A Psalm of David
37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
2 For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. [2]
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!
8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
9 For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.
10 In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
11 But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.
12 The wicked plots against the righteous
and gnashes his teeth at him,
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that his day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose way is upright;
15 their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.
16 Better is the little that the righteous has
than the abundance of many wicked.
17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.
18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will remain forever;
19 they are not put to shame in evil times;
in the days of famine they have abundance.
20 But the wicked will perish;
the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.
21 The wicked borrows but does not pay back,
but the righteous is generous and gives;
22 for those blessed by the Lord [3] shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.
23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.
25 I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
26 He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.
27 Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
29 The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.
32 The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
33 The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.
34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.
35 I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,
spreading himself like a green laurel tree. [4]
36 But he passed away, [5] and behold, he was no more;
though I sought him, he could not be found.
37 Mark the blameless and behold the upright,
for there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the future of the wicked shall be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
~Amen
Footnotes
[1] 37:1 This psalm is an acrostic poem, each stanza beginning with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
God's Faithful Provision...in odd ways
In my last post I mentioned that I would share some of the ways God provided for me (and, I should say, looked out for my best) this summer ~ showing me over and over that HE is available and in control.
Two days before our annual trip to Hilton Head, SC, my contract was approved to begin working part-time as an independently contracted Occupational Therapist with a local Parent-Infant program. The beauty of this is that God provided this opportunity/lead the day after I discovered I needed to start working again, and might have to give up homeschooling. This job supports my need for income while allowing flexibility for me to continue to homeschool my daughters. He provided the window of opportunity for this in May, and I followed - despite having to work double time within my then current busy schedule, taking five state regulated classes for agency requirements, and three national regulated classes for my license renewal, as well as renewing my CPR and First Aid certification....With HIS help, I was able to complete all of the classes and process the stacks of paper requirements (license, knowledge, request for proposal, liability insurance, etc.) by the mid-June deadline to submit it to the County for approval. Because the approval came two days before our trip, and I had one child "waiting in the wings" - despite there not being an official contract, the company allowed me to see that one child and then plan for the rest when I returned from the beach (my contract would be mailed by that time). This process could have been very daunting (needed money, had to pay out a lot to get the job, uncertain about how the job would work out with my schedule and needs, etc.) but I trusted the LORD and followed...and it has worked out beyond my best expectations at this point in all areas ~ even the delayed contracting worked out best because I was just TOO BUSY in July with family needs to be running for work and it would have had a negative effect on my kids...HE knew this and provided funds for that month, and the time I needed with family :-)
Forward on to my visit with the one child I was approved for (kind of getting my feet wet) the morning before we left for Hilton Head. After the visit was completed, I got in my car, mind flipping through all of the "to do" things on my list for firm up prior to departure...and my van would not start. I was at a relative "stranger's" house, my children were at a temporary sitter (who had very little time available), and I was stranded...as I looked at this and wanted to cry from stress, I decided instead to thank the LORD for HIS provision ~ as I knew He had a purpose and this was an opportunity I had not yet recognized. A few phone calls later, and I was on my way to a friend's auto-body shop, my car was awaiting a tow, and my kids were being picked up by a neighbor from the sitter and brought to another home...which was amazing in itself since the timing of my call to my neighbor was right when she had left for work (her husband works from home, they share a car) so she was able to turn around, return home, and have him drive her to work (on time) so he could go pick up my kids.
As I sat in the auto body shop for several hours, kids safe and no major obligations, I was able to read Max Lucado's book John 3:16 and visit some with my girlfriend from homeschool who ran the inside of the shop her husband owned. It was a lovely visit, and when noontime came he fed me one of the best homemade burgers I had ever had...I almost cried then in gratitude for all the help and love I had recieved that morning. God is so very good! The best part of the day was recognizing that HE allowed this to happen when I was able to get the help I needed, from people who loved Him and would care for me well, BEFORE I was driving ten hours down the road with four young girls in the car. Imagining how it would have been if the battery had gone (which is what ended up being the case) when I had come out of a McDonald's "somewhere" on the interstate the next day was all I needed to praise Him again for His faithful care.
So, when I arrive home that day my oldest daughter tells me that her ear hurts...badly. I was able to get her in to see her doctor (amazing), to discover she had swimmer's ear AND an inner ear infection...again, praises that this was taken care of before our departure as she was heading straight from Hilton Head to Nags Head with her dad. We were able to get her medicine, get packed, and get the animals squared away before her swim team end of year party that evening as well ~ and all I could do was sit in amazement at God's faithfulness to pay attention to even the little things that are important to us...
