In The Shelter of His Wings

Put You High Beams On

2011-02-01T21:44:00.001-05:00

The past couple of months have been a bit overwhelming for me ~ I had long-term houseguests, repairs inside my home, extra work that impacted my already tight schedule, and several losses that have been emotionally draining...putting one foot in front of the other and keeping faith that the Lord is in control of all things has been my approach to each morning's greeting of sunrise ~ . Needless to say, I have not been able to keep that mindset 100% of the time, and have found myself drifting off many a day into mulling ~

One evening a few weeks ago, when I was particularly tired and over-extended, I found myself driving very cautiously along a narrow, two lane road not far from my home. My eyes were straining to monitor the edge of the road as I was feeling anxious about keeping the car from going too close (it drops off pretty sharply a few inches and can cut a tire or cause other challenges to safety). I do not always feel this way, on this particular road, though I do keep note of the boundaries, but that evening I was constrained in spirit. My body was tighter and my eyes were straining as I was on severe energy drain. This posture was adding to my fatigue and causing more mental exertion which I was noticing from a somewhat secondary perspective ~

As the Spirit continued to prompt me to recognize what I was doing, and how it was actually making things worse instead of better, I was struck with the thought ~ "Put your high beams on" (I had avoided this earlier because I had met several other cars on the road when I had begun that stretch of driving)...as I flipped my high beams on, I found myself following the light ~ looking up and ahead, rather than just to the front of my van. My posture instantly relaxed as my hands loosened upon the wheel, and tension melted away. I found it much easier to drive again.

Given the immediate change in perspective, I sensed the Lord's gentle whisper in my mind, carving a point out in the moment ~ "See, when you keep your eyes fixed on Me ~ looking up from your problems and allowing Me to show you the bigger picture, you are freed from the binding and tensions that come when you catch yourself fixated on things that are right front of you; tunnel vision is limited...take My perspective and Trust Me."

What a blessed relief it was to be reminded that our Lord is always there, and He is larger than everything we face daily. He delights in overseeing our lives, desiring to guide and direct at all times for our good and His glory. If we would just choose to take our eyes off what is binding us down, in our limited vision, and look up, seeking for a fresh point of view ~ broader and more encompassing vision of what is truth around us, we would be much more able to face each day's challenges with relaxation and open focus. How wonderful is our God!

In His Grip

2010-11-02T17:57:00.000-04:00

So, I have been on an incredible faith-building portion of my journey over the past several months of life...and I must say, God has been alongside of me every step of the way; giving strength for the weary, shelter from the storms, supply and provision, and comfort as well as joy ~

Now, this may not come as a surprise to anybody, it certainly does not really "surprise" me - but it surely blesses my socks off..in so many tangible ways. I can't even begin to list the number of things that have been thrown my way in a curve ~ and the Lord has been one step ahead of every single one; when I have turned my face toward Him, He was always already there :-)

"...I am not alone because the Father is with me." John 16:32

"...The Lord is the strength of my life" Psalm 27:1

"...The joy of the Lord is my strength" Nehemiah 8:10

"...Be gentle to all, able to teach, patient..." 2 Timothy 2: 24

He Will Not Forsake His Saints

2010-10-05T21:25:00.001-04:00

A Psalm of David

37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
2 For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. [2]
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
9 For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

10 In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
11 But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.

12 The wicked plots against the righteous
and gnashes his teeth at him,
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that his day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose way is upright;
15 their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.

16 Better is the little that the righteous has
than the abundance of many wicked.
17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

18 The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will remain forever;
19 they are not put to shame in evil times;
in the days of famine they have abundance.

20 But the wicked will perish;
the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

21 The wicked borrows but does not pay back,
but the righteous is generous and gives;
22 for those blessed by the Lord [3] shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
24 though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.

25 I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
26 He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.

27 Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
28 For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
29 The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.

32 The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
33 The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

34 Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

35 I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,
spreading himself like a green laurel tree. [4]
36 But he passed away, [5] and behold, he was no more;
though I sought him, he could not be found.

37 Mark the blameless and behold the upright,
for there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the future of the wicked shall be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
~Amen

Footnotes
[1] 37:1 This psalm is an acrostic poem, each stanza beginning with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet

God's Faithful Provision...in odd ways

2010-09-01T10:51:00.000-04:00

In my last post I mentioned that I would share some of the ways God provided for me (and, I should say, looked out for my best) this summer ~ showing me over and over that HE is available and in control.

Two days before our annual trip to Hilton Head, SC, my contract was approved to begin working part-time as an independently contracted Occupational Therapist with a local Parent-Infant program. The beauty of this is that God provided this opportunity/lead the day after I discovered I needed to start working again, and might have to give up homeschooling. This job supports my need for income while allowing flexibility for me to continue to homeschool my daughters. He provided the window of opportunity for this in May, and I followed - despite having to work double time within my then current busy schedule, taking five state regulated classes for agency requirements, and three national regulated classes for my license renewal, as well as renewing my CPR and First Aid certification....With HIS help, I was able to complete all of the classes and process the stacks of paper requirements (license, knowledge, request for proposal, liability insurance, etc.) by the mid-June deadline to submit it to the County for approval. Because the approval came two days before our trip, and I had one child "waiting in the wings" - despite there not being an official contract, the company allowed me to see that one child and then plan for the rest when I returned from the beach (my contract would be mailed by that time). This process could have been very daunting (needed money, had to pay out a lot to get the job, uncertain about how the job would work out with my schedule and needs, etc.) but I trusted the LORD and followed...and it has worked out beyond my best expectations at this point in all areas ~ even the delayed contracting worked out best because I was just TOO BUSY in July with family needs to be running for work and it would have had a negative effect on my kids...HE knew this and provided funds for that month, and the time I needed with family :-)

Forward on to my visit with the one child I was approved for (kind of getting my feet wet) the morning before we left for Hilton Head. After the visit was completed, I got in my car, mind flipping through all of the "to do" things on my list for firm up prior to departure...and my van would not start. I was at a relative "stranger's" house, my children were at a temporary sitter (who had very little time available), and I was stranded...as I looked at this and wanted to cry from stress, I decided instead to thank the LORD for HIS provision ~ as I knew He had a purpose and this was an opportunity I had not yet recognized. A few phone calls later, and I was on my way to a friend's auto-body shop, my car was awaiting a tow, and my kids were being picked up by a neighbor from the sitter and brought to another home...which was amazing in itself since the timing of my call to my neighbor was right when she had left for work (her husband works from home, they share a car) so she was able to turn around, return home, and have him drive her to work (on time) so he could go pick up my kids.

As I sat in the auto body shop for several hours, kids safe and no major obligations, I was able to read Max Lucado's book John 3:16 and visit some with my girlfriend from homeschool who ran the inside of the shop her husband owned. It was a lovely visit, and when noontime came he fed me one of the best homemade burgers I had ever had...I almost cried then in gratitude for all the help and love I had recieved that morning. God is so very good! The best part of the day was recognizing that HE allowed this to happen when I was able to get the help I needed, from people who loved Him and would care for me well, BEFORE I was driving ten hours down the road with four young girls in the car. Imagining how it would have been if the battery had gone (which is what ended up being the case) when I had come out of a McDonald's "somewhere" on the interstate the next day was all I needed to praise Him again for His faithful care.

So, when I arrive home that day my oldest daughter tells me that her ear hurts...badly. I was able to get her in to see her doctor (amazing), to discover she had swimmer's ear AND an inner ear infection...again, praises that this was taken care of before our departure as she was heading straight from Hilton Head to Nags Head with her dad. We were able to get her medicine, get packed, and get the animals squared away before her swim team end of year party that evening as well ~ and all I could do was sit in amazement at God's faithfulness to pay attention to even the little things that are important to us...

Next day, we are about 1 1/2 hours into our trip when my youngest daughter suddenly feels ill and within seconds throws up ~ as I dump my bag of "snacks" on the seat next to me and reach back to hand her the grocery bag to use for her "second" heave, she misses and gets sick again...BUT this is not a terrible thing as I had just been looking for a place to stop for breakfast and found one that was only 1 mile away. Also, because she had a blanket over her, still somewhat sleepy, I was able to fold the blanket up from the bottom and trap the fluids versus having them continue to spread in the car. We went in to McDonald's and while the girls were eating I washed out the blanket in the bathroom, wiped down her seat and seat belt, and was able to pretty much clear the car of all traces of the incident...WHAT A BLESSING~ we still had eight hours of driving to go. :-) Rose was able to rest through the remainder of the day without feeling sick again; eating bland foods and sprite ~ I thought then, and still believe, it was related to her taking her liquid antibiotic on a fairly empty stomach that morning (for her ear infection, that was almost healed) so wasn't concerned that it was going to happen all day, and was very grateful that it did not :-)

Finally, when we arrived in Hilton Head, as we were driving the last 10 miles, I noticed that I had lost one of the crosses from my necklace. I have a necklace that is pretty special to me, which I have been wearing for about a year. I consisted of three crosses I had been given at various times in my life ~ one was larger and fairly ornate/filigree (gold), the next was slightly smaller and simple, the third was very small and had a tiny diamond chip in it (I had recieved it from my aunt at my college graduation). This was the one that had disappeared...I was so very sad ~ but I trusted that God knew even about this and what it meant to me, so I believe that there is purpose even in this...not sure if it is because HE has expanded so much in my life since that time that the tiny sparkle did not reflect the power of His light and Spirit as much as He deserved, or if it was time to move on with the necklace, or if I was going to recieve another cross that was perfect for the trio...either way, I know it is okay. I still have my "Father and Son" crosses, and may leave the necklace as it is, return to single crosses, or find the "perfect" representation for the Holy Spirit as He is at this point on my journey to add back to the necklace. Either way, I know HE has me covered, and that is all I need to know. :-)

Blessings From Our Father

2010-07-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

I have had so much going on the past few months...not all in the worldly sense "good" ~ yet God has been blessing me BIG TIME with His faithful presence and reminders of His love ~

I will be writing about some of these things soon (have not had a moment to sit and type, though have had many, many thoughts to share) ~

Today, I just wanted to share one of my daily devotions I receive - it was both interesting about the facts (e.g. what "Ararat" means, the dates that were the same), as well as a blessing to me about how wonderfully perfect and loving our LORD is ~ I pray it blesses you, too. It is from Joseph Prince Ministries. :-)

Standing On No-Curse Ground

Genesis 8:4

4Then the ark rested in the seventh month, the seventeenth day of the month, on the mountains of Ararat.

