Musings

MUSINGS

Tears freely flow

From puddles to gulleys;

Grooves etched into the tree...

Inner torments,

Conflicting thoughts;

Nobody really sees "me"

Dutiful daughter, beloved friend

Words, but what do they mean?

Mother, teacher, encourager...

Now that's a pretty fine scene.

More designations, marring the canvas...

Painting an odd shade of gray,

Selfish, ugly, controlling, unkind

Even abusive, "they" say.

Do labels define me? I wonder anew,

As contradictory words are spoken...

And if they do, which ones are true?

Surely some are broken...

How can I be each of these?

"I don't understand," I sigh

I just want to be happy and free

But life simply will not comply...

"You bring it on yourself," they say;

Those who "know" more than I...

"Change your attitude, Fix your behavior"

"I would...," is my reply;

I would, but how? I silently muse,

Feeling more trapped by the day...

"You're unfixable, a mess," my mind screams to me;

Everyone else knows "the way."

More pain wells up, futility leers,

My thoughts are filled with deep shame ~

My soul turns to winter, cutting off life;

I'm surely no match for this game...

Numbing winds howl, chilling my bones

As ice slowly forms in my heart;

The cracks in the path have frozen somehow,

Roughly resembling fine art.

But oh, as they freeze, something happens inside;

With pressure that's too strong to bear...

I had forgotten how water expands

Each time it's mixed with cold air ~

Those cracks, they get wider, and light starts to shine,

Exposing what lies below ~

Rigid exterior, atop pliant fields

A tender voice beckons, "Let go."

Let go of the lies, the voice seems to say,

Ever so softly and kind

You've hurt far enough and struggled so hard,

It's time for a fresh change of mind.

This voice carries wisdom, authority,

And palpable presence, to boot...

Much firmer and clearer than any I've heard,

Quite passionate with its pursuit ~

Its tenderness ministers a new type of thought;

Whispering words, "Oh child, I have seen"

You may think you are all that they say,

But they really know not what they mean.

The other reality, behind the veil

Holds so much more than you've heard

How glorious its colors and sweet its sounds ~

How remarkable it's Word..

Not meant to be depicted by others,

Nor constrained by false words of man...

I am your Master, Creator and Friend ~

I'm in all, I'm glorious, I AM

As to the failings that you perceive,

Oh daughter, it delights me so ~

You see my child, you weren't meant to be

All that's needed to manage your show...

No, precious one, you're intended for more

Oh, so much more than you know...

You were fashioned to climb a mountain so high

And run races some choose to forego...

You were made to reflect My beauty and joy

Far beyond your external shell;

Sharing love deeper than man's understanding

A love only I know so well ~

Temperance and virtue for your resting place,

Joy and delight in your play...

Peace is your gift to My precious world

Oh Child, let Me light the way...

Lift high your head and raise up your eyes,

Know My pleasure, and dance

Rejoice as you see, you really are free;

Released from all happenstance.

Released of the burdens your labels have brought

Unconstrained by non-entity

No longer imprisoned by shackles and chains

Apprised of identity...

I Am here, I Am real, and I love you so

Stop believing the lies and the mocking...

You are precious beloved, blessed and assured,

Oh why can you not hear Me knocking?

Don't let the world deceive your sweet mind,

Don't let "them" drive you down ~

You are a daughter of the King of Kings

And within you, My heart is your crown.

Be free, my child, walk proudly in Me,

Knowing that all this is true

For I am not a man who can lie,

And I purposefully created you ~

Know you are loved, Know I am near

Find rest in Me each new day ~

Walk in My Spirit, drink of My fountain

To Me all of life is play ~

Be pleased to frolic, take delight in joy ~

You need shed not one tear;

I gave My only Son for you,

That I might draw you near.

I gave Him for you,

That you could live;

I gave to conquer lies...

I gave Him that

We might share life;

And this is no surprise...

For Artists love their handiwork;

They revel in it so;

And I love you, sweet daughter

I truly want you to know.

