This and That

We have been on a whirlwind here in the sweet land of Pride-ville. It has been such a bittersweet summer for me. Although we had a lovely time overall with the kids, enjoyed a delightful swim team season (taking first in the three counties we swim against), enjoyed many visits with friends and family, and had some wonderfully fun times, I have struggled with an ever-evolving bitterness toward one particular person who has pushed me deeper into God's arms seeking respite from my negative feelings.

I have been praying daily, hourly, moment by moment that God would redeem my heart to His and allow me to flow with love and grace and prayerful petition toward her and for her. I keep slipping down the slippery slope of evil with each new event that pries at my very soul. Father, forgive her for she knows not what she is doing. This I truly believe. However, she is a professing Christian who is fully involved with, and working for, her church and it hurts me that I see the opposite fruits.

Lord, I do NOT want to be this way in my heart's response. Please, dear Father, heal my spirit and let me rest in Your sovereign will. You allow all things for our greater good and Your good purposes. May I rest in You and hold fast in the faith that I KNOW all things work together for good for those of us who love You and are called by You. Bless you, Lord that You have allowed this challenge into my life and the lives of those whom I love. Thank you for the opportunity to embrace grace and grow!

Aside from some very difficult weeks of pressing in and pressing on at the end of June and early to mid July, we have recently entered into a new phase of difficult and my dear hubby is, at this very moment, in mediation with his former wife. I trust God will carry this through, but today I have been off my center because of some telephonic interactions he has had which have been really hurtful in addition to all the other stuff he is facing.

It feels like it will never end. I pray hearts soften and children be given the freedoms to be children and to be free to love both parents without constraint. Dissension between former spouses is not the ideal for children; nor is separation from either parent for any length of time when young.

So, what is something that could be garnered here? Blended families are quite difficult in ideal circumstances. They are destructive to children in less than ideal ~ please listen if you are hesitating in your marriage. Seek God, pray, submit, seek outside help for the challenges if need be ~ protect your family. God can hold anything together, but you must be willing to sacrifice and trust. Life is not necessarily better on the other side, and things are so much more complicated for the children. My first marriage dissolved upon God's release, and this one occured with His leading...but our children have suffered tremendously, and while God can and will heal them and redeem the time while using it all for His glory, it has been hard to walk through, especially knowing that many of their trials could have been prevented (and, given the obvious circumstances, there will be many more to come).

Other co-parenting issues ~ while I had thought the home schooling decision had been clarified between my former husband and myself, two days before our Hilton Head vacation he told me our children needed to be enrolled in the public schools or he would take me to court to force the issue. Just like that ~ I thought we were through all concerns, but evidently not. Perhaps he didn't hear me in my last assertion that was never challenged in June...or perhaps he believed I might change my mind about my decision...I don't know. This is not typical for us, and I was baffled.

Since God led the homeschool decision, I knew He could make it pass but I really didn't look forward to my own court involvement after the heavy summer. Steve (my former husband) and I had always worked things out without the courts (even our divorce). I just started praying internally while stating my surprise and expressing my concerns related to why I had intended to home school in the first place and why it was best for our fifth grader. While he was out to dinner with the girls I continued praying as well as gathering the curriculum I had selected (with him in mind when I chose it, knowing his triggers and concerns).

I brought it out to show him when he returned, again explained my position and why I believed it was best for our daughter and for her future and what I hoped to accomplish with this time at home (leaving the Lord's will out of the discussion because of his immense fear and belief that we are becoming somewhat cultish with our faith). God blessed me ~ Steve allowed me to home school Michelle. Kari he would not concede, but that is okay. At the beginning my intention was to spend the year with Michelle alone, anyway, because of her special needs. Kari just really wanted to be a part, and I saw no reason why she could not. Praise God that He is faithful in establishing those things that He calls us to.

So, Kari went to meet her teachers today at her new school (we were rezoned). They seem delightful. God provided an added bonus to tie this all together ~ Michelle will be allowed to participate in the art room with Kari's class (with the teacher who actually taught her father years ago) while I serve as a volunteer during that time. How cool is that?! We serve an awesome and amazing God. :-) I am sure that this afternoon will also prove to be to His glory despite how it feels. I am grateful that we are so blessed as to have God who loves us so despite our total depravity and lack of deserving for anything good. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!