For 40 days and nights, it rained so hard that the whole world perished, except for Noah and those who were with him in the ark. At the end of 150 days, on the 17th day of the seventh month, the ark rested on the mountains of Ararat.

In Hebrew, the word “Ararat” means “the curse is reversed”. The waters of judgment receded, causing the ark to rest on the mountains of Ararat, on new ground where the curse is reversed. And it happened on the 17th day of the seventh month on the Feast of Firstfruits — the exact date that Jesus rose from the dead 4,000 years later!

When Christ rose from the dead, we were raised together with Him. (Colossians 2:12). We who are in Christ our true ark stand on resurrection ground where the curse has been reversed (Galatians 3:13), where diseases, poverty and failures have no right to operate!

A church member shared how God delivered him from cervical spondylosis, a medical condition which causes the neck section of the spinal cord to deteriorate. An X-ray taken four to five years back showed that that area of his spinal cord was deteriorating fast. He was in pain and had to take medicine to manage the condition. And whenever he had a relapse, he would get depressed.

During his last relapse, he went to the doctor, trusting God that he was already healed, had another X-ray taken and was given some medication. He took the medication, still believing God that he was healed. The following morning, the pain in his neck was gone and he was able to turn his head. When he finally collected his X-ray results a week later, his doctor actually told him that his spinal cord looked better than the doctor’s own! The doctor was very surprised because patients with this condition usually don’t get better. God had reversed the curse of cervical spondylosis for him!

My friend, as a believer, you are on no-curse ground. You stand in the blessings zone where it is very easy for God’s blessings to rain all over you!

The Growth Process

2010-03-10T15:43:00.000-05:00

God has been pruning my life...I rejoice in this, knowing that He loves me and since I desire to be more like His son, He has willingly and happily obliged to propel me in that direction. However, it is a painful, sometimes confusing, process.

When I embarked upon the "do anything, Lord! I want to serve YOU" stage of my fellowship with our Father (this absolutly heartfelt statement came from me nearly ten years ago), little did I know how far off "Holy" I was. While I do believe God was delighted with my heart posture, and continues to be pleased that I desire His best for my life, I had no idea how far apart "my thoughts" were from His thoughts...I didn't even come close to understanding what absolute dependence and complete surrender meant. Of these things I am learning...

This summer, our Lord challenged me with this scripture..."He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53:7...I got the sense that God was asking me to stop responding to the oppressors and stand in silence, completely trusting in His goodness. This is by far one of the least of my developed skills; I often speak against injustice, find myself frustrated when falsely accused, and frequently want to explain situations when I feel that there is significant misunderstanding. Of course, each of these three responses tends to result in further evil being stirred up ~ either in myself or in the one with whom I am speaking; especially when not sifted through the eyes of prayer. Compassion is a gift, but it should be exercised prayerfully, versus through other means when standing for self or others ~ I am learning this lesson the hard way...again and again.

Hurting people hurt people. How many times have I heard this stated, yet have not fully understood that I will always be one who is hurt by others if I do not grasp this concept clearly and hold it in a posture of quiet submission, seeking the lovingkindness of Christ to fill me rather than my "self" perceptions and feelings. I have heard the story about the blind men and the elephant ~ and how each describes something significantly different when stumbling upon the elephant and feeling what they are touching (tusk, foot, tail, ear...) ~ but I still misunderstand that when three people are in the same room, listening to and discussing the same information, there will be three different ways of percieving what has been said and why. That just doesn't make sense to my way of filtering the world (through rose colored glasses, I have been told). I have discovered that looking outside of the lens of simple reality, coupled with the lens of TRUTH (God alone) is the only way we should strive to perceive the world if we are going to not only stand strong amidst the challenges, but also be a healing agent for those who don't know the love and grace we have been so blessed to recieve.

Pray for me to grow in these areas - I would be most blessed ~

Precious Time

2009-11-06T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have been blessed to be allowed to homeschool my 11 year old daughter again this year. She is the child whom God gave me specifically ~ to both reach her heart when it would crumple, and to work in me more patience, understanding and temperance as I strive to understand her way of thinking and relating to the world, which is so very foreign to mine.

Today we are in another time of push and pull, though it is more peaceful. The rebellion of youth came to a head a few weeks ago ~ with backtalk, eye rolling and the like coming at me in response to nearly every word I spoke. While I have often been willing to understand her impulsive speech challenges (as I have some of those, myself), I cannot allow blatant disrespect nor habitual independence from instructions given by mom (aka: authority that is loving, therefore to be ignored in her mind).

I hate having to "parent hard." I would much prefer talking to my kids and having them "get it." Why can't we all just get along and be loving is a persistent thought in my head. However, with this one ~ when I give an inch of concession, a yard is most often stolen. When I crack down lightly, obedience is not maintained. So, once again I needed to get tough and play bad guy; *sigh* staying tight, firm, and consistent (anyone with kids knows how incredibly tough that task can be).

What a joy it has been to see her starting to "get it" this time around. After consistent discipline (aka: loss of many privileges for about three weeks stemming from correction for every incident of "backtalk," regardless of how strong or slight) I have seen some improvements. Today we lost the privilege of attending a birthday party tomorrow because of lack of willingness to do what we were supposed to related to morning school work (half-way approach versus diligence)...that was a tough one...however, once the tears were finished, and she knew I wasn't budging, she complied with the need to call and cancel her participation.

Oh, the trials of shaping character in children ~ I often wonder if the parents hurt as much (if not more) as the children during this process. I am thankful that not all of my children are the same, and likely I will not have to resort to such extremes with the other two, but I am also prayerful that my eldest will soon rise up to grasp the full picture, that she might integrate it into her spirit and become the beautiful lady God created her to be. Still a pistol, still uniquely creative and gregarious, but obedient and blessed by boundaries that provide us a cocoon from which to live.

Although I am sure we have much more to accomplish in this current pre-teen behavior, I am certain that without the opportunity to be home with her each day, this growing period would have been so much harder to nip in the bud. For that, I say a hearty Thank You, Lord, for the daily lessons You provide, and the opportunities to grow as we nurture and train our children.

2009-10-29T11:46:00.005-04:00

As I have continued to recognize my impurities (see prior post) and seek more deeply to listen to the incredible joys the Lord desires to share with us, I have been coming out of my fogginess. I am still fatigued,but seeking ways to combat that more consistenly (more vitamins, going to bed earlier when possible, getting going more slowly on the mornings I can do so...). In the process, our loving Lord and Daddy has been bringing some great things to my attention...things He began in me long ago that had been shelved for lack of pressing~ness in my life. I have been really enjoying recognizing His hand and His work in me as He has unveiled a few mysteries...

Years ago (likely twelve or thirteen), I was taking a 9 week class that used a 12 circuit labyrinth for meditation and focus ~ the church I belonged to at the time had a labyrinth on their grounds and it was a very peaceful place to wander. Learning to wander along the path, praying "to God" in in the form of questions or musings as the circuitous directions took me away from center more times than toward (e.g. no quick prayer or ability to focus upon the end), then resting in the middle, while standing or kneeling in one of the clover leaves, supplicating myself and trusting Him to respond...eternally grateful that He even cared, let alone specifically for me...then returning on the path while "listening" for inner promptings of His Spirit's response ~ was good discipline for me regarding not just talking to God in prayer, but waiting on Him as well.

One of our weekly lessons focused upon what God's name for us might be. In the Bible, God often renames His people when he imparts His breath ~ His very purpose for creating them ~ more directly their lives - Abram, Sarai, Jacob, Simon, Paul... We were studying this aspect of God and then given the opportunity to explore that with Him in the labyrinth. I was at a difficult time in life related to my marriage and I really wanted to matter to God. I was hoping for something that would illumine me and make me feel good (of course, this was not God's plan, but I thought He might indulge me). God did respond to my prayers that day ~ and He gave me the word "Honor." While I argued with Him about this (it didn't make sense to my limited mind and didn't seem "important" related to my life and the great things I wanted to do for Him). I know that sounds silly to anybody reading this, as it is an amazing word ~ but at that time, given my circumstances, it was not what I wanted to hear.

However, I did take it to heart (somewhat reluctantly) and began exploring the "what" about Honor; how to honor others more fully with His heart, and how I might be dishonoring Him with choices, activities, and thoughts. That experience soon worked its way out of my perceptual lens as life went on and I continued to treat our precious Savior as if he were my co-pilot more often than I thought about Him as Lord.

In my desperate pursuit to understand what He has been working in my life ~ for what purposes and why...as well as what I am missing in my learning (it seems I keep coming to the same darn areas of sin and challenge) and what I can be doing to grow faster and better embrace what He is trying to teach me (ha ha, I am way too intellectual often and just really want to get off this roller coaster at times)...He has recently blessed me beyond measure. My season of wilderness is coming to a close (Hallelujah!!) and I am seeing the fruit He has been forming as I look back over the years of struggle ~

God has shown me that He still wants me to learn "honor" toward everyone in my life. He worked honor through me as a child ~ toward parents, friends, those in authority and those whom others did not consider "worthy" of respect or attention. I had many instances in my younger years where I was the lone person standing up for the spark of goodness in others. I went to bat for the "underdog" so often, and saw the possibilities rather than the failures in the lives of those around me. It was as natural to me as breathing and I really couldn't jump in with the alternatives. I just didn't know then that it was God working through me creating and allowing this vision of my heart. And I didn't understand why others couldn't see things this way.

As I progressed toward independence and into adulthood, I continued to see the good in everyone. I honored where they were, where they had come from, and the divine in their spirit. I trusted that everyone had a purpose and nobody was better than anybody else. I had such a wide variety of friends, many of whom would not be caught in the same location let alone the same room. People were so interesting to me, and there was so much wonder to capture when choosing to see through their eyes for a moment. I loved the many experiences I had and things I discovered during that time. I didn't embrace the realities of all of my friends, by any means, but I enjoyed learning about them.

