Thank You, LORD ~

This month has been a long and frustrating one for me, by many accounts. No need for details, here ~ no earth shattering challenges (honestly, I sometimes do better during those ~ does anybody else experience this??), not many specific "I can put my finger on it" problems...normal everyday challenges more than anything. Lack of sleep many nights, troubled sleeping without clear causes (I have sought the Lord and found little much of the time, clarity at other times), body aches and pains and fatigue, disheartening episodes with children, adjustment to some of the inevitable disappointment in daily desires. You know ~ Life ~ but God always responds when we start to get to our end (well, what we call our end, I have been so much further "down" than currently, that I know I am not even close to really "in a bad place," but it sounds good when I am mired in self) ;-)

The other day God woke me early in the morning and I could tell He had an agenda as my usual "hello God, I am too tired, can I go to sleep again ~ I really am short on sleep...can we just talk in the morning" was ignored not only by Him, but even by me. His Spirit was definitely in charge. I got up and began praying; I use my journal to pray during these times because it keeps me connected to Him. While I was praying, He brought a specific person to mind who lives in another state, and whom I had not prayed for in awhile. I lifted her up and submitted her life to His tender hand, when He began speaking words to her, through me (if you have not experienced this, I cannot explain it, but He does this with me sometimes...). I began writing what I was "hearing" in my spirit. When finished, I was compelled to go to my computer and type her a note, sharing my prayers and then His words through me. I then prayed in my mind that she would not think I was nuts, and was released to go back to sleep.

A few days later, I recieved an email back from her. She thanked me for my prayers and the perfect timing of the message. She then relayed a beautiful message about how God had really met her and blessed her through the words I had relayed. The words I transcribed were word for word, in many parts, what she had been praying for three months for her mother. As I wrote what He spoke, it didn't make sense to my natural mind from what I knew of her, and I figured she must be going through a very odd and difficult time given what she was seeking, but I trusted what I heard...when she shared with me a bit about what had been going on, and how God had assured her with His words, I was so incredibly blessed! God is so good it is beyond understanding or measure.

The kicker was ~ not only was she assured and comforted, but I was, too. At that time this month, I was in a place of self-doubt, questioning the validity of my connection with Him and my faith (basically, questioning my value and usefulness to His kingdom...I so want to be His ~ to magnify and glorify His name!) I had been judged and condemned by several in the recent years as not true or faithful in my love for our LORD, and this past month the inaccuracies had come to a point of grief in my heart. God spoke volumes through very little, allowing me to be used as His servant in the process. I am so incredibly humbled and grateful that He is such an awesome God who loves us so incredibly much. I can't fathom the depth of His love and mercy ~ His tenderness is such a comfort and joy. I pray that each time any of us are in a "dark" area of our life, we recall His compassion and faithfulness to us ~ and that we experience that assurance that only He can provide. Bless you all.

A Tribute to Laura...

I have a very dear friend from college, whose sister struggled her entire life with the limitations of cystic fibrosis. She wrote a book about her journey while an adult which was incredibly inspiring and transparent. She passed on last November after nearly 40 years of life. She lived fruitfully in many senses of the word, and loved to experience her life versus be a bystander as many of us tend to be. My girlfriend had much to carry as a sister who loved deeply and sacrificed, as well, on many levels. Following the funeral, I wrote this poem ~ I had not looked at it and edited it until recently. It is my heart for my girlfriend Julianne, her brother Sean, and their sister, Laura. Bless all who have ever lost a family member to a slow progressing illness...

The burden falls on family
of children “born to die,”
encumbered with their suffering ~
Helpless, yet close by

The heaviness of dis-ease
is but for One to bear.
Heavy-laden, tortured hearts
haunt all close by who care.

Joyousness loses ground;
Walls are built up high
Somehow it isn’t fair to live;
One loved will surely die.

Sharing, laughing, fun together,
Always finding time…
Within our hearts; constant thoughts
What is purposed, Thine?…

Then the “what if” dreams of joy,
so many thoughts of trade…
Gladly we’d give a day, or more
to see our sister saved…

How fair is it for one to struggle ~
So young and innocent.
How fair is God, who says He’s love,
Yet allows such pain, we vent…

But God knows best, His mighty plan,
that we aren’t blessed to see…
The way our sister touches those
whose lives are not in He…

Dear Laura lit a way for some
who never would have known…
Our Savior died to rescue us,
and now sits on the throne.

Spirit tells us He is real;
He wields a mighty hand.
The days we live are not for us,
His love has greater plan.

He seeks redemption of all men,
He seeks our hearts for His.
If more were saved by Laura’s grace,
than this is why she lived.