that He will continue to provide. Praise Him ~
So last weekend I was attending a planning meeting for an upcoming event, and after arriving about an hour late based upon some unexpected and distressing "turbulence" in my home that morning, I settled in to participate in the day (I had listened to a terrific CD from Integrity, given to me by a dear friend, Lorna, a couple of years ago ~ it got me right back into a better state of mind and heart as I was driving to my meeting place) :-)
Anyway, a question was asked (as an ice-breaker) "If you had a day, and money was no object, how would you spend it?" (or something to that effect)...My mind first went to the orphans in Haiti ~ they are found in the gutters sometimes, mere infants without hope ~ and I had a desire to serve them. My husband and I know a couple who own/run an orphanage in Haiti and are always looking for help as they live here and eke by while traveling there and doing what they can when they can. My own family of origin also has ties to Haiti with medical missionaries and some pastors who had hearts for there ~ but, here is the kicker, I hadn't anticipated this being what would come to mind.
So, as others were talking about some GREAT escapes (believe me, many of them sounded terrific!) ;-) I kept searching my heart for a different idea for me (one that was more fun and lighthearted), but this persisted. Each time I thought about alternatives (e.g. taking my family to Norway to see my relatives and travel around the country visiting all of my cousins and viewing the incredible scenery...or going to a tropical island and having a pampered vacation...or paying off my home ~ or even purchasing a home that is more typical of what I am familiar from childhood and family...)...I couldn't experience them as *important* to me, really.
For instance, the trip to Norway is something I have wanted to do as it is too expensive to travel with the seven of us, in general, that far. Last time I visited was in the summer of 1997, which is a long time ago considering I used to spend much of my summers there while growing up. One would think this would be my priority ~ but I figured that the Lord could provide for that opportunity again one day, as well as for the other things I mused about such as beaches and other travels ~ and the orphanage I would NEVER be able to do for it what I would like...not on my own or with the lifestyle I currently lead, as it stands now (I shouldn't say Never as God IS the God of amazing things). God has always provided for the daily, with a bit extra thrown in for fun ~ I imagine HE will continue to do so :-)
So then I began musing ~ I have had SO many incredible opportunities and experiences that many don't get to enjoy. I have traveled all over the world, been independent since the age of 16 and have had a adventurous streak since I was a child. I am as at home at a formal event with black tie and gowns (you know the kind; appetizer, salad, soup, lemon sorbet to cleanse the palat, main course, dessert, coffee...lots of chit chat and such, some dancing...) as I am hanging out with my old redneck friends in their garage, chit chatting over a barrel filled with fire for warmth (here's the picture - cowboy hats and worn jeans, women in tight tank tops, men in plaid shirts...cans of Budweiser abundant in sight, all working together to build an ultralight airplane that will have its maiden voyage the owner's tree farm in Charlottesville).
I have been to plays in New York and Washington DC, concerts, benefit events, art shows, etc. I have played on boats and watercraft on all kinds in rivers, oceans and waterways in many different places - even cruising the intercoastals in Florida's neat, amazingly expensive areas in a fun and fancy speedboat (with a male friend who promised me he would buy me this INCREDIBLE house there if I married him...hahaha). I got to ride the railways and travel Europe via the Eurarail passes as a teen living in Belgium ~ spent the night in a bar on a table with girlfriends while returning to Belgium from touring Amsterdam and Holland...I also skied the alps (and took lessons from a really good swiss skier) among other locations while living overseas.
I have seen sunsets and sunrises on both Pacific and Atlantic coasts, alone as well as with friends and loved ones...I even drove up to see the sunrise over Mt. Rushmore one day (another VERY interesting adventure I chose to partake in). I have traveled through or in most of the States, and lived in several ~ enjoying many different parks, rivers, lakes, beaches, mountains, etc. I have been to stock car races, horse races and hound races (dressed a bit differently for each one ;-) ), I have visited many beaches, been scuba diving, snorkeling, swam with dolphin and took pictures of some incredible sea life (I used to want to be a marine biologist). I have fished, been to rodeos, flown in a twin engine plane with a friend who had a ranch in Colorado, and hiked amazing mountains. I have even rappelled and rock climbed (limited) as well as shot rifles and pistols. I have attended a variety of outdoor concerts and dance events (Riverdance is amazing), as well as indoor rock concerts and garage band events. I have written songs for friends garage bands, published poems and even had one put to music and produced...