In the last fourteen years, I have been challenged to honor those who dishonor me by their choices and actions as well as have been challenged to step up and honor those who dishonor themselves either flagrantly or more passively. As I grew in God's strength with this very important talent, He continued to refine me and take me deeper into awareness of His sufferings for His very own who live such dishonoring lives (myself included) as well as His great and incredible love and forgiveness for them. He has given me new opportunities in the last few years to learn how to honor, with His love, those who actively seek to hurt and dishonor me. He has shown me how He was preparing me for a "time such as this." I am still ill-equipped and highly imperfect, but He is showing me a deeper place of intimacy with His heart for us...a place that loves us completely despite our imperfections, hatreds, evil thoughts and disputes with His purity and holiness. He is working with me in learning how to reflect this to everyone in our world. What an incredible privilege ~ to share the heart of God ~ isn't that what we are all called to do? Thanks be to God, our Father and Lord...Glory to Him on high.

Going Deeper

2009-10-07T16:58:00.003-04:00

I have been in a bog (kind of like "blah" and "fog" combined) over the past several months and struggling in my relationship with God ~ I experienced a feeling almost like a big wet blanket has been laying on me, keeping me somewhat inert, and I had not been able to find the source to remove it...I had many times where I felt connected and in sync, but just as many more where I felt almost beaten down...I think the over-arching experience I have been having is one of pure and deep bone weariness, and when I am tired, I tend to not spend as much time in prayer or Bible reading...I tend to be more of a drifter from idea to idea, option to option, book to book. I pray ~ but not as consistently nor as deeply. I read, but not as long, nor as focused. Boy, does that mess with hearing clearly and knowing God's will...I also experienced my first year since 1999 where I was not involved in a formal bible study ~ I really missed it, but wasn't able to work one into my schedule as I embraced home schooling and other kids' activities and needs. That probably had something to do with my sense of detachment ~

However, lately I have been getting glimmers of that sweet fellowship again. Boy have I missed it deeply. I want to sit and drink it in, alternating with begging for more and praying not to lose it again. Last night God took me to two different dates in "My Utmost for His Highest" to read. I think it showed me a bigger work that has been in effect in my life ~ it was really cool. I wanted to share that here ~ I figured if I typed it, I would recall it even better and be able to look back and read it in another six months as well :-)

The first was:

July 26 The Account with Purity

"Out of the heart proceed..." Matthew 15:19

We begin by trusting our ignorance and calling it innocence, by trusting our innocence and calling it purity; and when we hear these rugged statements of Our Lord's, we shrink and say - But I never felt any of those awful things in my heart. We resent what Jesus Christ reveals. Either Jesus Christ is the supreme Authority on the human heart, or He is not worth paying any attention to. Am I prepared to trust His penetration, or do I prefer to trust my innocent ignorance? If I make conscious innocence the test, I am likely to come to a place where I find with a shuddering awakening that what Jesus Christ said is true, and I shall be appalled at the possibility of evil and wrong in me. As long as I remain under the refuge of innocence I am living in a fool's paradise. If I have never been a blackguard, the reason is a mixture of cowardice adn the protection of a civilized life; but when I am underessed before God, I find that Jesus Christ is right in His diagnosis.

The only thing that safeguards is the Redemption of Jesus Christ. If I will hand myself over to Him, I need never experience the terrible possibilities that are in my heart. Purity is too deep down for me to get to naturally: but when the Holy Spirit comes in, He brings into the center of my personal life the very Spirit that was manifested in the life of Jesus Christ, viz., Holy Spirit, which is unsullied purity.

Right after, He led me to June 3:

The Secret of the Lord

"The secret (friendship, RV) of the Lord is with them that fear Him" Psalm 25:14

What is the sign of a friend? That he tells you secret sorrows? No, that he tells you secret joys. Many will confide to you their secret sorrows, but the last mark of intimacy is to confide secret joys. Have we ever let God tell usany of His joys, or are we telling God our secrets so continually that we leave no room for Him to talk to us? At the beginning of our Christian life we are full of requests to God, then we find that God wants to get us into relationship with Himself, to get us in touch with His purposes. Are we so wedded to Jesus Christ's idea of prayer-"Thy will be done" - that we catch the secrets of God? The things that make God dear to us are not so much His great big blessings as the tiny things, because they show His amazing intimacy with us; He knows every detail of our individual lives.

"...Him shall He teach in the way the He shall choose." At first we want the consciousness of being guided by God; then as we go on we live so much in the consciousness of God that we do not need to ask what His will is, be3cause the thought of choosing any other will never occur to us. If we are saved and sanctified God guides us by our ordinary choices, and if we are going to choose what He does not want, He will check, and we must heed. Whenever the is doubt, stop at once. Never reason it out and say "I wonder why I shouldn't?" God instructs us in what we choose, that is, He guides our common sense, and we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually saying- "Now, Lord, what is Thy will?"

God is reminding me that He is working all things for good in My life ~ He is with me, He is guiding me, and I don't need to keep worrying about every little step I take or move I make (I was beginning to be bogged down by fear that I was not walking in His will, or would miss His prompts by stepping forward, but it has been all that my heart has cried out for for so long that I realize I shouldn't fear this as I am not giving Him enough credit in communication :-)) He first had to break me free from my ignorance of innocence to place me firmly on His path, and not my own. Praise Him that He loves us so ~

Contentment

2009-08-28T21:10:00.003-04:00

I have not posted in awhile - have had many great ideas and events to share, but never got organized enough to download them from my mind and heart to the keypad...and then they were gone ~ whoosh ~ as happens frequently in my life. God gives me such glimmers of wonder and delight so often (I thank Him for that!!!) and insights or revelations that are really neat or meaningful...I would like to get back in the habit of writing them down. I have been out of journaling for awhile, among other things that have fallen out of practice ~ I am striving to return to self-discipline for these things...had some *moments* of return this summer, but overall still way off. Ah, but I digress...

So last weekend I was attending a planning meeting for an upcoming event, and after arriving about an hour late based upon some unexpected and distressing "turbulence" in my home that morning, I settled in to participate in the day (I had listened to a terrific CD from Integrity, given to me by a dear friend, Lorna, a couple of years ago ~ it got me right back into a better state of mind and heart as I was driving to my meeting place) :-)

Anyway, a question was asked (as an ice-breaker) "If you had a day, and money was no object, how would you spend it?" (or something to that effect)...My mind first went to the orphans in Haiti ~ they are found in the gutters sometimes, mere infants without hope ~ and I had a desire to serve them. My husband and I know a couple who own/run an orphanage in Haiti and are always looking for help as they live here and eke by while traveling there and doing what they can when they can. My own family of origin also has ties to Haiti with medical missionaries and some pastors who had hearts for there ~ but, here is the kicker, I hadn't anticipated this being what would come to mind.

So, as others were talking about some GREAT escapes (believe me, many of them sounded terrific!) ;-) I kept searching my heart for a different idea for me (one that was more fun and lighthearted), but this persisted. Each time I thought about alternatives (e.g. taking my family to Norway to see my relatives and travel around the country visiting all of my cousins and viewing the incredible scenery...or going to a tropical island and having a pampered vacation...or paying off my home ~ or even purchasing a home that is more typical of what I am familiar from childhood and family...)...I couldn't experience them as *important* to me, really.

For instance, the trip to Norway is something I have wanted to do as it is too expensive to travel with the seven of us, in general, that far. Last time I visited was in the summer of 1997, which is a long time ago considering I used to spend much of my summers there while growing up. One would think this would be my priority ~ but I figured that the Lord could provide for that opportunity again one day, as well as for the other things I mused about such as beaches and other travels ~ and the orphanage I would NEVER be able to do for it what I would like...not on my own or with the lifestyle I currently lead, as it stands now (I shouldn't say Never as God IS the God of amazing things). God has always provided for the daily, with a bit extra thrown in for fun ~ I imagine HE will continue to do so :-)

So then I began musing ~ I have had SO many incredible opportunities and experiences that many don't get to enjoy. I have traveled all over the world, been independent since the age of 16 and have had a adventurous streak since I was a child. I am as at home at a formal event with black tie and gowns (you know the kind; appetizer, salad, soup, lemon sorbet to cleanse the palat, main course, dessert, coffee...lots of chit chat and such, some dancing...) as I am hanging out with my old redneck friends in their garage, chit chatting over a barrel filled with fire for warmth (here's the picture - cowboy hats and worn jeans, women in tight tank tops, men in plaid shirts...cans of Budweiser abundant in sight, all working together to build an ultralight airplane that will have its maiden voyage the owner's tree farm in Charlottesville).

I have been to plays in New York and Washington DC, concerts, benefit events, art shows, etc. I have played on boats and watercraft on all kinds in rivers, oceans and waterways in many different places - even cruising the intercoastals in Florida's neat, amazingly expensive areas in a fun and fancy speedboat (with a male friend who promised me he would buy me this INCREDIBLE house there if I married him...hahaha). I got to ride the railways and travel Europe via the Eurarail passes as a teen living in Belgium ~ spent the night in a bar on a table with girlfriends while returning to Belgium from touring Amsterdam and Holland...I also skied the alps (and took lessons from a really good swiss skier) among other locations while living overseas.

I have seen sunsets and sunrises on both Pacific and Atlantic coasts, alone as well as with friends and loved ones...I even drove up to see the sunrise over Mt. Rushmore one day (another VERY interesting adventure I chose to partake in). I have traveled through or in most of the States, and lived in several ~ enjoying many different parks, rivers, lakes, beaches, mountains, etc. I have been to stock car races, horse races and hound races (dressed a bit differently for each one ;-) ), I have visited many beaches, been scuba diving, snorkeling, swam with dolphin and took pictures of some incredible sea life (I used to want to be a marine biologist). I have fished, been to rodeos, flown in a twin engine plane with a friend who had a ranch in Colorado, and hiked amazing mountains. I have even rappelled and rock climbed (limited) as well as shot rifles and pistols. I have attended a variety of outdoor concerts and dance events (Riverdance is amazing), as well as indoor rock concerts and garage band events. I have written songs for friends garage bands, published poems and even had one put to music and produced...