Next day, we are about 1 1/2 hours into our trip when my youngest daughter suddenly feels ill and within seconds throws up ~ as I dump my bag of "snacks" on the seat next to me and reach back to hand her the grocery bag to use for her "second" heave, she misses and gets sick again...BUT this is not a terrible thing as I had just been looking for a place to stop for breakfast and found one that was only 1 mile away. Also, because she had a blanket over her, still somewhat sleepy, I was able to fold the blanket up from the bottom and trap the fluids versus having them continue to spread in the car. We went in to McDonald's and while the girls were eating I washed out the blanket in the bathroom, wiped down her seat and seat belt, and was able to pretty much clear the car of all traces of the incident...WHAT A BLESSING~ we still had eight hours of driving to go. :-) Rose was able to rest through the remainder of the day without feeling sick again; eating bland foods and sprite ~ I thought then, and still believe, it was related to her taking her liquid antibiotic on a fairly empty stomach that morning (for her ear infection, that was almost healed) so wasn't concerned that it was going to happen all day, and was very grateful that it did not :-)
Finally, when we arrived in Hilton Head, as we were driving the last 10 miles, I noticed that I had lost one of the crosses from my necklace. I have a necklace that is pretty special to me, which I have been wearing for about a year. I consisted of three crosses I had been given at various times in my life ~ one was larger and fairly ornate/filigree (gold), the next was slightly smaller and simple, the third was very small and had a tiny diamond chip in it (I had recieved it from my aunt at my college graduation). This was the one that had disappeared...I was so very sad ~ but I trusted that God knew even about this and what it meant to me, so I believe that there is purpose even in this...not sure if it is because HE has expanded so much in my life since that time that the tiny sparkle did not reflect the power of His light and Spirit as much as He deserved, or if it was time to move on with the necklace, or if I was going to recieve another cross that was perfect for the trio...either way, I know it is okay. I still have my "Father and Son" crosses, and may leave the necklace as it is, return to single crosses, or find the "perfect" representation for the Holy Spirit as He is at this point on my journey to add back to the necklace. Either way, I know HE has me covered, and that is all I need to know. :-)
Two days before our annual trip to Hilton Head, SC, my contract was approved to begin working part-time as an independently contracted Occupational Therapist with a local Parent-Infant program. The beauty of this is that God provided this opportunity/lead the day after I discovered I needed to start working again, and might have to give up homeschooling. This job supports my need for income while allowing flexibility for me to continue to homeschool my daughters. He provided the window of opportunity for this in May, and I followed - despite having to work double time within my then current busy schedule, taking five state regulated classes for agency requirements, and three national regulated classes for my license renewal, as well as renewing my CPR and First Aid certification....With HIS help, I was able to complete all of the classes and process the stacks of paper requirements (license, knowledge, request for proposal, liability insurance, etc.) by the mid-June deadline to submit it to the County for approval. Because the approval came two days before our trip, and I had one child "waiting in the wings" - despite there not being an official contract, the company allowed me to see that one child and then plan for the rest when I returned from the beach (my contract would be mailed by that time). This process could have been very daunting (needed money, had to pay out a lot to get the job, uncertain about how the job would work out with my schedule and needs, etc.) but I trusted the LORD and followed...and it has worked out beyond my best expectations at this point in all areas ~ even the delayed contracting worked out best because I was just TOO BUSY in July with family needs to be running for work and it would have had a negative effect on my kids...HE knew this and provided funds for that month, and the time I needed with family :-)
Forward on to my visit with the one child I was approved for (kind of getting my feet wet) the morning before we left for Hilton Head. After the visit was completed, I got in my car, mind flipping through all of the "to do" things on my list for firm up prior to departure...and my van would not start. I was at a relative "stranger's" house, my children were at a temporary sitter (who had very little time available), and I was stranded...as I looked at this and wanted to cry from stress, I decided instead to thank the LORD for HIS provision ~ as I knew He had a purpose and this was an opportunity I had not yet recognized. A few phone calls later, and I was on my way to a friend's auto-body shop, my car was awaiting a tow, and my kids were being picked up by a neighbor from the sitter and brought to another home...which was amazing in itself since the timing of my call to my neighbor was right when she had left for work (her husband works from home, they share a car) so she was able to turn around, return home, and have him drive her to work (on time) so he could go pick up my kids.
As I sat in the auto body shop for several hours, kids safe and no major obligations, I was able to read Max Lucado's book John 3:16 and visit some with my girlfriend from homeschool who ran the inside of the shop her husband owned. It was a lovely visit, and when noontime came he fed me one of the best homemade burgers I had ever had...I almost cried then in gratitude for all the help and love I had recieved that morning. God is so very good! The best part of the day was recognizing that HE allowed this to happen when I was able to get the help I needed, from people who loved Him and would care for me well, BEFORE I was driving ten hours down the road with four young girls in the car. Imagining how it would have been if the battery had gone (which is what ended up being the case) when I had come out of a McDonald's "somewhere" on the interstate the next day was all I needed to praise Him again for His faithful care.
