Decisions, Decisions...

I just love how God works...but I also struggle at times with hearing Him and knowing how He is working or wants to work in my life and/or the lives of my children. Does anybody else struggle with the strong desire to honor God while not knowing exactly what His plan is?. This is where I sit right now.

A few months ago I posted about not knowing what God would have me do regarding my children, schooling, my work...next year...

I thought it had been settled that I would be working 25 hours per week, taking Rose with me so she could attend preschool where I work (Wakefield School). The preschool hours are 8:45-1:15, so I could put the older girls on their bus, come in to work, and then leave around 1:30 or 1:45 (Rose could be in my office with me wrapping up), thus being able to support all of the children's needs in my life. This was what I thought God had planned.

Though this meant working every day, I accepted it and presumed that the extra hours were related to reaching the people I worked with in some way, as well as God's plan for our church (we could use some extra $$ right now, with my working so much more than what I am doing this year it would significantly increase our family's tithe). I also realized that, though it would tax me in my home manager role, it would still allow me to be a "stay at home mom" of sorts in that I would always be home when the girls were. My boss had even agreed that I could stay home the days our County had off when the private school was in session. All seemed good ~ but I still submitted to God (well, perhaps whined is the better word) that if this was not His plan, please stop me in the process.

Fast forward to this week. I recieved the acceptance packet for Rose in the mail over the weekend. Last week I had recieved my contract but it still reflected 9 hours per week. My boss told me that was a mistake in communication between herself and the headmaster, which she would rectify. The acceptance packet for Rose did not indicate a 75% tuition remission (which is provided for the first child enrolled by full-time employees). We cannot afford the cost her attending with me without the remission. It is a wonderful school; Bo and I would place all the kids here if it made sense financially as we really like the curriculum and teachers, but it really isn't in our budget nor, from what we understand, God's plan.

Anyway, I want to do what God wants me to do. I really want to do this regardless if it means I have to work full-time. Please don't misunderstand my struggle here. I prefer not working, but would do anything if I had assurance that it was God's intention. I especially prefer assurance when it seems to be in conflict with my biblical roles as help meet first, mother second, worker bee third. When I spoke with my boss about the confusion with the admission packet, we looked into things further. It seems that the Board has changed qualifications for full-time status to 30 hours per week versus 25 (which makes sense, but is not what it was a few years ago whenI was "full time" at 24 hours per week, working three 8 hour days).

My boss has asked that I change my hours to 30 so I can work this out financially...I was struggling with 25. My heart is not certain what is right. It would also mean Rose be enrolled in the extended day program, so a bit more money, and a bit more time in "daycare." I don't know what is right. The good news is that I don't have to decide yet, I still need to have this change (even to 25) agreed to by the headmaster, who has always stated to me that he would love to have me here full-time, but has budgeted me for 9 hours. The only reason he would not be able to change my contract would be if he could not come up with an appropriate salary.

So, God is in control again. If the headmaster can come up with a salary that supports 30 hours, I am going to presume it is God's will, since I am not hearing Him clearly otherwise and am too emotionally close to this to discern. Salaries are set based upon projected students' attendance since 93% of the school's income comes from tuition. My boss was not sure he could come up with the extra salary funds since he has already worked the budget and plan.

I have been fasting and praying for leading about this, among other things, this week. Please pray with me that God will lead clearly, and the ultimate decision reflect His will. He has a plan for Rose and myself, of this I am assured ~ ultimately, it will be for the good of more than us, so I wait and pray to know His will, that I might submit and be joyful...join with me in trusting Him.

Thanks ~