What more could I ask for? There is so much more I have experienced - it just came back to me in snippets as I sat there musing at the meeting. God has been so good to me. I grew up with so many opportunities, had great support for schooling and extra-curricular events, got to travel with my family and visit many theme parks, historic monuments, etc...what more could I really want?? Since college (which I started at barely 17 since I couldn't wait to move on to independence, and graduated a year early so I could get out and know more of the world) I have been allowed so much more as well. I have experienced the position of director for a few companies, as well as worked as the lowest man on the totem pole. I have also served in pizza joints at night to pay bills while working forty hours per week as an intern post college to complete my training...I have gotten many neat alternate work experiences than what I have been privileged with during my cool career. I have worked as a vet assistant, a dispatcher, a movie theater employee (at a tiny theater), a Wendy's employee (back in the day of "try our hot and juicy" - ugh), an adminstrative assistant for a college summer school dean (that was very busy), a paper girl, an editor, and a church youth director... Whatever it is to be, I follow that lead as has been my way...

As for extra curricular through high school and college, I have enjoyed cheerleading, soccer (men's team in high school as they didn't have a girls team overseas), basketball, volleyball, student council, sorority participation (and several offices with that), and many clubs. I have taken ballroom dance lessons by myself (fun when you get to learn with the instructor!), household maintenance classes, auto mechanic classes, and was working toward a PhD in two areas before quitting my studies while my current marriage got underway. Now I study when I can, read voraciously, and love spending time with my kids as well as retreating to aloneness in my gardens or on the back deck in the mornings...something about the sound of birds and quiet is so peaceful and amazing. :-)

So, I have been given so much - so incredibly much...that to even ask for more that is frivolous seems unnecessary and so incredibly selfish. I am so grateful for my life thus far as I have experienced just about everything I have ever wanted to try. Giving to those who have had nothing but struggle seems like such a blessing, and is incredibly freeing to my spirit to consider. Overall, though some things are not as I would desire in my life, I am wholly content with all that God has provided me over the years...and I trust fully that He will continue to provide. Praise Him ~

Why God Made Moms

2009-06-14T15:26:00.003-04:00

I had some fun this year for Mother's Day, and had my kids fill out a questionnaire that I had found in an email that was circulating. I wanted to share, some of their answers are downright funny :-)

M is 11, K is 8 and R is 5 ~

1) Why did God make mothers?
M - To take care of us
K - So we could be born
R - So the kids could listen to their moms and listen to the Lord, the Christ

2) How did God make mothers?
M- Through a rib of a man
K - He took the rib out of the man and made a woman
R - With His powers

3) What ingredients are mothers made of?
M - Love, warmth, sadness, happiness, much much more
K - a rib
R - bones and hair

4) Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
M- because she was meant for me
K - So we could be born and love on her and so we could have a mom
R - Cause He thought she was Christ-ly

5) What kind of little girl was your mom?
M - Quiet, shy, pretty, sensible, Christian
K - nice one
R - I don't know cuz I was the last to grow up, Max did cuz he was the first one! (Max is 15)

6) What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
M - About him, example: his history and what he was like
K - what he likes
R - that he was Christ-ly

7) Why did your mom marry your dad?
M - Because #1 she thought God had picked him out, and #2 God actually picked the 2nd one
out
K - so she could have a child
R - cause he was Christ-ly

8) Who's the boss at your house?
M - Daddy Bo, mommy
K - Mom and Dad
R - Jesus and Mom and Dad

9) What's the difference between moms and dads?
M- well, one's a man and one's a woman (when queried further...) dads play different, moms
do more at home
K - one is a boy and one is a girl
R - that dads are tall and moms are a little bit shorter

10) What does your mom do in her spare time?
M - read bible, pay bills, get disturbed (when asked what she meant by this, she reminded
me that she or someone else was always interrupting me with needing something) :-)
K - read, rest, get on computer
R - Enjoys reading her Bible

11) What would it take to make your mom perfect?
M - Nothing she already is!
K - Powers
R - wearing a dress and a skirt and telling me what to do, doing everything

12) If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
M - I wouldn't change a hair on her head
K - Make us get everything we want
R - Changing her to not ever be angry...or my dad either

Blessings to all, I am laughing again as I type this. Children are such delightful joys! :-)

My Descent into Hell by Howard Storm

2009-05-28T11:50:00.002-04:00

I just finished a really interesting book...I found it randomly when browsing through Amazons vast library of options (getting my summer reading list together) :-) While the book has some parts I question, the overall theme is amazing and compelling...I wanted to share bits and pieces that struck me as I started trying to process the profundity of the author's words.

In a chapter about the past and the future (wars and such), he states "the way to prevent war is to love aggressively and care for all people. Sufficient wealth, food and resources exist for every person in the world. Wars result not because there is a scarcity of resources, but because of our desire to possess resources to the exlusion of others. God loves every man, woman, and child on this planet more than we love our own children. God wants all people to have food, shelter, meaningful work, and an opportunity to be creative; to learn the truth, have freedom from fear, have self-esteem, be procreative, live in community, find complete joy, trust in God, and become the wonderful people that God created us to be.
"Our purpose is to know and do God's will in this life, and we do this when we love one another as God loves us. Every person without exception needs to be loved by us. This is the most difficult and most important lesson of our life. this is what has shaped the past and this is what will create the future. We have failed to learn this fundamental lesson that God has been teaching us from most religious traditions since the beginning of human consciousness."

In another chapter..."The love of God, the love of neighbor, and the love of self are inseparable parts of a whole that cannot be divided. Without the love of God, there cannot be true love of another. It is only through the overarching Spirit of God that one can love another person. Love comes from God, and relationships not grounded in the love of God are based on the exploitation of other people. Only through love of God can we see the true value and beauty of another person.
"It is impossible to love another person unless we love ourselves. Without the love of God, it is impossible to love ourselves because every human being is aware of their flawed nature and sinfulness. We can find ourselves truly lovable only by receiving the love that our Creator has for us. When there is no love of God, there is only the counterfeit love of narcissism, which is a gross attempt to prove ourselves lovable. The only authentic love in this world is achieved when there is balance between love of God, love of neighbor, and love of self."

One last thought worth sharing (in the same flow, though much further in the book)..."Jesus Christ commanded his disciples to love one another as he loved us. I don't know how to practice this radical kind of love in a world that exploits love. One who takes Jesus Christ's command seriously must live in constant tension with the world. The fervent desire of the Spirit of God working in and through the church to make the world more loving is thwarted by the passion of the world to undermine the church.
The Bible teaches - from Book of Genesis to the Book of Revelation - that each of us is free to choose whether we are proponents of God's will or opponents of God's will. The question is: Are you seeking God's will or are you not? Knowing and doing God's will is the curriculum in this life. The church, as flawed as it may be, is the instrument to help us know God's will. The church is the closest we will get to God outside of heaven. The secular world is the place where we are sent to do the work of the Spirit of Christ."

I really enjoyed reading Mr. Storm's book...will likely re-read it as it is filled with testimony speaking toward God's love and truths ~

Blessings ~
Christie

An Unexpected Delight

2009-04-10T14:48:00.003-04:00

My sister emailed me this time last week (Thursday or Friday) and asked "how would you like some company for Easter?!" Would I?!! Of course!!!

Fast forward - I was delighted to pick she and two of her children up at the airport on Wednesday, her hubby and other two kiddos arrived by car a couple of hours later. My sister and her husband are following God's prompts to decrease material comforts and increase eternal focus, so they have sold their house in Chicago (amazingly fast ~ so they are renting back until June) and are on an avid search for *where* the LORD would have them go.

I have been praying for them that God would lead, while trying to keep my desires out of the picture. God gave me a vision, which I shared with them (which looked like a possible South Carolina perspective, and they did have a head hunter from there contact them) but more recently He has clarified some things from that which suggest it might actually be Virginia which would be awesome to me...I am all the more eager to see what He has in store. Yesterday and today she has been interviewing with five different OB/GYN practices in Fredericksburg, which is not far away. She loves the town and the hospital, but hasn't yet gotten a good feel for her fit. Today was the day she was to speak to the doc that she had sensed a good connection with over the phone. The sense I got in my prayers was the Richmond area, which is further away, but still relatively close (especially compared to Chicago) ~ however, I really just pray the right door will open, and His perfect plan will be illumined in time (they have also had a good sense at a location in Texas)

While she is in Fredericksburg, I have been delighted to have my niece, nephews, and brother-in-law staying with us. I so enjoy their company and really miss them between visits (all of them). This pic was taken Thursday morning (Lexie, their youngest, was still sleeping)

What a blast we have had - I have to share them with my brother this evening and tomorrow before they head back to Illinois, but will get to join all of them Saturday evening for an early Easter celebration. I wish they could join us for church on Sunday as I know they would really appreciate our church family, but they will go with my brother's family which is okay, too (do I sound like I hate sharing?) *smile*

So ~ can't wait to see the plan, delighted to share the time. Florida, Texas or Virginia (all places where family exist for them)...in time we shall know. To God be the Glory ~

Fasting for Lent

2009-03-27T08:29:00.003-04:00

Discipline seems to be a non-valued quality in our culture these days. As I was reflecting on the current season of Lent and how many denominations encourage Christians to give something up during the days preceeding Easter (television, chocolate, video games...), I realize that this is a good training ground for some people in the area of self-control and drawing closer to God, while just an exercise in religious games for others.

How often, when participating in a Lenten fast, do we really think about why we are giving things up? I know that before I pursued a deeper relationship with the Lord (versus the one I had growing up, where I heard His Spirit nudging me throughout my life as I "tried" to do what was right), I had a pretty *decent* relationship with religion and religious practices. This included attending church, following rules, and taking notes during sermons as a way of trying to understand God, while being somewhat unaware about how church attendance and following these practices drew me closer to God. I often felt closer to God outside of this Sunday attendance practice ~ during my prayer times and hours spent admiring the beauty of His Creation. I sometimes wondered as to how to related what attending church was for, besides the intellectual pursuit of understanding God coupled with the "good feeling" I got while being there.