What more could I ask for? There is so much more I have experienced - it just came back to me in snippets as I sat there musing at the meeting. God has been so good to me. I grew up with so many opportunities, had great support for schooling and extra-curricular events, got to travel with my family and visit many theme parks, historic monuments, etc...what more could I really want?? Since college (which I started at barely 17 since I couldn't wait to move on to independence, and graduated a year early so I could get out and know more of the world) I have been allowed so much more as well. I have experienced the position of director for a few companies, as well as worked as the lowest man on the totem pole. I have also served in pizza joints at night to pay bills while working forty hours per week as an intern post college to complete my training...I have gotten many neat alternate work experiences than what I have been privileged with during my cool career. I have worked as a vet assistant, a dispatcher, a movie theater employee (at a tiny theater), a Wendy's employee (back in the day of "try our hot and juicy" - ugh), an adminstrative assistant for a college summer school dean (that was very busy), a paper girl, an editor, and a church youth director... Whatever it is to be, I follow that lead as has been my way...
As for extra curricular through high school and college, I have enjoyed cheerleading, soccer (men's team in high school as they didn't have a girls team overseas), basketball, volleyball, student council, sorority participation (and several offices with that), and many clubs. I have taken ballroom dance lessons by myself (fun when you get to learn with the instructor!), household maintenance classes, auto mechanic classes, and was working toward a PhD in two areas before quitting my studies while my current marriage got underway. Now I study when I can, read voraciously, and love spending time with my kids as well as retreating to aloneness in my gardens or on the back deck in the mornings...something about the sound of birds and quiet is so peaceful and amazing. :-)
So, I have been given so much - so incredibly much...that to even ask for more that is frivolous seems unnecessary and so incredibly selfish. I am so grateful for my life thus far as I have experienced just about everything I have ever wanted to try. Giving to those who have had nothing but struggle seems like such a blessing, and is incredibly freeing to my spirit to consider. Overall, though some things are not as I would desire in my life, I am wholly content with all that God has provided me over the years...and I trust fully that He will continue to provide. Praise Him ~
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Why God Made Moms
I had some fun this year for Mother's Day, and had my kids fill out a questionnaire that I had found in an email that was circulating. I wanted to share, some of their answers are downright funny :-)
M is 11, K is 8 and R is 5 ~
1) Why did God make mothers?
M - To take care of us
K - So we could be born
R - So the kids could listen to their moms and listen to the Lord, the Christ
2) How did God make mothers?
M- Through a rib of a man
K - He took the rib out of the man and made a woman
R - With His powers
3) What ingredients are mothers made of?
M - Love, warmth, sadness, happiness, much much more
K - a rib
R - bones and hair
4) Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
M- because she was meant for me
K - So we could be born and love on her and so we could have a mom
R - Cause He thought she was Christ-ly
5) What kind of little girl was your mom?
M - Quiet, shy, pretty, sensible, Christian
K - nice one
R - I don't know cuz I was the last to grow up, Max did cuz he was the first one! (Max is 15)
6) What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
M - About him, example: his history and what he was like
K - what he likes
R - that he was Christ-ly
7) Why did your mom marry your dad?
M - Because #1 she thought God had picked him out, and #2 God actually picked the 2nd one
out
K - so she could have a child
R - cause he was Christ-ly
8) Who's the boss at your house?
M - Daddy Bo, mommy
K - Mom and Dad
R - Jesus and Mom and Dad
9) What's the difference between moms and dads?
M- well, one's a man and one's a woman (when queried further...) dads play different, moms
do more at home
K - one is a boy and one is a girl
R - that dads are tall and moms are a little bit shorter
10) What does your mom do in her spare time?
M - read bible, pay bills, get disturbed (when asked what she meant by this, she reminded
me that she or someone else was always interrupting me with needing something) :-)
K - read, rest, get on computer
R - Enjoys reading her Bible
11) What would it take to make your mom perfect?
M - Nothing she already is!
K - Powers
R - wearing a dress and a skirt and telling me what to do, doing everything
12) If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
M - I wouldn't change a hair on her head
K - Make us get everything we want
R - Changing her to not ever be angry...or my dad either
Blessings to all, I am laughing again as I type this. Children are such delightful joys! :-)
M is 11, K is 8 and R is 5 ~
1) Why did God make mothers?
M - To take care of us
K - So we could be born
R - So the kids could listen to their moms and listen to the Lord, the Christ
2) How did God make mothers?
M- Through a rib of a man
K - He took the rib out of the man and made a woman
R - With His powers
3) What ingredients are mothers made of?
