The Idol of Self

I have been seeking God over the past two years to really find a way to decrease "self" and increase Him. It is an incredibly difficult task. Our flesh loves itself. Our desires and preferences seem important as well as harmless to God's plans. But, inevitably, each time I find myself in the wrong place; wrong frame of mind, wrong attitude, wrong words exiting my mouth...it is related to ME. My expectations, wishes, desires, etc. I could justify these easily many of the times. The justifications would be rational and appropriate for "any of us" and all would agree them to be "right." However, God is not any of us. He is altogether different; Holy and Pure. Praise Him.

A friend loaned me a book by A.W. Tozer a couple of weeks ago called "How To Be Filled With the Holy Spirit." She and I had been talking about Spirit and how we could allow more freedom to God's Spirit in our lives (and therefore more power for reaching others with God's love). We traded books (I had just read one that I quite enjoyed and found helpful), but I think hers was the gem. In one chapter, Tozer talks about the problem we have ~ asking the question "Are you sure you want Him to be Lord of your life?" He goes on to say "Are you sure that you want your personality to be taken over by One who will expect obedience to the written and living Word? Are you sure that you ant your personality to be taken over by One who will not tolerate the self sins? For instance, self-love...He will not permit you to indulge self-confidence. Self-righteousness, self-admiration, self-aggrandizement and and self-pity are under the interdiction of God Almighty, and He cannot send His mighty Spirit to possess the heart where these things are."

He went on to share many more great words. It was a wonderful impartation of truth. We so much desire the benefits of God in us, helping, encouraging, counseling, carrying...but we don't always desire to be set apart from the world. I find myself riding the fence on really desiring (e.g. willing above all things) versus thinking desire. My absolute willingness is lacking in many instances; I slip into double-mindedness when things heat up.

Further along in Tozer's book was a second book, with a wonderful testimony by R. Mabel Francis about her experience being filled, and then matured, by God's Holy Spirit. One thing she shared that really spoke to me was this (it was quoted from author Andrew Murray).

"Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to have not trouble. It is never to be fretted, vexed, irritated, sore or disappointed. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed and despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret. I am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness when all around is in trouble."

Oh, that I could become this way ~ Lord God, may You become my very breath...may I so grow in humility that You may be the only thing in me that is noted...Bless You, Lord God. I recognize how far from humble I am ~ and am reminded about how far down You were willing to come for me...Thank you, Most Holy One. Praise Your Holy Name.