Know in your heart, and in your mind...

Discern from head to toe~

So when the storms of life appear,

Your tears will have new flow;

They'll flow of life,

And flow of hope,

They'll flow in peaceful joy~

For in your trials and sufferings

You'll come to know

My Boy ~



Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude

     Isn't it funny that sometimes we don't realize how much has changed in our lives or spirit until we look back and review where we once were, as compared to where we are now? 2 Corinthians 3:18 We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit. 


    For instance, recent efforts at signing in to my blogger dashboard took me an inordinate amount of time. I didn't realize I had somehow created two different sign-ins for my Google accounts, and couldn't figure out why the dashboard I was logged into did not have my blog accessible.  The last time I posted on this page, save for the most recent posting on surrender, it was still affiliated with BlogSpot; Google had not yet assimilated the program. It probably would have been easy for another person to discover the glitch, but, because of my limited clarity with computer information and ease of confusion, it took me quite a bit longer.




  I was talking with a dear friend about the many changes in life, and how we are able to walk through them even when they were not just confusing, but produce deep feelings that can be difficult to bear, let alone understand... This man is a friend who has many verses committed to memory from his years in bible study and walking with the Navigators, so I had followed up by texting him, asking for a verse that he might share with me that I could find rest in...one that would speak to my particular need we had been discussing.  I was finding it challenging with the vacillation between being 100% at peace some days, and then walking in the dark places on others ~ forgetting "who" I was and to Whom I belonged. We were at odds in opinion about my desire for scripture to draw me back to truth, and his belief that we need to not limit ourselves with scripture in and of itself, which many people do, but to go beyond that into Whom is being expressed, and to what the verses are pointing - that being relationship with our Lord...the deep things of the Spirit ...




He expressed to me something I found quite encouraging, so wanted to share it here ~




You see, my dear, once those "goads" have settled into the region of the heart - we receive "eyes to see" with ...eyes to see things too wonderful to put to words ...and one day, when we've grown accustomed to seeing His words show up illustrated in a moment that wows us, we just keep looking for more...He never ever ceases. But then, we forget now and again, don't we - all of us. And in that place we're in need of reminding. It comes back to us in special ways and in special moments, fitted for our unique soul's pining and our need in that particular space of time. And when we realize - are reminded of - can once again see - He becomes all the more precious to us. We are either light or impediments to the light for others, aye, even we, to see His heart for us and a love so deep. We are drowning in it at any moment...if we stop long enough to listen, to see His heart for us.

 
"Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you - For I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you - surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." 
Isaiah 41:10                            


The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit 
Psalm 34:17-18                                                       

 "The Lords loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassion never fails. They are new every morning. How great is Thy faithfulness.          

Lam. 3.22-23

 "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you. And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of Justice, how blessed are all those who long for Him"          

 Isaiah 30.18

 These are a few of the apples of gold on settings of silver tucked away in my heart, to remind me "He ain't a gonna  go no where's"   

I hope these bring encouragement to anybody reading as well - they sure did to me in that moment, and continue to as I read them again right now.


Not too many years ago I would not have considered looking to the Word for my source of value, security, adequacy, love and acceptance.  Nor would I have sought encouragement from friends who walked so closely with God.  When I was hurting or confused. I would have turned to other things to answer my heart's cries.  However, I have come to discover that those things were always, ultimately, empty vessels providing "peace in moment" or assurance as long as they were present, but they didn't answer the deep longings of my heart... I was seeking the One who provides all answers, and fills our every need.


 I am ever so grateful for the changes He has wrought in me, as I walk from glory to glory in His presence, surrounded by His love, guided by His Spirit within who continues to speak ever so tenderly to me in a moment...."this is the way, walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21)


May the Lord bless you
    and protect you.
²⁵ May the Lord smile on you
    and be gracious to you.
²⁶ May the Lord show you his favor
    and give you his peace.’ (Numbers 6:24-26)