M - Love, warmth, sadness, happiness, much much more
K - a rib
R - bones and hair
4) Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
M- because she was meant for me
K - So we could be born and love on her and so we could have a mom
R - Cause He thought she was Christ-ly
5) What kind of little girl was your mom?
M - Quiet, shy, pretty, sensible, Christian
K - nice one
R - I don't know cuz I was the last to grow up, Max did cuz he was the first one! (Max is 15)
6) What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
M - About him, example: his history and what he was like
K - what he likes
R - that he was Christ-ly
7) Why did your mom marry your dad?
M - Because #1 she thought God had picked him out, and #2 God actually picked the 2nd one
out
K - so she could have a child
R - cause he was Christ-ly
8) Who's the boss at your house?
M - Daddy Bo, mommy
K - Mom and Dad
R - Jesus and Mom and Dad
9) What's the difference between moms and dads?
M- well, one's a man and one's a woman (when queried further...) dads play different, moms
do more at home
K - one is a boy and one is a girl
R - that dads are tall and moms are a little bit shorter
10) What does your mom do in her spare time?
M - read bible, pay bills, get disturbed (when asked what she meant by this, she reminded
me that she or someone else was always interrupting me with needing something) :-)
K - read, rest, get on computer
R - Enjoys reading her Bible
11) What would it take to make your mom perfect?
M - Nothing she already is!
K - Powers
R - wearing a dress and a skirt and telling me what to do, doing everything
12) If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
M - I wouldn't change a hair on her head
K - Make us get everything we want
R - Changing her to not ever be angry...or my dad either
Blessings to all, I am laughing again as I type this. Children are such delightful joys! :-)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
My Descent into Hell by Howard Storm
I just finished a really interesting book...I found it randomly when browsing through Amazons vast library of options (getting my summer reading list together) :-) While the book has some parts I question, the overall theme is amazing and compelling...I wanted to share bits and pieces that struck me as I started trying to process the profundity of the author's words.
In a chapter about the past and the future (wars and such), he states "the way to prevent war is to love aggressively and care for all people. Sufficient wealth, food and resources exist for every person in the world. Wars result not because there is a scarcity of resources, but because of our desire to possess resources to the exlusion of others. God loves every man, woman, and child on this planet more than we love our own children. God wants all people to have food, shelter, meaningful work, and an opportunity to be creative; to learn the truth, have freedom from fear, have self-esteem, be procreative, live in community, find complete joy, trust in God, and become the wonderful people that God created us to be.
"Our purpose is to know and do God's will in this life, and we do this when we love one another as God loves us. Every person without exception needs to be loved by us. This is the most difficult and most important lesson of our life. this is what has shaped the past and this is what will create the future. We have failed to learn this fundamental lesson that God has been teaching us from most religious traditions since the beginning of human consciousness."
In another chapter..."The love of God, the love of neighbor, and the love of self are inseparable parts of a whole that cannot be divided. Without the love of God, there cannot be true love of another. It is only through the overarching Spirit of God that one can love another person. Love comes from God, and relationships not grounded in the love of God are based on the exploitation of other people. Only through love of God can we see the true value and beauty of another person.
"It is impossible to love another person unless we love ourselves. Without the love of God, it is impossible to love ourselves because every human being is aware of their flawed nature and sinfulness. We can find ourselves truly lovable only by receiving the love that our Creator has for us. When there is no love of God, there is only the counterfeit love of narcissism, which is a gross attempt to prove ourselves lovable. The only authentic love in this world is achieved when there is balance between love of God, love of neighbor, and love of self."
One last thought worth sharing (in the same flow, though much further in the book)..."Jesus Christ commanded his disciples to love one another as he loved us. I don't know how to practice this radical kind of love in a world that exploits love. One who takes Jesus Christ's command seriously must live in constant tension with the world. The fervent desire of the Spirit of God working in and through the church to make the world more loving is thwarted by the passion of the world to undermine the church.
The Bible teaches - from Book of Genesis to the Book of Revelation - that each of us is free to choose whether we are proponents of God's will or opponents of God's will. The question is: Are you seeking God's will or are you not? Knowing and doing God's will is the curriculum in this life. The church, as flawed as it may be, is the instrument to help us know God's will. The church is the closest we will get to God outside of heaven. The secular world is the place where we are sent to do the work of the Spirit of Christ."
