Fasting for Lent

Discipline seems to be a non-valued quality in our culture these days. As I was reflecting on the current season of Lent and how many denominations encourage Christians to give something up during the days preceeding Easter (television, chocolate, video games...), I realize that this is a good training ground for some people in the area of self-control and drawing closer to God, while just an exercise in religious games for others.

How often, when participating in a Lenten fast, do we really think about why we are giving things up? I know that before I pursued a deeper relationship with the Lord (versus the one I had growing up, where I heard His Spirit nudging me throughout my life as I "tried" to do what was right), I had a pretty *decent* relationship with religion and religious practices. This included attending church, following rules, and taking notes during sermons as a way of trying to understand God, while being somewhat unaware about how church attendance and following these practices drew me closer to God. I often felt closer to God outside of this Sunday attendance practice ~ during my prayer times and hours spent admiring the beauty of His Creation. I sometimes wondered as to how to related what attending church was for, besides the intellectual pursuit of understanding God coupled with the "good feeling" I got while being there.

During those days, when I fasted from meat,ice cream, chocolate, or whatever (during Lent), it was without true understanding of purpose. I did it to agree with the system ~ to participate with "God", and I did it half-focused. Today, though I am not fasting during this Lenten season, I fast for different reasons, forgoing various things whenever I feel led by the Lord to do so. I have learned so much about God and myself during these times of fasting; so much more than when I gave something up for Lent...It has been a true delight and a period of growing closer to our Lord as well as loving Him more and being more awed by His power and grace and mercy.

I remember my feelings of amazement during the first few times I "fasted for a day" in order to draw closer to God in obedience. Everything suddenly became so much more tempting, my mind would play tricks on me about what I was missing, how I wouldn't have a chance to taste this or that if I didn't have it (e.g. it always seemed that parents would drop off baked goods or candies for the teachers at the school those days when I was working) ~ I had to actively CHOOSE to deny myself, often telling God "no, You are more important and I am going to honor my agreement." It was truly a bittersweet time as I was getting *nothing* out of the fast that served my conscious fleshly body, and at times felt that it was silly to even be pursuing. Gradually, over time, I discovered that it was during this time that I understood the power God gave to us through His Spirit. I understood the cravings of my body, driven by my mind more often than not and how "taking each thought captive to the obedience of Christ" was a powerful tool of victory in pursuit of sacrificial living...even relatively *small* sacrifice.

Stepping stones...each that we step upon can bring us closer to the edge of ourselves, into the arms of our Heavenly Father...or can topple and roll ~ causing us momentarily to lose our balance and/or bearings, until the path is laid clear before us once again...

Praise God for His stabilizing Hands as we cross our river of stones ~ slowly but steadily approximating Christ's control over our own desires

Do You Know What Faith Is?

I liked this simple summary; wanted to share :-)

A Prophetic Exhortation
By Patricia Bankhead

Date: Mar 17, 2009

Do you not know what faith is? Faith has nothing to do with your eyes or what you can see in the natural. Faith is standing on My promises in spite of your circumstances.

Faith is waiting patiently on Me, no matter how long, until I perform My word. Faith is running to Me when your heart has been broken instead of running to the alcohol bottle. Faith is receiving your healing when there is nothing but pain in your body. Faith is knowing I will provide when there is no food on the table. Faith is not worrying when you hear bad news. Faith is when you stand up face-to-face with your problems and say, "I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus."

Faith is walking in My victory; it is believing in an manner that ushers forth the mighty move of My hand that this generation so longs to see.

Abba

God is SO in Control

I was reading Genesis this week, and was enjoying the story about Abram and Sarai again...How God told Abram he would have a son from whom would come descendants as numerous as the stars (I am not sure I would believe that if I were over 80 and childless, frankly)....That they had trouble believing is not even in question here to me, and after several years I would imagine that of course Sarai felt like she was not capable of fulfilling the promise (and perhaps thought she wasn't qualified, since God had promised her husband, not her)...

So goes Sarai to take matters into her own hands and tell her husband that the her maidservant could bear this anointed son....It would appear, as well, that Abram agreed with her that perhaps *she* was the problem in the fulfillment of His promise...

Do I ever do things like this? Take over when it *appears* that what God has promised me might not be happening and what I believe about my inability makes more sense than what God has said? Do I doubt His very word to me ~ the Creator of our Universe, Alpha and Omega, Father of all, capable of all things?! I have to laugh at that questi0n as I often do doubt ~ Lord increase my faith!

However, what was most interesting to me this week was the longer range of God's plan and perfect provision ~ let me share with you some of Chapter 15 (before Sarai takes matters into her own hands)

4 Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." 5 He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
6 Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness. "

God then cuts covenant with Abram as a binding agreement to be responsible for the fulfillment of what He has promised...