During those days, when I fasted from meat,ice cream, chocolate, or whatever (during Lent), it was without true understanding of purpose. I did it to agree with the system ~ to participate with "God", and I did it half-focused. Today, though I am not fasting during this Lenten season, I fast for different reasons, forgoing various things whenever I feel led by the Lord to do so. I have learned so much about God and myself during these times of fasting; so much more than when I gave something up for Lent...It has been a true delight and a period of growing closer to our Lord as well as loving Him more and being more awed by His power and grace and mercy.

I remember my feelings of amazement during the first few times I "fasted for a day" in order to draw closer to God in obedience. Everything suddenly became so much more tempting, my mind would play tricks on me about what I was missing, how I wouldn't have a chance to taste this or that if I didn't have it (e.g. it always seemed that parents would drop off baked goods or candies for the teachers at the school those days when I was working) ~ I had to actively CHOOSE to deny myself, often telling God "no, You are more important and I am going to honor my agreement." It was truly a bittersweet time as I was getting *nothing* out of the fast that served my conscious fleshly body, and at times felt that it was silly to even be pursuing. Gradually, over time, I discovered that it was during this time that I understood the power God gave to us through His Spirit. I understood the cravings of my body, driven by my mind more often than not and how "taking each thought captive to the obedience of Christ" was a powerful tool of victory in pursuit of sacrificial living...even relatively *small* sacrifice.

Stepping stones...each that we step upon can bring us closer to the edge of ourselves, into the arms of our Heavenly Father...or can topple and roll ~ causing us momentarily to lose our balance and/or bearings, until the path is laid clear before us once again...

Praise God for His stabilizing Hands as we cross our river of stones ~ slowly but steadily approximating Christ's control over our own desires

Do You Know What Faith Is?

2009-03-19T12:08:00.002-04:00

I liked this simple summary; wanted to share :-)

A Prophetic Exhortation
By Patricia Bankhead

Date: Mar 17, 2009

Do you not know what faith is? Faith has nothing to do with your eyes or what you can see in the natural. Faith is standing on My promises in spite of your circumstances.

Faith is waiting patiently on Me, no matter how long, until I perform My word. Faith is running to Me when your heart has been broken instead of running to the alcohol bottle. Faith is receiving your healing when there is nothing but pain in your body. Faith is knowing I will provide when there is no food on the table. Faith is not worrying when you hear bad news. Faith is when you stand up face-to-face with your problems and say, "I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus."

Faith is walking in My victory; it is believing in an manner that ushers forth the mighty move of My hand that this generation so longs to see.

Abba

God is SO in Control

2009-03-13T15:45:00.001-04:00

I was reading Genesis this week, and was enjoying the story about Abram and Sarai again...How God told Abram he would have a son from whom would come descendants as numerous as the stars (I am not sure I would believe that if I were over 80 and childless, frankly)....That they had trouble believing is not even in question here to me, and after several years I would imagine that of course Sarai felt like she was not capable of fulfilling the promise (and perhaps thought she wasn't qualified, since God had promised her husband, not her)...

So goes Sarai to take matters into her own hands and tell her husband that the her maidservant could bear this anointed son....It would appear, as well, that Abram agreed with her that perhaps *she* was the problem in the fulfillment of His promise...

Do I ever do things like this? Take over when it *appears* that what God has promised me might not be happening and what I believe about my inability makes more sense than what God has said? Do I doubt His very word to me ~ the Creator of our Universe, Alpha and Omega, Father of all, capable of all things?! I have to laugh at that questi0n as I often do doubt ~ Lord increase my faith!

However, what was most interesting to me this week was the longer range of God's plan and perfect provision ~ let me share with you some of Chapter 15 (before Sarai takes matters into her own hands)

4 Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." 5 He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
6 Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness. "

God then cuts covenant with Abram as a binding agreement to be responsible for the fulfillment of what He has promised...

12 As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him. 13 Then the LORD said to him, "Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated four hundred years. 14 But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions. 15 You, however, will go to your fathers in peace and be buried at a good old age. 16 In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure."

This was the part that stood out to me...God is talking about the next FOUR HUNDRED YEARS.
He also states fourth generation they would return ~ Let's count...Abraham begat Isaac, Isaac begat Jacob, Jacob begat Joseph...one, two, three...during the fourth generation (Manasseh's), Moses delivered Israel (descendants of Jacob, who was renamed "Israel" by God) from the Egyptians. They had been enslaved for just over 400 years.

Now, God got Israel to Egypt through Joseph and his brothers (sons of Jacob). They became slaves after Joseph died, and were mistreated until Moses came along, upon God's hand, and got them out of Egypt to return to their "promised land."

If God can plan so much in advance, knowing all that would transpire and orchestrating it *just so* to work in His perfect timing, despite our waywardness, lack of faith, and all other sinful life choices, how much more can He walk us through the current economic and dark times?! Praise God that He is always faithful to His promises ~ "But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast "(Hebrews 3:6) Amen?

Are We the Master??

2009-02-28T20:59:00.002-05:00

I was attending a lecture series on Revelation this weekend (which was fascinating and engaging, btw), and found this entry in my flip journal while I was taking notes. I had written it late one night after struggling with some things a few months ago. As I scanned it, I thought I would share to see if anybody else ever felt this way...

Everyone is not a master of their own world, though we often strive to be. I need to stop reacting to the externals as if I am the master, and responding to the internals, fully knowing that I am not ~ trusting the Lord to lead and have perfect timing for all things...

I so desperately hurt when hearing from others how much I have let them down...where I have fallen short of their expectations which somehow I feel obligated to meet. Why am I not good enough to be valued just as I am?...

Why me, Lord? Do I let You down, as well, when I disappoint or hurt or confuse others? Am I really supposed to meet their percieved needs as I am supposed to have a heart of compassion and love toward them...? We are called to consider others as more important than ourselves, forgive 70 times 7, turn the other cheek, pray for those who persecute, bless our enemies, etc. The taunting ringing in my ears says "yes, God knew I would fail Him, God knew I would never measure up to His holy standards no matter how desperately I desired to..." ...
but that is a mockery of truth, from the father of lies himself ~ the father of pride and self-absorption. A mockery of the reality that we were NEVER supposed to even try to measure up ~ we are designed to recieve that we might give ~ the enemy of our souls would have us reverse this...

A still small voice presses in; gracious and encouraging ~ Hush, my child. Be still. You are loved. You are forgiven. I have loved you with an everlasting love ~ the depth of which knows no bounds. I expected your 'failing' ~ you weren't leaning on Me. You see, you can do nothing apart from Me, but with Me and in Me All things are possible...When will you understand, my child, what true love and rest really mean? When will you see yourself through My eyes? My masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made.

I can do no wrong ~ was I wrong in creating you? Not at all. Did I somehow create you with dysfunction? No - I gave you exactly what I intended to do. Your heart, your mind, your very breath came from Me. I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were, I Am.

How then, child, can you not see the beauty that lies before Me, in you? Your eyes, your heart toward Me ~ such joy and pleasure. I delight in these things. You have been made perfect in Me. Fret not, my dear, for you truly are forgiven of your failings. They are but human error, I am divine.

I love you just as you are ~ I in thee, thee in Me. We can do all things. Trust Me, abide in Me, draw closer to Me, rest. I am Love.

And then the truth hits me more profoundly. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak. The truth screams to me ~ I am often unwilling to give up my life....Why? "I Want...."

Lord, until YOU become more than "I want," my life will not be a powerful witness to you. May I grow in stature of love for You that I lose the I in that statement and transform it to YOU. Amen.

A Story I Read This Morning ~

2009-02-18T10:29:00.003-05:00

I have two husbands: A polygamist’s diary
A polygamist on her ‘non-traditional’ lifestyle — and why ‘Big Love’ is silly

"Non-traditional" is a popular catchall phrase that seems, in common usage, to mean anything that differs from the mainstream. It also describes a large portion of my life.
My upbringing was entirely unremarkable, and certainly included nothing of this sort. I was first introduced to such alternative relationships in college when a female friend of mine and I knowingly decided to share the same boyfriend.

No, not a threesome, just going out with the same guy. It was partially a matter of convenience, and partially the fact that we were close friends. We both liked him very much, didn't want to fight over him, and he wasn't anxious to choose between us. As this was my first intimate relationship and it became polyamorous, it is hardly surprising that I ended up in a polygamist marriage. My first husband was Alan.

We fell together like a couple of old shoes, somehow instantly comfortable with each other. We had similar opinions about plural relationships, and neither of us was averse to the idea. Around a year and a half after we were married, we met Eric. He and I were instantly attracted to each other and, as Alan had no objection, we began getting to know each other better. Over time, I found myself falling in love with Eric. Alan certainly wasn't blind to this, so we all got together to discuss it. This turned out to be one of the most important conversations of my life, and led to an increase in my family’s size.

Alan and Eric let me make the sleeping arrangements, and I worked to make sure I spent time with both of them. To all outward appearances we were a married couple with a male friend living with us. While some found it awkward when the three of us occasionally attended parties and such together, very few people attempted to pry. To avoid legal troubles, I remained legally married to Alan, and we all decided a larger house was in order when we met Leslie.

Fast forward to today, and our family is now composed of Alan, Eric, Leslie, Amber, and myself, plus our children: Todd, Steve, Jennifer, Lisa, and Amber is currently pregnant. Eric and Leslie are legally married, and we've added a few rooms to the house. We have two family meetings a week, one of which is for adults only, both of which can get lively and loud. We've had our arguments over money, people monopolizing other people's time, dealing with children's issues, and so forth — like any other family — but we just have more voices in the discussion.

As far as finances are concerned, Alan, Eric and Leslie all work, and Amber intends to go back to work after the baby is born. I kind of became the head Mom and housekeeper, and we all take turns at cooking except for Eric. (We all try to keep him out of the kitchen. We've decided we like the house, and we don't want him to burn it down.) We have main household accounts for bills and home improvements, and we all have our own personal accounts as well. Alan keeps all the books balanced, as he's best at it. Amber and I both receive a kind of salary for what we do around the house.