So, when I arrive home that day my oldest daughter tells me that her ear hurts...badly. I was able to get her in to see her doctor (amazing), to discover she had swimmer's ear AND an inner ear infection...again, praises that this was taken care of before our departure as she was heading straight from Hilton Head to Nags Head with her dad. We were able to get her medicine, get packed, and get the animals squared away before her swim team end of year party that evening as well ~ and all I could do was sit in amazement at God's faithfulness to pay attention to even the little things that are important to us...
Next day, we are about 1 1/2 hours into our trip when my youngest daughter suddenly feels ill and within seconds throws up ~ as I dump my bag of "snacks" on the seat next to me and reach back to hand her the grocery bag to use for her "second" heave, she misses and gets sick again...BUT this is not a terrible thing as I had just been looking for a place to stop for breakfast and found one that was only 1 mile away. Also, because she had a blanket over her, still somewhat sleepy, I was able to fold the blanket up from the bottom and trap the fluids versus having them continue to spread in the car. We went in to McDonald's and while the girls were eating I washed out the blanket in the bathroom, wiped down her seat and seat belt, and was able to pretty much clear the car of all traces of the incident...WHAT A BLESSING~ we still had eight hours of driving to go. :-) Rose was able to rest through the remainder of the day without feeling sick again; eating bland foods and sprite ~ I thought then, and still believe, it was related to her taking her liquid antibiotic on a fairly empty stomach that morning (for her ear infection, that was almost healed) so wasn't concerned that it was going to happen all day, and was very grateful that it did not :-)
Finally, when we arrived in Hilton Head, as we were driving the last 10 miles, I noticed that I had lost one of the crosses from my necklace. I have a necklace that is pretty special to me, which I have been wearing for about a year. I consisted of three crosses I had been given at various times in my life ~ one was larger and fairly ornate/filigree (gold), the next was slightly smaller and simple, the third was very small and had a tiny diamond chip in it (I had recieved it from my aunt at my college graduation). This was the one that had disappeared...I was so very sad ~ but I trusted that God knew even about this and what it meant to me, so I believe that there is purpose even in this...not sure if it is because HE has expanded so much in my life since that time that the tiny sparkle did not reflect the power of His light and Spirit as much as He deserved, or if it was time to move on with the necklace, or if I was going to recieve another cross that was perfect for the trio...either way, I know it is okay. I still have my "Father and Son" crosses, and may leave the necklace as it is, return to single crosses, or find the "perfect" representation for the Holy Spirit as He is at this point on my journey to add back to the necklace. Either way, I know HE has me covered, and that is all I need to know. :-)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Blessings From Our Father
I have had so much going on the past few months...not all in the worldly sense "good" ~ yet God has been blessing me BIG TIME with His faithful presence and reminders of His love ~
I will be writing about some of these things soon (have not had a moment to sit and type, though have had many, many thoughts to share) ~
Today, I just wanted to share one of my daily devotions I receive - it was both interesting about the facts (e.g. what "Ararat" means, the dates that were the same), as well as a blessing to me about how wonderfully perfect and loving our LORD is ~ I pray it blesses you, too. It is from Joseph Prince Ministries. :-)
Standing On No-Curse Ground
Genesis 8:4
4Then the ark rested in the seventh month, the seventeenth day of the month, on the mountains of Ararat.
For 40 days and nights, it rained so hard that the whole world perished, except for Noah and those who were with him in the ark. At the end of 150 days, on the 17th day of the seventh month, the ark rested on the mountains of Ararat.
In Hebrew, the word “Ararat” means “the curse is reversed”. The waters of judgment receded, causing the ark to rest on the mountains of Ararat, on new ground where the curse is reversed. And it happened on the 17th day of the seventh month on the Feast of Firstfruits — the exact date that Jesus rose from the dead 4,000 years later!
When Christ rose from the dead, we were raised together with Him. (Colossians 2:12). We who are in Christ our true ark stand on resurrection ground where the curse has been reversed (Galatians 3:13), where diseases, poverty and failures have no right to operate!
A church member shared how God delivered him from cervical spondylosis, a medical condition which causes the neck section of the spinal cord to deteriorate. An X-ray taken four to five years back showed that that area of his spinal cord was deteriorating fast. He was in pain and had to take medicine to manage the condition. And whenever he had a relapse, he would get depressed.
During his last relapse, he went to the doctor, trusting God that he was already healed, had another X-ray taken and was given some medication. He took the medication, still believing God that he was healed. The following morning, the pain in his neck was gone and he was able to turn his head. When he finally collected his X-ray results a week later, his doctor actually told him that his spinal cord looked better than the doctor’s own! The doctor was very surprised because patients with this condition usually don’t get better. God had reversed the curse of cervical spondylosis for him!
My friend, as a believer, you are on no-curse ground. You stand in the blessings zone where it is very easy for God’s blessings to rain all over you!
