The Growth Process

God has been pruning my life...I rejoice in this, knowing that He loves me and since I desire to be more like His son, He has willingly and happily obliged to propel me in that direction. However, it is a painful, sometimes confusing, process.

When I embarked upon the "do anything, Lord! I want to serve YOU" stage of my fellowship with our Father (this absolutly heartfelt statement came from me nearly ten years ago), little did I know how far off "Holy" I was.  While I do believe God was delighted with my heart posture, and continues to be pleased that I desire His best for my life, I had no idea how far apart "my thoughts" were from His thoughts...I didn't even come close to understanding what absolute dependence and complete surrender meant.  Of these things I am learning...

This summer, our Lord challenged me with this scripture..."He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53:7...I got the sense that God was asking me to stop responding to the oppressors and stand in silence, completely trusting in His goodness.  This is by far one of the least of my developed skills; I often speak against injustice, find myself frustrated when falsely accused, and frequently want to explain situations when I feel that there is significant misunderstanding.  Of course, each of these three responses tends to result in further evil being stirred up ~ either in myself or in the one with whom I am speaking; especially when not sifted through the eyes of prayer. Compassion is a gift, but it should be exercised prayerfully, versus through other means when standing for self or others ~ I am learning this lesson the hard way...again and again.

Hurting people hurt people. How many times have I heard this stated, yet have not fully understood that I will always be one who is hurt by others if I do not grasp this concept clearly and hold it in a posture of quiet submission, seeking the lovingkindness of Christ to fill me rather than my "self" perceptions and feelings.  I have heard the story about the blind men and the elephant ~ and how each describes something significantly different when stumbling upon the elephant and feeling what they are touching (tusk, foot, tail, ear...) ~ but I still misunderstand that when three people are in the same room, listening to and discussing the same information, there will be three different ways of percieving what has been said and why.  That just doesn't make sense to my way of filtering the world (through rose colored glasses, I have been told).  I have discovered that looking outside of the lens of simple reality, coupled with the lens of TRUTH (God alone) is the only way we should strive to perceive the world if we are going to not only stand strong amidst the challenges, but also be a healing agent for those who don't know the love and grace we have been so blessed to recieve.

Pray for me to grow in these areas - I would be most blessed ~