Our respective families are aware that Alan and I are married, that Eric and Leslie are married, and that Amber is living with us. If they are suspicious of anything else, they've never mentioned it. Fascinating how people avoid asking uncomfortable questions.
When ‘Big Love’ came out, we all thought it was pretty silly. To start with, we all consider ourselves to be one family, not three separate but connected families. The ideas that plural marriage is restricted to the one man and several wives model — and that it has to have a religious basis — are both ridiculous. We also don't consider the political jockeying, the backbiting, and the attempts to get more of the husband's attention or money, to be loving behavior. If the youngest wife is so insecure, she should go find herself a nice monogamous man.

This lifestyle really isn't for everybody. We are all here because we love each other and we choose to be together. Those who think it is all about sex really don't understand. Those who think something kinky must be going on seriously don't understand. Incidentally, for those who insist on knowing, we are all straight. This did not keep me from sleeping in Leslie's bed for a few nights and holding her as we cried after she had a miscarriage. We all love and support each other, and try to see that everyone's needs are met. And, as most eventually discover, people's needs extend beyond sex.

With all the traditions we have coming from other cultures and various parts of the country, who's to say what is or isn't mainstream? Kind of makes "non-traditional" lose its meaning.

Your turn!
What’s your take on polygamy?

Mine is *UGH, WRONG* (though somewhat fascinating in a curious sense), and to agree with any form of "non-traditional" marriage certainly would be cheating myself out of the delight and challenge of really growing into an intimate relationship with someone, that ultimately not only chisels and refines us if we persist in love, but also has potential to reflect God's love to a dying world...How sad if I were just to "play house" with a bunch of friends and swap partners sometimes...something about that just doesn't seem right...and how do the kids manage to get it all straight?? What do they tell people at the school when their mom and another mom's dad had them?? Waaaay too messed up for my book. I am amazed this exists, shows how "sheltered" I am. Praise God for that! :-)

Fun Comparisons

2009-02-12T10:34:00.003-05:00

I was in a really neat place with God last night, and this song from Air Supply (remember them?) began running through my head ~ well, the main chorus did...so, this morning I looked it up. I thought it was an appropriate love song to our LORD ~

Can't Fight this Feeling

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself, that I can't hold out forever

I say there is no reason for my fear

Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And even as I wonder I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shoreand throw away the oars forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

I've been running around in circles in my mind

Baby it always seems that I'm following you

Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wonder I'm keeping you sight

You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting forIt's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

A Poem from Last night

2009-02-06T10:20:00.003-05:00

As I was praying last night and getting ready for bed, this came to me...I wanted to share.

From the depth of darkness

the beam of light

penetrates

Illumining all in its path

casting glow to the shadows...

Shinmering fresh and pure, it emerges

freely traveling

through the fleeing darkness.

Possessing powerful simplicity;

quiet, yet determined

inch by inch it reaches the corners~

None can change its path...

steady and true from its origin

Inviting, beckoning...

seeking to expand and fill the space.

Formless blobs take on shape and meaning;

as the glow gets brighter and brighter

revealing all with its gentle caress ~

these long forgotten things...

bumps, etchings, scratches, boulders~

illumining hidden beauty

and tarnished treasures...

giving freedom

and hope

for new life.

Some Quotes

2009-01-29T17:26:00.002-05:00

I used to cut things out of papers, write little notes down, etc. when something struck me. As I have been cleaning this week, I found these three quips on "love" and wanted to put them somewhere so I could throw away the papers. I figured sharing them here was a fun place to do that. :-)

From the movie "How to Make an American Quilt" (remember that one??!)

"Young lovers seek perfection, Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together and seeing the beauty in a multiplicity of patches."

Not sure where these two were from :

"There are no justified resentments ~ all things can teach us a deeper connection to love."

"The funny thing about love ~ it's the only game you lose by refusing to play."

Enjoy! :-)

Purging 2

2009-01-28T11:45:00.004-05:00

Part of my urge to purge includes "completing" projects. Completing the playroom and transitioning Michelle upstairs was one of those projects. My office is another (it has been in process for about three years, and has improved over time, but still has LOTS of things that need a home/shredder/file so will continue to be in process for awhile). My bedroom is a third, and I am about half-way through with what I am doing there - it is feeling lighter as well, though in general has always been very restful for me because I am very careful to keep excess out in there.

However, this is where my "completing" needs to happen versus purging. I have way too many books stacking up next to my bed again; I continue with a tendency to start reading many books at the same time (whenever one draws my interest). I LOVE books ~ I read often and can spend hours reading (when not playing my new word games addiction). Each night after the kids are in bed and Bo is studying for his classes, I will read and rest with quiet joy/peace. I started "finishing" books awhile back, which helped, but I started so many recently that it needed to be a focused effort. I re-started recently and have begun to make a dent in the piles.

I received a book called "More Whispers of Angels" for Christmas which I loved and read quite quickly (little vignettes that bring our attention to God's hand in our everyday lives). I also finished three novels in a series I had started (six total; these were the last three). But those books don't really count to me as I always read novel type books very quickly. It is the ones that are informational or teaching oriented that I take longer with, though still enjoy immensely. I would say 80 to 90 percent of what I read falls in this category. I have also challenged myself to continue to read the bible through EACH year since I finished last year, as I tend to read the new testament much more than the old, in general, when doing devotions.

I have now finished "How To Forgive...When You Don't Feel Like It" by June Hunt (which I started almost a year ago, then put aside; it is/was a very good book with much food for meditative thought and lots of scripture which I appreciated). and "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace ~ which also was a book I started nearly a year ago, but put aside. It, too, was an excellent tool for learning and encouragement.

The last book I re-started after many months of rest was "The Power of Prayer in a Believer's Life" by Charles Spurgeon. This book is meaty and each chapter took a long time for me to read (relative to my normal speed) as I tended to have to focus more closely on what he was trying to convey. I had stopped reading it because of fatigue (fatigue in my life for deep topics that took too much out of me ~ which was the same with the other two books) but I had a fresh wind recently and was renewed in my yearnings for prayer as an ongoing part of each day ~ some really neat quotes from his book included:

"Faith is not believing fanatically but believing the truth. There is a wonderful difference between believing your imaginations and believing what God has distinctly promised. Faith and imagination are two very different things. God keeps us from the falsehood of folly and leads us into the truth of wisdom! "

"How can the ways of the world be followed and the communion with God maintained?...If we could but stand on this earth as upon a mere shadow and live as those who will soon be done with this poor transient life! If we held every earthly thing with a very loose hand, we would not be caring and worrying and fretting, but we would be praying, for thus we grasp the real, the substantial, and plant our feet upon the invisible - which is, after all, the eternal."

I have also been reading many Jerry Bridges books; "The Discipline of Grace" is one I recently finished (also "Respectable Sins, Confronting the sins we all tolerate" which was great). I will post on it at another time - I am really getting a lot out of how this author shares the gospel message and expands upon it's truths.

Praise God for Books! :-)

Purging 1

2009-01-28T11:35:00.002-05:00

I have been in a mood to get rid of stuff ~ my home seems to accumulate things that get used for awhile and then left to the side in favor of other things. That, in addition to the paper trail that always comes through, leaves me feeling a bit crowded at times. This is one of those times.

I was able to give away so many boxes before Christmas; Salvation Army, freecycle, friends who could use what we no longer were needing...but it is hard to see that things have been removed. Well, that isn't completely true; I am feeling a freshness in the home and sensing a bit more flow through the rooms as I continue on my mission, but I still feel OVERWHELMED with the amount of *stuff* we accumulate. I don't know if anybody gets the same sense as I do when walking into a room that has lots in it, but I get overloaded and tune out. I am pretty certain if we had a larger home, it wouldn't feel so crowded, as I tend not to collect things just to fill rooms, but I still believe we could stand to continue to purge.

In the last three days, because of school holidays and snow days, I have been enlisting the help of my girls to cleanse our home from excess. We have freecycled out MANY things that are no longer serving us, given to several people who are delighted to have what we no longer need. What a wonderful way to share it is!
Michelle has now moved into Kari's room, and her room has become a playroom downstairs. That has freed up our living space downstairs to feel less crowded and perhaps stay a bit cleaner (so I won't have to step on small barbie toys or beads on the floor any more, hopefully). It has also allowed the wood stove some breathing space which I prefer for fire hazard concerns.

Today there are five bags sitting on my front porch glider with things in them for various families. I passed on six yesterday and four the day prior. It is such a nice way to share. I hate throwing away perfectly good things that have outlasted their interest or need here. For instance, one of my three drawer containers that the girls used for years at their art table, with pens, scissors, markers, crayons, etc. in the drawers ~ had become a holding tank for miscellaneous junk as they had found other locations for pencils/crayons and spread them out to multiple ares and caches (of course, since I set up the order they had to find what worked best over time). yesterday I gave that drawer stack to a lady in Remington who was starting a home business and had very little extra $$ to purchase office needs. The drawers were sized for 8 1/2 X 11 papers so perfect for her. I love that!

Good Article "for" Life ~

2009-01-23T14:33:00.001-05:00

Helen M. Bowerman
Submitted By: Cemetery of the Innocents
THURSDAY, JANUARY 22 2009 (Rappahanock News)

Three thousand, three hundred white flags have been planted in the lawn of Saint Peter’s Catholic Church on Route 211 in Washington, Va. Each flag in the lawn represents each human life taken by abortion each day. This Cemetery of the Innocents bears witness to the drastic loss of life caused by this American Holocaust.

While a great deal of attention is centered on the Jewish Holocaust, many choose to ignore the Holocaust occurring here in the United States. The number of Jewish children killed through abortion is twice as many as the Jewish people killed by Hitler. Blacks, who make up about one-eighth of the U.S. population, have more than one-third (37 percent) of America’s 2.1 million annual abortions.

If there was ever a racial crime, abortion is it. According to the Guttmacher Institute, which compiles reproductive health statistics, black women abort their children at five times the white rate and twice the Hispanic rate. The current rate is 11 abortions per 1,000 white women, 28 for every 1,000 Hispanic women, and 50 per every 1,000 black women.

But most surprisingly, women who have had abortions say that they never felt they had any other choice. They felt coerced into having an abortion by the baby’s father, or their family, or even by the fact that they could not afford to care for the baby.