I will be writing about some of these things soon (have not had a moment to sit and type, though have had many, many thoughts to share) ~
Today, I just wanted to share one of my daily devotions I receive - it was both interesting about the facts (e.g. what "Ararat" means, the dates that were the same), as well as a blessing to me about how wonderfully perfect and loving our LORD is ~ I pray it blesses you, too. It is from Joseph Prince Ministries. :-)
Standing On No-Curse Ground
Genesis 8:4
4Then the ark rested in the seventh month, the seventeenth day of the month, on the mountains of Ararat.
For 40 days and nights, it rained so hard that the whole world perished, except for Noah and those who were with him in the ark. At the end of 150 days, on the 17th day of the seventh month, the ark rested on the mountains of Ararat.
In Hebrew, the word “Ararat” means “the curse is reversed”. The waters of judgment receded, causing the ark to rest on the mountains of Ararat, on new ground where the curse is reversed. And it happened on the 17th day of the seventh month on the Feast of Firstfruits — the exact date that Jesus rose from the dead 4,000 years later!
When Christ rose from the dead, we were raised together with Him. (Colossians 2:12). We who are in Christ our true ark stand on resurrection ground where the curse has been reversed (Galatians 3:13), where diseases, poverty and failures have no right to operate!
A church member shared how God delivered him from cervical spondylosis, a medical condition which causes the neck section of the spinal cord to deteriorate. An X-ray taken four to five years back showed that that area of his spinal cord was deteriorating fast. He was in pain and had to take medicine to manage the condition. And whenever he had a relapse, he would get depressed.
During his last relapse, he went to the doctor, trusting God that he was already healed, had another X-ray taken and was given some medication. He took the medication, still believing God that he was healed. The following morning, the pain in his neck was gone and he was able to turn his head. When he finally collected his X-ray results a week later, his doctor actually told him that his spinal cord looked better than the doctor’s own! The doctor was very surprised because patients with this condition usually don’t get better. God had reversed the curse of cervical spondylosis for him!
My friend, as a believer, you are on no-curse ground. You stand in the blessings zone where it is very easy for God’s blessings to rain all over you!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Growth Process
God has been pruning my life...I rejoice in this, knowing that He loves me and since I desire to be more like His son, He has willingly and happily obliged to propel me in that direction. However, it is a painful, sometimes confusing, process.
When I embarked upon the "do anything, Lord! I want to serve YOU" stage of my fellowship with our Father (this absolutly heartfelt statement came from me nearly ten years ago), little did I know how far off "Holy" I was. While I do believe God was delighted with my heart posture, and continues to be pleased that I desire His best for my life, I had no idea how far apart "my thoughts" were from His thoughts...I didn't even come close to understanding what absolute dependence and complete surrender meant. Of these things I am learning...
This summer, our Lord challenged me with this scripture..."He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53:7...I got the sense that God was asking me to stop responding to the oppressors and stand in silence, completely trusting in His goodness. This is by far one of the least of my developed skills; I often speak against injustice, find myself frustrated when falsely accused, and frequently want to explain situations when I feel that there is significant misunderstanding. Of course, each of these three responses tends to result in further evil being stirred up ~ either in myself or in the one with whom I am speaking; especially when not sifted through the eyes of prayer. Compassion is a gift, but it should be exercised prayerfully, versus through other means when standing for self or others ~ I am learning this lesson the hard way...again and again.
Hurting people hurt people. How many times have I heard this stated, yet have not fully understood that I will always be one who is hurt by others if I do not grasp this concept clearly and hold it in a posture of quiet submission, seeking the lovingkindness of Christ to fill me rather than my "self" perceptions and feelings. I have heard the story about the blind men and the elephant ~ and how each describes something significantly different when stumbling upon the elephant and feeling what they are touching (tusk, foot, tail, ear...) ~ but I still misunderstand that when three people are in the same room, listening to and discussing the same information, there will be three different ways of percieving what has been said and why. That just doesn't make sense to my way of filtering the world (through rose colored glasses, I have been told). I have discovered that looking outside of the lens of simple reality, coupled with the lens of TRUTH (God alone) is the only way we should strive to perceive the world if we are going to not only stand strong amidst the challenges, but also be a healing agent for those who don't know the love and grace we have been so blessed to recieve.
Pray for me to grow in these areas - I would be most blessed ~
When I embarked upon the "do anything, Lord! I want to serve YOU" stage of my fellowship with our Father (this absolutly heartfelt statement came from me nearly ten years ago), little did I know how far off "Holy" I was. While I do believe God was delighted with my heart posture, and continues to be pleased that I desire His best for my life, I had no idea how far apart "my thoughts" were from His thoughts...I didn't even come close to understanding what absolute dependence and complete surrender meant. Of these things I am learning...