12 As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him. 13 Then the LORD said to him, "Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated four hundred years. 14 But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions. 15 You, however, will go to your fathers in peace and be buried at a good old age. 16 In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure."

This was the part that stood out to me...God is talking about the next FOUR HUNDRED YEARS.
He also states fourth generation they would return ~ Let's count...Abraham begat Isaac, Isaac begat Jacob, Jacob begat Joseph...one, two, three...during the fourth generation (Manasseh's), Moses delivered Israel (descendants of Jacob, who was renamed "Israel" by God) from the Egyptians. They had been enslaved for just over 400 years.

Now, God got Israel to Egypt through Joseph and his brothers (sons of Jacob). They became slaves after Joseph died, and were mistreated until Moses came along, upon God's hand, and got them out of Egypt to return to their "promised land."

If God can plan so much in advance, knowing all that would transpire and orchestrating it *just so* to work in His perfect timing, despite our waywardness, lack of faith, and all other sinful life choices, how much more can He walk us through the current economic and dark times?! Praise God that He is always faithful to His promises ~ "But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast "(Hebrews 3:6) Amen?

Are We the Master??

I was attending a lecture series on Revelation this weekend (which was fascinating and engaging, btw), and found this entry in my flip journal while I was taking notes. I had written it late one night after struggling with some things a few months ago. As I scanned it, I thought I would share to see if anybody else ever felt this way...

Everyone is not a master of their own world, though we often strive to be. I need to stop reacting to the externals as if I am the master, and responding to the internals, fully knowing that I am not ~ trusting the Lord to lead and have perfect timing for all things...

I so desperately hurt when hearing from others how much I have let them down...where I have fallen short of their expectations which somehow I feel obligated to meet. Why am I not good enough to be valued just as I am?...

Why me, Lord? Do I let You down, as well, when I disappoint or hurt or confuse others? Am I really supposed to meet their percieved needs as I am supposed to have a heart of compassion and love toward them...? We are called to consider others as more important than ourselves, forgive 70 times 7, turn the other cheek, pray for those who persecute, bless our enemies, etc. The taunting ringing in my ears says "yes, God knew I would fail Him, God knew I would never measure up to His holy standards no matter how desperately I desired to..." ...
but that is a mockery of truth, from the father of lies himself ~ the father of pride and self-absorption. A mockery of the reality that we were NEVER supposed to even try to measure up ~ we are designed to recieve that we might give ~ the enemy of our souls would have us reverse this...

A still small voice presses in; gracious and encouraging ~ Hush, my child. Be still. You are loved. You are forgiven. I have loved you with an everlasting love ~ the depth of which knows no bounds. I expected your 'failing' ~ you weren't leaning on Me. You see, you can do nothing apart from Me, but with Me and in Me All things are possible...When will you understand, my child, what true love and rest really mean? When will you see yourself through My eyes? My masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made.

I can do no wrong ~ was I wrong in creating you? Not at all. Did I somehow create you with dysfunction? No - I gave you exactly what I intended to do. Your heart, your mind, your very breath came from Me. I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were, I Am.

How then, child, can you not see the beauty that lies before Me, in you? Your eyes, your heart toward Me ~ such joy and pleasure. I delight in these things. You have been made perfect in Me. Fret not, my dear, for you truly are forgiven of your failings. They are but human error, I am divine.

I love you just as you are ~ I in thee, thee in Me. We can do all things. Trust Me, abide in Me, draw closer to Me, rest. I am Love.

And then the truth hits me more profoundly. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak. The truth screams to me ~ I am often unwilling to give up my life....Why? "I Want...."

Lord, until YOU become more than "I want," my life will not be a powerful witness to you. May I grow in stature of love for You that I lose the I in that statement and transform it to YOU. Amen.

A Story I Read This Morning ~

I have two husbands: A polygamist’s diary
A polygamist on her ‘non-traditional’ lifestyle — and why ‘Big Love’ is silly

"Non-traditional" is a popular catchall phrase that seems, in common usage, to mean anything that differs from the mainstream. It also describes a large portion of my life.
My upbringing was entirely unremarkable, and certainly included nothing of this sort. I was first introduced to such alternative relationships in college when a female friend of mine and I knowingly decided to share the same boyfriend.

No, not a threesome, just going out with the same guy. It was partially a matter of convenience, and partially the fact that we were close friends. We both liked him very much, didn't want to fight over him, and he wasn't anxious to choose between us. As this was my first intimate relationship and it became polyamorous, it is hardly surprising that I ended up in a polygamist marriage. My first husband was Alan.