A former abortion clinic owner has said than an abortion occurred every 50 seconds in the clinic. Even former clinic employees have spoken of the horrors of the clinics. Women are prevented from seeing their child on a sonogram, the baby is described as tissue, and they are rushed into the procedure to prevent them from changing their minds. Abortions are painful for women. They cause physical pain, and emotional pain. Many women who have had an abortion go through counseling, through programs such as Project Rachel. This program helps women who have endured pain caused by abortions, through a confidential phone line, referrals for professional counseling, and the assistance of a priest to provide spiritual counseling.

Women are not the only persons affected by abortion; men are also deeply affected by abortions. Many men suffer Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) caused by the abortion of their child. Many of the boyfriends and husbands of women who have had abortions experience emotional numbing, diminished interest, detachment from others, reduced communication, a limited range of feelings, and a sense of a foreshortened future. Many also experience difficulty sleeping, eating disorders, anger, an inability to concentrate, and even suicidal thoughts. Clearly, the pain caused by an abortion is much greater than assumed by many, or even mentioned by abortionists.

One of the signs frequently seen at the annual March for Life in Washington, D.C. says, “Abortion: One dead, One wounded.” Clearly, this is a fact. The only way to prevent this pain is to prevent the massive numbers of abortions provided in the United States. The Saint Peter Parish Committee for Life is devoted to reducing the number of abortions. They planted these flags to ensure that the devastating number of lives ended and affected by abortion each day will not be forgotten.

A great deal of help is needed to prevent abortions. United States citizens need to make their opposition to the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) known. This can be done by calling your senators and congressmen. Please join the Saint Peter Parish Committee for Life to bring an end to this Holocaust. For more information, please write to

Saint Peter Parish Committee for Life
P.O. Box 27
Washington, VA 22747
Additional Resources:
Project Rachel
www.arlingtondiocese.org/familylife/rachel.php
Sarah LaPierre, Project Director
Jo Balsamo, Program Coordinator
200 N. Glebe Rd., Suite 814
Arlington, VA 22203
Telephone Number: (703) 841-2504
Helpline: 1-888-456-HOPE (4673)

E-mail: projectrachel@ arlingtondiocese.org

Disgusting!

2009-01-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

I have never been so disgusted in all of my days. While I knew that our culture was becoming much more permissive, and children were being educated to be "safe" versus abstain. Planned parenthood has taken the cake ~ the worst of it is that OUR tax dollars fund their efforts. Here is information a friend sent me in September (I am just now getting around to previewing; I wish I hadn't had the opportunity quite frankly...but I surely don't want my kids being taught by this ~)

"Planned Parenthood, the billion dollar corporate abortion provider, has taken immorality to a whole new level and is using your taxpayer dollars to spread its toxic propaganda.

"A new Planned Parenthood promotional Web site which targets youth and is called "Take Care Down There," features short "public service" video vignettes which, among other things, promote casual sex, immodesty, homosexuality and even group sex. For example, one video on this new Web site depicts what appears to be an African-American male teenager relegated to performing oral sex on a white male teenager while another white male (an adult authority figure in a suit) stands nearby giving instructions.

"During the 2006-2007 fiscal year, Planned Parenthood received a total of $336.7 million from government grants and contracts. In 2008, $300 million was given to family planning clinics, under the Title X program. These funds were used to service over five million people, a third of which received "care" from a Planned Parenthood clinic."

How do we fight governmental support of this?! I don't know, but I will definitely be praying about it.

Anointing the Inaguration ~ Blessing our President

2009-01-14T08:40:00.002-05:00

Planning in advance of the Inaguration ~ and the anointing and prayer that has already been occuring....here is where I recieved this information:

"Some doors only Heaven can open."

That was the case yesterday when I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to do something that in my mind I knew could not be accomplished. When we notified the Capitol Hill police of our intentions they told us in no uncertain terms we would be arrested for our actions. Yet, in obedience to what I knew to be a divine prompting, I proceeded, along with my colleague, Rev. Pat Mahoney of the Christian Defense Coalition, to the Capitol Building...and there experienced a miracle.

It just so happened (as it so often does for people of faith), when we entered the Capitol complex we met Congressman Paul Broun of Georgia, in the hallway. Congressman Broun is a dynamic and unapologetic Christian. I told him what God had prompted me to do. He immediately agreed and joined me, along with Rev. Mahoney and our chief of staff, Peggy Birchfield, as together we held a prayer service inside the US Capitol that included anointing the doorway President-Elect Barack Obama will pass through on his way to the platform to be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States on January 20th. (To see this brief but powerful prayer and anointing service, please click here above.)

Anointing with oil is a rich tradition both in the Bible and in the history of the US Capitol. Oil symbolizes consecration, or setting something apart for God's use. George Washington used oil during the dedication of the US Capitol. We used the oil to set apart the walkway and doors that will be the literal right-of-passage for Barack Obama as he ascends to the highest office in our land. Bear in mind this is one of the most cordoned off and highly secured sites in America. It is virtually inaccessible. Yet, there we were, holding a consecration service in obedience to God - the very thing He had placed in my heart.

Rep. Broun delivered a short sermon-like talk on the need to obey God and His will, and for the future president to do what is right. I read Bible passages and applied sacred oil to the doorposts of the arched doorway leading out of the Capitol and onto the inaugural stage, immediately in front of the riser where Obama will stand with Chief Justice John Roberts who will administer the Oath of Office. Rev. Mahoney read a powerful inaugural prayer by Dr. Billy Graham, delivered 40 years ago.Congressman Broun referred to the location of the prayer service as "the doorway that (President-Elect Obama) will enter through to start of his presidency."That doorway has now been consecrated and anointed for the purposes of God."

You and your friends, family, and fellow church members can now join us in prayer for our nation and the transition to a new administration by simply watching the video and praying with us.The more people who watch this video, the more powerful it becomes. That's why we also need you to forward it on to as many people as possible.If Christians across the nation will join together in prayer, I know God will "hear from Heaven and heal our land."

Then forward it on to your family, friends, and fellow church members so together we can raise our voices to God on behalf of our nation in an act of repentance and dedication.Your missionary to our nation's leaders.

Rob Schenk
The Reverend Rob Schenck, D.D., is an Evangelical minister and president of the National Clergy Council and its lay affiliate, Faith and Action in the Nation’s Capital.

Reverend Schenck holds degrees in Bible, Theology and Divinity. During his over 25 years of full-time Christian ministry he has been a youth minister, pastor, missionary-evangelist and minister to elected and appointed officials.

Rev. Schenck has traveled extensively, preaching and teaching in over 40 nations. He has most recently led religious diplomatic missions to Sudan (Darfur) and Morocco. He is founder of Operation Serve International, a Christian humanitarian outreach working with the poorest children in the world; Hearts for the Homeless, a mobile advocacy program and the National Memorial for the Pre-born and their Mothers and Fathers, the premiere indoor pro-life event held annually inside the U.S. Capitol complex in Washington, DC.

Rev. Schenck serves on the boards of numerous organizations including the Institute on Religion and Public Policy, the National Pro-Life Religious Council and Capitol Hill Executive Service Club. He makes frequent appearances in the media, is a popular conference speaker and is the author of two books.

Infant Swimming

2009-01-12T11:50:00.002-05:00

When I was growing up, we spent summers in a cottage next to the ocean in Norway. One night my brother climbed up onto a stool and crawled out the kitchen window in the middle of the night. This was a tiny window, but the only thing open in the house. He was a toddler at the time. He fell to the ground and toddled over to our pier, walking along it and then falling into the ocean (from the story I got; not sure of all the details; I was an infant at the time). My parents awoke during his commotion and when figured out what the noises were, ran to save him. If they had not, it could have been a tragedy.

I know many people who have swimming pools in their back yards, others who take their kids to the lakes and such; the ability not to panic is such an important skill. This video demonstrates a program that goes one step further ~ it is amazing to me to watch (I was getting teary eyed; I am not sure how the mother was able to film this without wanting to jump in and rescue this toddler)...

Blessings on your day ~

Poetic Musings

2009-01-08T06:44:00.004-05:00

I was reading a book of inspirational vignettes last night before bed, and these thoughts came to me as I closed the cover ~

In this imperfect world,

With my imperfect life,

I'm an imperfect person,

and an imperfect wife.

Dust bunnies abound,

Kids leave streaks on the walls,

Stacks of books grace some tables~

Stained rugs in some halls.

Routines are attempted,

But often not kept

Critters are fed,

without cages swept.

The list of "to do"

Is longer than "done."

And play, versus work,

Seems so much more fun.

My house, I'd admit,

Is not what I knew~

But my children's sweet smiles

Make up for this skew.

But I'll take my ole house

And imperfect ways,

Over anything fancier

That doesn't have frays.

In this home, I've learned,

through good and through bad,

Life's the most precious

Gift that I have.

No School

2009-01-06T08:56:00.002-05:00

We live in Fauquier County, Virginia ~ a county that resonates with beauty and back roads. Today we have no school. As I walked outside to get some wood for our wood stove this morning, I felt rain and coolness - but nothing more. It was only 6:15 a.m. Schools are closed because of icy conditions...????

The weather forecasts a day with temps around 34 for the low ~ so not freezing conditions. I am only using our wood stove because our heat pump is not working and any time we need heat to keep us at 68 here, the emergency/resistive heat kicks on which draws much more energy, so I am trying to keep the house warm so we don't use the emergency heat source.

Growing up in Northern Virginia while my dad was stationed at the Pentagon, I used to listen to school closings on snowy mornings and be jealous of Fauquier county as they "always" seemed to be closed. Now, I probably don't remember as much as I think I do ~ especially since I remember many more snowy winters in Virginia, and we have not had much of that lately (ice storms because of the humidity with the cooler weather, but not snow which requires the drier air).

Fauquier County DOES have many back roads and mountainous roads for buses to traverse. With trees on the sides of the roads, icy patches are more evident and dangerous. To this, I would agree. However, with todays' weather I would have expected a possible delay versus a closing. Especially since the kids JUST WENT BACK yesterday. Can you imagine the poor teachers trying to get things started again tomorrow (provided it doesn't ice up again overnight, which is shouldn't according to the weather). We still have Martin Luther King Day holiday, two half days, and two days off this month based upon the school calendar. It will be a choppy month as it is.