This summer, our Lord challenged me with this scripture..."He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53:7...I got the sense that God was asking me to stop responding to the oppressors and stand in silence, completely trusting in His goodness. This is by far one of the least of my developed skills; I often speak against injustice, find myself frustrated when falsely accused, and frequently want to explain situations when I feel that there is significant misunderstanding. Of course, each of these three responses tends to result in further evil being stirred up ~ either in myself or in the one with whom I am speaking; especially when not sifted through the eyes of prayer. Compassion is a gift, but it should be exercised prayerfully, versus through other means when standing for self or others ~ I am learning this lesson the hard way...again and again.
Hurting people hurt people. How many times have I heard this stated, yet have not fully understood that I will always be one who is hurt by others if I do not grasp this concept clearly and hold it in a posture of quiet submission, seeking the lovingkindness of Christ to fill me rather than my "self" perceptions and feelings. I have heard the story about the blind men and the elephant ~ and how each describes something significantly different when stumbling upon the elephant and feeling what they are touching (tusk, foot, tail, ear...) ~ but I still misunderstand that when three people are in the same room, listening to and discussing the same information, there will be three different ways of percieving what has been said and why. That just doesn't make sense to my way of filtering the world (through rose colored glasses, I have been told). I have discovered that looking outside of the lens of simple reality, coupled with the lens of TRUTH (God alone) is the only way we should strive to perceive the world if we are going to not only stand strong amidst the challenges, but also be a healing agent for those who don't know the love and grace we have been so blessed to recieve.
Pray for me to grow in these areas - I would be most blessed ~
Friday, November 6, 2009
Precious Time
I have been blessed to be allowed to homeschool my 11 year old daughter again this year. She is the child whom God gave me specifically ~ to both reach her heart when it would crumple, and to work in me more patience, understanding and temperance as I strive to understand her way of thinking and relating to the world, which is so very foreign to mine.
Today we are in another time of push and pull, though it is more peaceful. The rebellion of youth came to a head a few weeks ago ~ with backtalk, eye rolling and the like coming at me in response to nearly every word I spoke. While I have often been willing to understand her impulsive speech challenges (as I have some of those, myself), I cannot allow blatant disrespect nor habitual independence from instructions given by mom (aka: authority that is loving, therefore to be ignored in her mind).
I hate having to "parent hard." I would much prefer talking to my kids and having them "get it." Why can't we all just get along and be loving is a persistent thought in my head. However, with this one ~ when I give an inch of concession, a yard is most often stolen. When I crack down lightly, obedience is not maintained. So, once again I needed to get tough and play bad guy; *sigh* staying tight, firm, and consistent (anyone with kids knows how incredibly tough that task can be).
What a joy it has been to see her starting to "get it" this time around. After consistent discipline (aka: loss of many privileges for about three weeks stemming from correction for every incident of "backtalk," regardless of how strong or slight) I have seen some improvements. Today we lost the privilege of attending a birthday party tomorrow because of lack of willingness to do what we were supposed to related to morning school work (half-way approach versus diligence)...that was a tough one...however, once the tears were finished, and she knew I wasn't budging, she complied with the need to call and cancel her participation.
Oh, the trials of shaping character in children ~ I often wonder if the parents hurt as much (if not more) as the children during this process. I am thankful that not all of my children are the same, and likely I will not have to resort to such extremes with the other two, but I am also prayerful that my eldest will soon rise up to grasp the full picture, that she might integrate it into her spirit and become the beautiful lady God created her to be. Still a pistol, still uniquely creative and gregarious, but obedient and blessed by boundaries that provide us a cocoon from which to live.
Although I am sure we have much more to accomplish in this current pre-teen behavior, I am certain that without the opportunity to be home with her each day, this growing period would have been so much harder to nip in the bud. For that, I say a hearty Thank You, Lord, for the daily lessons You provide, and the opportunities to grow as we nurture and train our children.
Today we are in another time of push and pull, though it is more peaceful. The rebellion of youth came to a head a few weeks ago ~ with backtalk, eye rolling and the like coming at me in response to nearly every word I spoke. While I have often been willing to understand her impulsive speech challenges (as I have some of those, myself), I cannot allow blatant disrespect nor habitual independence from instructions given by mom (aka: authority that is loving, therefore to be ignored in her mind).
I hate having to "parent hard." I would much prefer talking to my kids and having them "get it." Why can't we all just get along and be loving is a persistent thought in my head. However, with this one ~ when I give an inch of concession, a yard is most often stolen. When I crack down lightly, obedience is not maintained. So, once again I needed to get tough and play bad guy; *sigh* staying tight, firm, and consistent (anyone with kids knows how incredibly tough that task can be).
What a joy it has been to see her starting to "get it" this time around. After consistent discipline (aka: loss of many privileges for about three weeks stemming from correction for every incident of "backtalk," regardless of how strong or slight) I have seen some improvements. Today we lost the privilege of attending a birthday party tomorrow because of lack of willingness to do what we were supposed to related to morning school work (half-way approach versus diligence)...that was a tough one...however, once the tears were finished, and she knew I wasn't budging, she complied with the need to call and cancel her participation.