We fell together like a couple of old shoes, somehow instantly comfortable with each other. We had similar opinions about plural relationships, and neither of us was averse to the idea. Around a year and a half after we were married, we met Eric. He and I were instantly attracted to each other and, as Alan had no objection, we began getting to know each other better. Over time, I found myself falling in love with Eric. Alan certainly wasn't blind to this, so we all got together to discuss it. This turned out to be one of the most important conversations of my life, and led to an increase in my family’s size.

Alan and Eric let me make the sleeping arrangements, and I worked to make sure I spent time with both of them. To all outward appearances we were a married couple with a male friend living with us. While some found it awkward when the three of us occasionally attended parties and such together, very few people attempted to pry. To avoid legal troubles, I remained legally married to Alan, and we all decided a larger house was in order when we met Leslie.

Fast forward to today, and our family is now composed of Alan, Eric, Leslie, Amber, and myself, plus our children: Todd, Steve, Jennifer, Lisa, and Amber is currently pregnant. Eric and Leslie are legally married, and we've added a few rooms to the house. We have two family meetings a week, one of which is for adults only, both of which can get lively and loud. We've had our arguments over money, people monopolizing other people's time, dealing with children's issues, and so forth — like any other family — but we just have more voices in the discussion.

As far as finances are concerned, Alan, Eric and Leslie all work, and Amber intends to go back to work after the baby is born. I kind of became the head Mom and housekeeper, and we all take turns at cooking except for Eric. (We all try to keep him out of the kitchen. We've decided we like the house, and we don't want him to burn it down.) We have main household accounts for bills and home improvements, and we all have our own personal accounts as well. Alan keeps all the books balanced, as he's best at it. Amber and I both receive a kind of salary for what we do around the house.

Our respective families are aware that Alan and I are married, that Eric and Leslie are married, and that Amber is living with us. If they are suspicious of anything else, they've never mentioned it. Fascinating how people avoid asking uncomfortable questions.
When ‘Big Love’ came out, we all thought it was pretty silly. To start with, we all consider ourselves to be one family, not three separate but connected families. The ideas that plural marriage is restricted to the one man and several wives model — and that it has to have a religious basis — are both ridiculous. We also don't consider the political jockeying, the backbiting, and the attempts to get more of the husband's attention or money, to be loving behavior. If the youngest wife is so insecure, she should go find herself a nice monogamous man.

This lifestyle really isn't for everybody. We are all here because we love each other and we choose to be together. Those who think it is all about sex really don't understand. Those who think something kinky must be going on seriously don't understand. Incidentally, for those who insist on knowing, we are all straight. This did not keep me from sleeping in Leslie's bed for a few nights and holding her as we cried after she had a miscarriage. We all love and support each other, and try to see that everyone's needs are met. And, as most eventually discover, people's needs extend beyond sex.

With all the traditions we have coming from other cultures and various parts of the country, who's to say what is or isn't mainstream? Kind of makes "non-traditional" lose its meaning.

Your turn!
What’s your take on polygamy?

Mine is *UGH, WRONG* (though somewhat fascinating in a curious sense), and to agree with any form of "non-traditional" marriage certainly would be cheating myself out of the delight and challenge of really growing into an intimate relationship with someone, that ultimately not only chisels and refines us if we persist in love, but also has potential to reflect God's love to a dying world...How sad if I were just to "play house" with a bunch of friends and swap partners sometimes...something about that just doesn't seem right...and how do the kids manage to get it all straight?? What do they tell people at the school when their mom and another mom's dad had them?? Waaaay too messed up for my book. I am amazed this exists, shows how "sheltered" I am. Praise God for that! :-)

Fun Comparisons

I was in a really neat place with God last night, and this song from Air Supply (remember them?) began running through my head ~ well, the main chorus did...so, this morning I looked it up. I thought it was an appropriate love song to our LORD ~

Can't Fight this Feeling

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself, that I can't hold out forever

I say there is no reason for my fear

Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And even as I wonder I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shoreand throw away the oars forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

I've been running around in circles in my mind

Baby it always seems that I'm following you

Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wonder I'm keeping you sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting forIt's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

A Poem from Last night

As I was praying last night and getting ready for bed, this came to me...I wanted to share.

From the depth of darkness

the beam of light

penetrates

Illumining all in its path

casting glow to the shadows...

Shinmering fresh and pure, it emerges

freely traveling

through the fleeing darkness.

Possessing powerful simplicity;

quiet, yet determined

inch by inch it reaches the corners~

None can change its path...

steady and true from its origin

Inviting, beckoning...

seeking to expand and fill the space.

Formless blobs take on shape and meaning;

as the glow gets brighter and brighter

revealing all with its gentle caress ~

these long forgotten things...

bumps, etchings, scratches, boulders~

illumining hidden beauty

and tarnished treasures...

giving freedom

and hope

for new life.