A Week of Things ~

It has been one of those weeks where God has been the anchor as I have had to seek Him to keep my emotions on an even keel in order to support the family members around me. I have not been perfect, but He has been faithful. I am so grateful that I have Him to turn to...

Last Thursday evening we had a tragedy in our home. Our dear hamster, Cookie, not only escaped her cage, but also escaped Michelle's room ~ and the cats found her before we even knew she was gone. I can't begin to explain the pain I had from that...Michelle was absolutely devastated and I didn't know how to comfort her. I was even more devastated with guilty feelings as I should have considered that she does not do well in focusing when her step-siblings are here (things are much more chaotic and off schedule, and they had arrived on Tuesday last week). I also knew this new habitrail home she got for her birthday was less secure (the hamster had escaped a couple of times, but usually when in my room with the door closed so it didn't amount to life challenges). I should have made the executive decision to bring Cookie back to my room during their visit. I really struggled that evening with the sadness of my daughter, and my own lack of foresight. It was nearly excruciating. Even now I feel terrible ~ Cookie trusted us to care for her and she was totally behaving normal, as were the cats. It was strictly error in caretaking. Owww...

That same day in the earlier afternoon, my stepson had recieved a call from his mother telling him that he would probably be going to a military (or similar to this, I couldn't tell from the web site and he didn't know much) high school. He was devastated ~ but trying to rally and make the best of it. He is not a difficult kid by any stretch of the imagination. He is quite obedient and works hard ~ but the County in Florida where he lives has mediocre public schools and they have many private school options that can be "lotteried" for students. They don't cost extra, just require securing a position. The school he was won placement in was one of the two his folks had put his name in for. He had really wanted to go to the local public school, play in the band, and perhaps try out for football (which, from the appearances, was not as bad as some, but I don't live there so cannot know), but they were not for the extracurricular activities, and had recently told him they changed their mind in allowing that school as an option.

He has been to three different schools in the four years he has lived in Florida. Now he will probably be moving to another school where none of his friends will be following (as he did when he entered his current middle school from his first middle school). My heart was sad for him - he expressed feeling trapped and defeated, but then rallied and said that it would probably be great...and there was nothing I could say except that he should submit it to the Lord in prayer. Bless him, oh Lord - guide his heart and mind and direct his paths.

The next day my mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure. We were supposed to go visit she and my father-in-law to share dinner and celebrate my stepdaughter's birthday on Saturday afternoon as she hadn't been feeling up to joining us at our house ~ instead we visited her in the hospital Saturday morning. She actually looked better than she had on Wednesday when the kids visited her home while I worked, but she wasn't doing great. Today is six days from her admission date and I just got off of the phone with her; she was discharged home an hour ago. Originally she wanted to go home on Sunday. Her time on earth is shortening ~ only God knows the hour, but she has been struggling with many health ailments over the past few years, and visits to the hospital getting closer together, healthy days fewer. I keep praying she can release it all to our Lord and draw closer to Him ~ she is so unhappy with her health status and resigned to feeling bad. It is not fun for older people whose bodies are shutting down ~ she suffers from lupus, diabetes, and heart challenges (all related). I wish I could do more, but it is in His hands.

My stepdaughter got a call on Saturday informing her that she needed to choose which two of her family's five cats she wanted to keep. Apparently they were making too many messes and costing too much time/energy and expense for her parents. My heart grieved as I watched her struggle to come to grips with the terrible news as well as try to decide which cats had the best chance for being adopted out again by a family once they were given to the shelter. This was so hard for her - she is truly an animal lover. She had cried for nearly a day during her last visit when we told her that we had lost a calf over the winter (one that she had fed two times during her Thanksgiving visit, and seen once at Christmas). She is tender toward God's creatures - it is one of her beautiful gifts. I pulled her into my arms after she got done sharing the news...and cried with her in my heart - I really could not say anything that would help. Oh, the angst of a mother's heart. I can't describe what was going through my being - Praise God that He knows our hearts and hears the depths of prayers we cannot even speak.

On Sunday evening, Michelle got home with a bit more pep and distraction than usual. She had eaten foods containing milk products for both lunch and dinner on Sunday. (Which we had discovered at the end of December she is highly allergic to). This not only made home challenging, but school for her on Monday and yesterday was more difficult. She could not stay as focused and could not think as clearly. She tends to be more anxious and internally agitated as well as not sleep good. She also wets her bed for three nights each time she ingests anything cotnaining a milk product (even chocolate ~ it takes that long to get out of her system). This after she had been dry for nearly two full weeks was not fun for her. My former husband has always thought me to be rigid and wrong with the protective efforts I have instilled around Michelle related to foods. He has never fully complied with her dietary needs in the past which I had given up explaining, but this one I have been really clear about. I do believe he tries pretty hard but he is not fully understanding. I can understand how hard it is to get it re: what happens to a child related to foods if you are not living with her full time ~ but I wish he would honor things any way. I feel so badly for Michelle when she loses her abilities simply because of something she has ingested...and that it always takes so long for her to bounce back (three days is a long time for a child). It seems unfair ~ but not an unusual product of divorce. Praise God that He is faithful to deliver us, heal us, and bind up our broken hearts. Hallelujah that He is sovereign and wise.

Now, on the good news front (and there were many, many good moments over the last week, too - please don't misunderstand! I am just tired from the trying ones). Rose is doing better with the "loss" of her siblings this time around. She had so much anxiety around them coming to visit (counting the seconds and saying that we are not a full family until they arrive, telling me that she does not like caring because it hurts...). People from our church have been praying for her heart this time ~ Oh Lord, thank you that You answer our prayers and care for the smallest details of our lives. I am so blessed to see less stress and heartache than I have seen in the past in Rosie's actions and adjustments. Oh, thank you that we have a friend in heaven who knows us and cares for our every need. I am so blessed to be in Christ. I would not know how to begin to deal with daily life without Him. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all you have done for us. May I look at my daily challenges as opportunities to grow and glorify You. Amen.