Oh, the trials of shaping character in children ~ I often wonder if the parents hurt as much (if not more) as the children during this process. I am thankful that not all of my children are the same, and likely I will not have to resort to such extremes with the other two, but I am also prayerful that my eldest will soon rise up to grasp the full picture, that she might integrate it into her spirit and become the beautiful lady God created her to be. Still a pistol, still uniquely creative and gregarious, but obedient and blessed by boundaries that provide us a cocoon from which to live.
Although I am sure we have much more to accomplish in this current pre-teen behavior, I am certain that without the opportunity to be home with her each day, this growing period would have been so much harder to nip in the bud. For that, I say a hearty Thank You, Lord, for the daily lessons You provide, and the opportunities to grow as we nurture and train our children.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
As I have continued to recognize my impurities (see prior post) and seek more deeply to listen to the incredible joys the Lord desires to share with us, I have been coming out of my fogginess. I am still fatigued,but seeking ways to combat that more consistenly (more vitamins, going to bed earlier when possible, getting going more slowly on the mornings I can do so...). In the process, our loving Lord and Daddy has been bringing some great things to my attention...things He began in me long ago that had been shelved for lack of pressing~ness in my life. I have been really enjoying recognizing His hand and His work in me as He has unveiled a few mysteries...
Years ago (likely twelve or thirteen), I was taking a 9 week class that used a 12 circuit labyrinth for meditation and focus ~ the church I belonged to at the time had a labyrinth on their grounds and it was a very peaceful place to wander. Learning to wander along the path, praying "to God" in in the form of questions or musings as the circuitous directions took me away from center more times than toward (e.g. no quick prayer or ability to focus upon the end), then resting in the middle, while standing or kneeling in one of the clover leaves, supplicating myself and trusting Him to respond...eternally grateful that He even cared, let alone specifically for me...then returning on the path while "listening" for inner promptings of His Spirit's response ~ was good discipline for me regarding not just talking to God in prayer, but waiting on Him as well.
One of our weekly lessons focused upon what God's name for us might be. In the Bible, God often renames His people when he imparts His breath ~ His very purpose for creating them ~ more directly their lives - Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Paul... We were studying this aspect of God and then given the opportunity to explore that with Him in the labyrinth. I was at a difficult time in life related to my marriage and I really wanted to matter to God. I was hoping for something that would illumine me and make me feel good (of course, this was not God's plan, but I thought He might indulge me). God did respond to my prayers that day ~ and He gave me the word "Honor." While I argued with Him about this (it didn't make sense to my limited mind and didn't seem "important" related to my life and the great things I wanted to do for Him). I know that sounds silly to anybody reading this, as it is an amazing word ~ but at that time, given my circumstances, it was not what I wanted to hear.
However, I did take it to heart (somewhat reluctantly) and began exploring the "what" about Honor; how to honor others more fully with His heart, and how I might be dishonoring Him with choices, activities, and thoughts. That experience soon worked its way out of my perceptual lens as life went on and I continued to treat our precious Savior as if he were my co-pilot more often than I thought about Him as Lord.
In my desperate pursuit to understand what He has been working in my life ~ for what purposes and why...as well as what I am missing in my learning (it seems I keep coming to the same darn areas of sin and challenge) and what I can be doing to grow faster and better embrace what He is trying to teach me (ha ha, I am way too intellectual often and just really want to get off this roller coaster at times)...He has recently blessed me beyond measure. My season of wilderness is coming to a close (Hallelujah!!) and I am seeing the fruit He has been forming as I look back over the years of struggle ~
God has shown me that He still wants me to learn "honor" toward everyone in my life. He worked honor through me as a child ~ toward parents, friends, those in authority and those whom others did not consider "worthy" of respect or attention. I had many instances in my younger years where I was the lone person standing up for the spark of goodness in others. I went to bat for the "underdog" so often, and saw the possibilities rather than the failures in the lives of those around me. It was as natural to me as breathing and I really couldn't jump in with the alternatives. I just didn't know then that it was God working through me creating and allowing this vision of my heart. And I didn't understand why others couldn't see things this way.
As I progressed toward independence and into adulthood, I continued to see the good in everyone. I honored where they were, where they had come from, and the divine in their spirit. I trusted that everyone had a purpose and nobody was better than anybody else. I had such a wide variety of friends, many of whom would not be caught in the same location let alone the same room. People were so interesting to me, and there was so much wonder to capture when choosing to see through their eyes for a moment. I loved the many experiences I had and things I discovered during that time. I didn't embrace the realities of all of my friends, by any means, but I enjoyed learning about them.