I really enjoyed reading Mr. Storm's book...will likely re-read it as it is filled with testimony speaking toward God's love and truths ~
Blessings ~
Christie
In a chapter about the past and the future (wars and such), he states "the way to prevent war is to love aggressively and care for all people. Sufficient wealth, food and resources exist for every person in the world. Wars result not because there is a scarcity of resources, but because of our desire to possess resources to the exlusion of others. God loves every man, woman, and child on this planet more than we love our own children. God wants all people to have food, shelter, meaningful work, and an opportunity to be creative; to learn the truth, have freedom from fear, have self-esteem, be procreative, live in community, find complete joy, trust in God, and become the wonderful people that God created us to be.
"Our purpose is to know and do God's will in this life, and we do this when we love one another as God loves us. Every person without exception needs to be loved by us. This is the most difficult and most important lesson of our life. this is what has shaped the past and this is what will create the future. We have failed to learn this fundamental lesson that God has been teaching us from most religious traditions since the beginning of human consciousness."
In another chapter..."The love of God, the love of neighbor, and the love of self are inseparable parts of a whole that cannot be divided. Without the love of God, there cannot be true love of another. It is only through the overarching Spirit of God that one can love another person. Love comes from God, and relationships not grounded in the love of God are based on the exploitation of other people. Only through love of God can we see the true value and beauty of another person.
"It is impossible to love another person unless we love ourselves. Without the love of God, it is impossible to love ourselves because every human being is aware of their flawed nature and sinfulness. We can find ourselves truly lovable only by receiving the love that our Creator has for us. When there is no love of God, there is only the counterfeit love of narcissism, which is a gross attempt to prove ourselves lovable. The only authentic love in this world is achieved when there is balance between love of God, love of neighbor, and love of self."
One last thought worth sharing (in the same flow, though much further in the book)..."Jesus Christ commanded his disciples to love one another as he loved us. I don't know how to practice this radical kind of love in a world that exploits love. One who takes Jesus Christ's command seriously must live in constant tension with the world. The fervent desire of the Spirit of God working in and through the church to make the world more loving is thwarted by the passion of the world to undermine the church.
The Bible teaches - from Book of Genesis to the Book of Revelation - that each of us is free to choose whether we are proponents of God's will or opponents of God's will. The question is: Are you seeking God's will or are you not? Knowing and doing God's will is the curriculum in this life. The church, as flawed as it may be, is the instrument to help us know God's will. The church is the closest we will get to God outside of heaven. The secular world is the place where we are sent to do the work of the Spirit of Christ."
I really enjoyed reading Mr. Storm's book...will likely re-read it as it is filled with testimony speaking toward God's love and truths ~
Blessings ~
Christie
Friday, April 10, 2009
An Unexpected Delight
My sister emailed me this time last week (Thursday or Friday) and asked "how would you like some company for Easter?!" Would I?!! Of course!!!
Fast forward - I was delighted to pick she and two of her children up at the airport on Wednesday, her hubby and other two kiddos arrived by car a couple of hours later. My sister and her husband are following God's prompts to decrease material comforts and increase eternal focus, so they have sold their house in Chicago (amazingly fast ~ so they are renting back until June) and are on an avid search for *where* the LORD would have them go.
I have been praying for them that God would lead, while trying to keep my desires out of the picture. God gave me a vision, which I shared with them (which looked like a possible South Carolina perspective, and they did have a head hunter from there contact them) but more recently He has clarified some things from that which suggest it might actually be Virginia which would be awesome to me...I am all the more eager to see what He has in store. Yesterday and today she has been interviewing with five different OB/GYN practices in Fredericksburg, which is not far away. She loves the town and the hospital, but hasn't yet gotten a good feel for her fit. Today was the day she was to speak to the doc that she had sensed a good connection with over the phone. The sense I got in my prayers was the Richmond area, which is further away, but still relatively close (especially compared to Chicago) ~ however, I really just pray the right door will open, and His perfect plan will be illumined in time (they have also had a good sense at a location in Texas)
While she is in Fredericksburg, I have been delighted to have my niece, nephews, and brother-in-law staying with us. I so enjoy their company and really miss them between visits (all of them). This pic was taken Thursday morning (Lexie, their youngest, was still sleeping)
What a blast we have had - I have to share them with my brother this evening and tomorrow before they head back to Illinois, but will get to join all of them Saturday evening for an early Easter celebration. I wish they could join us for church on Sunday as I know they would really appreciate our church family, but they will go with my brother's family which is okay, too (do I sound like I hate sharing?) *smile*
So ~ can't wait to see the plan, delighted to share the time. Florida, Texas or Virginia (all places where family exist for them)...in time we shall know. To God be the Glory ~
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