The Big D

Divorce...I ran into an old acquaintance at the pool over the weekend. We had seen each other twice in the same week (and I really have not seen her for years). I knew her when I was previously married. We decided that we were supposed to catch up a bit since this was highly unusual. The discussion turned to divorce/remarriage as she asked me "what is your last name now that you are remarried and don't go by Willard any more? A simple question that reflects so much about where society has gone.

I am not proud to be in the category of "divorcees." I am certainly not one who condones divorce. I read recently that most people who have divorced encourage their friends who are considering separating to go ahead and do so. I was appaled! The study went on to state that people who are divorced feel like hypocrites if they advocate against it so they don't, and they feel like they are "right" about what they have chosen so they want to defend their own position. I say give me a break!! I really encourage everybody I know who is "considering" that option to throw it out completely as it is not the answer to anything. I did divorce, yes. I had several very good reasons, yes. God even freed me to go ahead and finalize the papers...but it was still a VERY DIFFICULT DECISION and most people I speak with don't have near the "stuff" happening in their marriage that was in mine. Not that I have an excuse, I am just saying that I am amazed at the "reasons" given by people ~ they all come down to one thing (once again...sigh) ME ~ my *needs,* my *rights,* etc. WE are so incredibly self-centered.

I don't have a full week go by that I don't notice the impact of divorce upon my children or my life. I pray daily that my children will be fully blessed by family and all that it means, despite divorce. I go out of my way to love and encourage my former husband and his wife, as well as my husband's former wife and her husband - no matter what. We have taken the "high road" so many times when it would be so easy to react and respond in ways that promote ill will. We have been in court (having been taken in or forced to go) a few times related to my stepkids (this only in the four years I have been married, my husband has been much more) in situations where we could have turned the tables or pushed the envelope to "win" much. But the kids would lose. Why would a parent ever want to do that?!

This whole mode of thinking started by this conversation at the pool was related to a comment my friend made. She fairly accurately stated that separation isn't even to work things out anymore, it is just a legal step toward divorce. This came up because her brother-in-law had just announced his imminent separation, and she and her husband (the BIL's brother) were shocked. They didn't even know there were problems in the marriage. Her husband's response to his brother was "What??? How can you do that? You have not shared any difficulties or struggles between you all...how can this be out of the blue?? (They are pretty close) You have not been seeking support to grow back together; you have not tried any counseling; you have not given it all efforts...what are you thinking?!" Praise God some people still do believe in commitment. Wish we all did.