In the last fourteen years, I have been challenged to honor those who dishonor me by their choices and actions as well as have been challenged to step up and honor those who dishonor themselves either flagrantly or more passively. As I grew in God's strength with this very important talent, He continued to refine me and take me deeper into awareness of His sufferings for His very own who live such dishonoring lives (myself included) as well as His great and incredible love and forgiveness for them. He has given me new opportunities in the last few years to learn how to honor, with His love, those who actively seek to hurt and dishonor me. He has shown me how He was preparing me for a "time such as this." I am still ill-equipped and highly imperfect, but He is showing me a deeper place of intimacy with His heart for us...a place that loves us completely despite our imperfections, hatreds, evil thoughts and disputes with His purity and holiness. He is working with me in learning how to reflect this to everyone in our world. What an incredible privilege ~ to share the heart of God ~ isn't that what we are all called to do? Thanks be to God, our Father and Lord...Glory to Him on high.
Years ago (likely twelve or thirteen), I was taking a 9 week class that used a 12 circuit labyrinth for meditation and focus ~ the church I belonged to at the time had a labyrinth on their grounds and it was a very peaceful place to wander. Learning to wander along the path, praying "to God" in in the form of questions or musings as the circuitous directions took me away from center more times than toward (e.g. no quick prayer or ability to focus upon the end), then resting in the middle, while standing or kneeling in one of the clover leaves, supplicating myself and trusting Him to respond...eternally grateful that He even cared, let alone specifically for me...then returning on the path while "listening" for inner promptings of His Spirit's response ~ was good discipline for me regarding not just talking to God in prayer, but waiting on Him as well.
One of our weekly lessons focused upon what God's name for us might be. In the Bible, God often renames His people when he imparts His breath ~ His very purpose for creating them ~ more directly their lives - Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Paul... We were studying this aspect of God and then given the opportunity to explore that with Him in the labyrinth. I was at a difficult time in life related to my marriage and I really wanted to matter to God. I was hoping for something that would illumine me and make me feel good (of course, this was not God's plan, but I thought He might indulge me). God did respond to my prayers that day ~ and He gave me the word "Honor." While I argued with Him about this (it didn't make sense to my limited mind and didn't seem "important" related to my life and the great things I wanted to do for Him). I know that sounds silly to anybody reading this, as it is an amazing word ~ but at that time, given my circumstances, it was not what I wanted to hear.
However, I did take it to heart (somewhat reluctantly) and began exploring the "what" about Honor; how to honor others more fully with His heart, and how I might be dishonoring Him with choices, activities, and thoughts. That experience soon worked its way out of my perceptual lens as life went on and I continued to treat our precious Savior as if he were my co-pilot more often than I thought about Him as Lord.
In my desperate pursuit to understand what He has been working in my life ~ for what purposes and why...as well as what I am missing in my learning (it seems I keep coming to the same darn areas of sin and challenge) and what I can be doing to grow faster and better embrace what He is trying to teach me (ha ha, I am way too intellectual often and just really want to get off this roller coaster at times)...He has recently blessed me beyond measure. My season of wilderness is coming to a close (Hallelujah!!) and I am seeing the fruit He has been forming as I look back over the years of struggle ~
God has shown me that He still wants me to learn "honor" toward everyone in my life. He worked honor through me as a child ~ toward parents, friends, those in authority and those whom others did not consider "worthy" of respect or attention. I had many instances in my younger years where I was the lone person standing up for the spark of goodness in others. I went to bat for the "underdog" so often, and saw the possibilities rather than the failures in the lives of those around me. It was as natural to me as breathing and I really couldn't jump in with the alternatives. I just didn't know then that it was God working through me creating and allowing this vision of my heart. And I didn't understand why others couldn't see things this way.
As I progressed toward independence and into adulthood, I continued to see the good in everyone. I honored where they were, where they had come from, and the divine in their spirit. I trusted that everyone had a purpose and nobody was better than anybody else. I had such a wide variety of friends, many of whom would not be caught in the same location let alone the same room. People were so interesting to me, and there was so much wonder to capture when choosing to see through their eyes for a moment. I loved the many experiences I had and things I discovered during that time. I didn't embrace the realities of all of my friends, by any means, but I enjoyed learning about them.
In the last fourteen years, I have been challenged to honor those who dishonor me by their choices and actions as well as have been challenged to step up and honor those who dishonor themselves either flagrantly or more passively. As I grew in God's strength with this very important talent, He continued to refine me and take me deeper into awareness of His sufferings for His very own who live such dishonoring lives (myself included) as well as His great and incredible love and forgiveness for them. He has given me new opportunities in the last few years to learn how to honor, with His love, those who actively seek to hurt and dishonor me. He has shown me how He was preparing me for a "time such as this." I am still ill-equipped and highly imperfect, but He is showing me a deeper place of intimacy with His heart for us...a place that loves us completely despite our imperfections, hatreds, evil thoughts and disputes with His purity and holiness. He is working with me in learning how to reflect this to everyone in our world. What an incredible privilege ~ to share the heart of God ~ isn't that what we are all called to do? Thanks be to God, our Father and Lord...Glory to Him on high.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Going Deeper
I have been in a bog (kind of like "blah" and "fog" combined) over the past several months and struggling in my relationship with God ~ I experienced a feeling almost like a big wet blanket has been laying on me, keeping me somewhat inert, and I had not been able to find the source to remove it...I had many times where I felt connected and in sync, but just as many more where I felt almost beaten down...I think the over-arching experience I have been having is one of pure and deep bone weariness, and when I am tired, I tend to not spend as much time in prayer or Bible reading...I tend to be more of a drifter from idea to idea, option to option, book to book. I pray ~ but not as consistently nor as deeply. I read, but not as long, nor as focused. Boy, does that mess with hearing clearly and knowing God's will...I also experienced my first year since 1999 where I was not involved in a formal bible study ~ I really missed it, but wasn't able to work one into my schedule as I embraced home schooling and other kids' activities and needs. That probably had something to do with my sense of detachment ~
However, lately I have been getting glimmers of that sweet fellowship again. Boy have I missed it deeply. I want to sit and drink it in, alternating with begging for more and praying not to lose it again. Last night God took me to two different dates in "My Utmost for His Highest" to read. I think it showed me a bigger work that has been in effect in my life ~ it was really cool. I wanted to share that here ~ I figured if I typed it, I would recall it even better and be able to look back and read it in another six months as well :-)
The first was:
However, lately I have been getting glimmers of that sweet fellowship again. Boy have I missed it deeply. I want to sit and drink it in, alternating with begging for more and praying not to lose it again. Last night God took me to two different dates in "My Utmost for His Highest" to read. I think it showed me a bigger work that has been in effect in my life ~ it was really cool. I wanted to share that here ~ I figured if I typed it, I would recall it even better and be able to look back and read it in another six months as well :-)
The first was:
July 26 The Account with Purity
"Out of the heart proceed..." Matthew 15:19
We begin by trusting our ignorance and calling it innocence, by trusting our innocence and calling it purity; and when we hear these rugged statements of Our Lord's, we shrink and say - But I never felt any of those awful things in my heart. We resent what Jesus Christ reveals. Either Jesus Christ is the supreme Authority on the human heart, or He is not worth paying any attention to. Am I prepared to trust His penetration, or do I prefer to trust my innocent ignorance? If I make conscious innocence the test, I am likely to come to a place where I find with a shuddering awakening that what Jesus Christ said is true, and I shall be appalled at the possibility of evil and wrong in me. As long as I remain under the refuge of innocence I am living in a fool's paradise. If I have never been a blackguard, the reason is a mixture of cowardice adn the protection of a civilized life; but when I am underessed before God, I find that Jesus Christ is right in His diagnosis.
The only thing that safeguards is the Redemption of Jesus Christ. If I will hand myself over to Him, I need never experience the terrible possibilities that are in my heart. Purity is too deep down for me to get to naturally: but when the Holy Spirit comes in, He brings into the center of my personal life the very Spirit that was manifested in the life of Jesus Christ, viz., Holy Spirit, which is unsullied purity.
Right after, He led me to June 3:
The Secret of the Lord
"The secret (friendship, RV) of the Lord is with them that fear Him" Psalm 25:14
What is the sign of a friend? That he tells you secret sorrows? No, that he tells you secret joys. Many will confide to you their secret sorrows, but the last mark of intimacy is to confide secret joys. Have we ever let God tell usany of His joys, or are we telling God our secrets so continually that we leave no room for Him to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God, then we find that God wants to get us into relationship with Himself, to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so wedded to Jesus Christ's idea of prayer-"Thy will be done" - that we catch the secrets of God? The things that make God dear to us are not so much His great big blessings as the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us; He knows every detail of our individual lives.
"...Him shall He teach in the way the He shall choose." At first we want the consciousness of being guided by God; then as we go on we live so much in the consciousness of God that we do not need to ask what His will is, be3cause the thought of choosing any other will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified God guides us by our ordinary choices, and if we are going to choose what He does not want, He will check, and we must heed. Whenever the is doubt, stop at once. Never reason it out and say "I wonder why I shouldn't?" God instructs us in what we choose, that is, He guides our common sense, and we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually saying- "Now, Lord, what is Thy will?"
God is reminding me that He is working all things for good in My life ~ He is with me, He is guiding me, and I don't need to keep worrying about every little step I take or move I make (I was beginning to be bogged down by fear that I was not walking in His will, or would miss His prompts by stepping forward, but it has been all that my heart has cried out for for so long that I realize I shouldn't fear this as I am not giving Him enough credit in communication :-)) He first had to break me free from my ignorance of innocence to place me firmly on His path, and not my own. Praise Him that He loves us so ~
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