Michelle is home today, as well. The Classical Conversations community also closed due to icy possibilities. While she and I are both disappointed, this is probably the best thing since both of her sisters are home and I don't have a sitter available for them. They are making waffles now, and looking forward to another day of play. I desire to get Michelle to do some work, but that will be tough with the other two playing ~ praying for creative ideas as I type this ~ may those who are reading be blessed this day. I hope to get back on track with blogging as I have had lots of great thoughts that were blogged in my head over the past few weeks, just none that actually made it to the computer :-) Happy New Year!

The Power Of God and Prayer

2008-12-15T10:58:00.003-05:00

Okay, this news I recieved a few days ago is TREMENDOUS! I posted this on my facebook right after I recieved it since most of the teens I know over there were aware of the situation. However, I thought I would bring the inspiration to my blog site.

For those who have not ever understood God's incredible provision and the power of prayer, let me give some background.

Several weeks ago we received a pretty desperate prayer request from one of our church members who serves in undercover operations in Afghanistan, among other places. He was asking for prayer for an Afghan who had been covertly working for the US (providing the coordinate locations and such for those pointed missle strikes that occured not long ago) ~This gentleman had completed his work, and was in process of trying to secure passage for himself and his family to the US to become American citizens and leave Afghanistan behind. One morning he was brutally kidnapped by the Taliban in front of his wife and children. They were told that he would be hanged in front of them that evening (as if the kidnapping were not brutal enough).We began praying in earnest that God would cover the Taliban's eyes and ears from uncovering the facts linking this man as an informant.

We prayed He would protect and cover this young man and his family. During the following weeks, we heard of several brutal killings of other members of the resistance who were helping the allies. The US forces could not locate this gentleman, which was good news in some ways, even though it was still tenuous. We did not give up hope within our home and continued to pray, sensing God was still at work in this case...

Here is the email note I just recieved from our church member ~

We recovered XXX, alive! I must admit I had begun to lose hope, the situation was looking very grim, and our attempts to locate and free him had all failed. Until this morning! We have secured his release, and he is now safe with our personnel and his family, back in Afghanistan. He underwent medical evaluation this morning and is in relatively good shape considering the circumstances.

I thank my church family for their prayers during this very trying time. I look forward to telling XXX how my church, as well as other churches here in the USA, prayed for him during this time. I will tell him this personally Sunday when I arrive in Afghanistan. Please remember me in prayers as I leave tonight for Afghanistan, and if all goes well I will return later in the week. Thanks to everyone who lifted my friend up, I really appreciate it! God Bless!

God is soo good, Amen? We should never doubt His faithfulness and provision for those who love Him! Next time you are facing a challenge, remember that He controls all and is in all; we just need to trust that and believe in His goodness...I think that none of my challenges compares to what this gentleman and his family had been going through, so I really have nothing to complain about. :-)

A word I got while praying this past week ~

2008-12-11T16:41:00.003-05:00

A word for the church of the unbelieving ~ repent of your unbelief; hold fast to that which has saved you. Believe and be freed from the demons who seek to destroy.

Arise my soldiers, for there are battles to be won. Step up, stand firm, be bold; this is Our time to shine. Bring forth My truth with My sword. Fear not, for My presence is with you. My time is at hand. I will be soon coming. Are you ready for Me?

Prepare! Arise! Go forth! I ask that you be ready to serve wherever I choose to send you. Many will face enemy camps; do you trust Me? I AM the victor. I will walk beside you. Time is short. Are you Mine to lead?

Do you believe? Trust Me that I may use you fully as I work out My plans. Yes, I have plans to use you for great things. Arise and go forth like the sons and daughters you are. Take My mantle upon you. You are My church; a royal priesthood. Walk in the fullness of My truth and glory. Trust in Me. Be bold, unencumbered by the world in which you live. Arise. I have prepared you for this time. Stand, in Me alone. Be steadfast; stand firm and do not falter. I will preserve you to Me. Arise my anointed. Arise.

Usually when I recieve a word, I pass it to whom it was given for, or I give it to myself to ponder and pray about. However, this one struck me as such a powerful conviction. Are we all unbelievers? I think to some extent we are, but I could be wrong in my impressions of others. I know that I am an unbeliever in many forms. If my heart were fully convicted in belief, I surely would not react to things from a fleshly defense when I am provoked as I would KNOW whose I was, and would not be affected (as a child, I know I was not affected by others when my folks were near; I believed who I was in their eyes)...when I am concerned about something, I go to God but do I fully believe He listens, cares, and desires to answer me? Most of the time yes, but not always. Do I believe He died for me? Yes! Most assuredly. Do I believe He came to set me free? Yes, most assuredly. Do I walk in that truth and trust in His grace and mercy? Not always...

Do I seek His desire for me each day that I might spend the day doing His work and not my own? Not as I believe I could...does that reflect unbelief? I do think it does - if I really were convinced of His authority, power, majesty, holiness, and desire - I mean convinced down to the tips of my toes that this truth never leave the very cells in my body - I would most likely walk differently...more like Paul, perhaps?

I want to BELIEVE with every fiber of my being ~ and now is the perfect time to re-start; during this advent season where we celebrate the Incarnation of Christ on Earth Immanuel ~ God with us...do you believe??

Thanksgiving Adventures; Part 3

2008-12-11T16:17:00.004-05:00

Finally I am returning to blogville! I have been really over-crowded with obligations lately that has had me spinning. When getting off the computer at the end of the day after tidying up home school stuff, I have often played Word Twist (a new game I found on facebook) to "brain down" before bed (rather than typing or thinking about *anything*)...

Anyway, back to the Pride's Thanksgiving Adventures. Boy was it a FUN time. This last entry is just to share my little blessings during our visit. One evening the kids had a performance (each wanted to do something they do well; sing, dance, "air band," piano...Rose was the emcee)

This is always a fun time for the kids to be recognized and uplifted, and for the adults to really enjoy them. We have had this "performance" each time we have been at my dad's ~

We also do an annual dinner out (this year, Mexican - YUMM) as well as many great meals in and lots of provoking, fun, challenging and thoughtful discussions ~ my family loves to chat about things ~ be it political, our culture and the changes, children (a favorite), work (updates), etc... One thing I love is that each is entitled to his or her own opinion without being made to feel badly when disagreements arise. It keeps us all aware of each other's current hearts, which I really enjoy.

There is also usually a trip hiking somewhere (this year it was beautiful, once again. I will post those when my brother sends me the pics; he handed me his camera so I could take some), a trip to the movies (this year was an even split between Madagascar 2 and Bolt), and a trip downtown to their little shops and boutiques (always great for girls shopping needs).

My "baby" sister and I, along with my sister-in-law, were doubly blessed with a "shopping trip" upstairs in my stepmother's spare room, where there are bins upon bins of clothing from her children that she passes on when she knows of a need. My sister needed clothes for her daughter (sizes 18 mos to 24 months), and I needed clothes for Rose (5-6). I came home with clothing that will work for Rose for the next two years. Kari had really worn out a lot of the things in this size that we had (they had been through three to four kids). I was incredibly thankful and Rose was delighted.

One particular memorable part of the visit was our Thanksgiving blessing sharing; each year our family passes around the *mike* to share what we are thankful for ~ starting with the kiddos and moving up to the adults. There is rarely a dry eye among the adults when we are finished, which is sweet and tender ~ especially when much of it has to do with the Lord's provision over the previous year, or His hand in certain circumstances (we are not allowed to repeat what has been said if it is generic ~ e.g. I'm thankful for God). I always love to uplift our Lord this way. Michelle particularly touched my heart this year ~ I am so grateful that her heart is shifting closer to our Father in tangible ways. :-)

So, finally, our delightful matches ~ dominos in the evenings, pool (especially the kids), leaf pile jumping (who can dive in and disappear without effort to cover themselves), football and soccer, and musical twists (who can play this one?)...I am ever so grateful to God for such a loving and fun family ~ He has blessed me beyond measure. Thanks for letting me share. :-)

Hollywood gets involved in Proposition 8

2008-12-04T20:57:00.004-05:00

A little break in the Thanksgiving stories with a news flash:

This video on Prop 8 really was well done, even though it is incredibly mocking of God and Christians, as well as inaccurate biblically, it managed to be totally focused on the truths of our current society (money rules, what we want is what is right in the name of "love")...If the people who wrote it could only see it through the eyes of those who understand God's great love of us and great hatred of all that is unholy...It reminds me where I need to step up my prayers for our country.

Thanksgiving Adventures: part 2 of 3

2008-12-03T16:53:00.002-05:00

So, after my father and step mother drove to and from Des Moines three times in less than twenty four hours to pick up relatives at the airport (two cars each time; one hour each way), we were all grateful to be together in his home. This will likely be our last time celebrating family Thanksgiving in Iowa, so it was nice to have the opportunity to play in the "big house." :-)

Thanksgiving Day was begun with a service at my dad's church. I have to tell you that this service so uplifted my soul and brought worship and joy to my heart that day. It was a fabulous way to start a day of Thanks-giving. All 21 of us attended, which was a delight. The start of the service involved a showing and reading of President Lincoln's message declaring Thanksgiving a holiday. Then video footage was shown of some of the missionaries from the church finally finding water in a well they were helping dig (80 feet, by hand) in Haiti the week prior (Haitian Pastors were worshipping continually in the background as the workers were digging, bucketful by bucketful down the deep, dark, hole). From there we went to scripture and praise songs, with traditional National songs of God's providence being sung as well ("America" as one). I literally experienced God's spirit descend as we began singing praise to Him for all we have in America ~ it brought tears to my eyes (not unusual) while worshiping. It was incredibly lovely and a joy to participate in petitioning God for our nation.

The pastor then gave a message about what it means to give thanks, and what we as Americans should be so grateful for related to how God has provided for us and given us a country of such incredible freedoms. The message ended with a Ray VanderLaan video of students in the dark below-ground caves learning about how the Bible was preserved for us, and an incredible prayer from a gal who had literally watched her family murdered for thier beliefs and had fled her own murder to live in hiding until she came to the U.S...

We are so incredibly blessed in America. And, as this pastor reminded us, exhorted to show how God has blessed us, to reach out and help others not only in our own country, but in many other places in the world, where persecution is rampant and belief in the gospel is likened to a death warrant...

Thank you, Lord, for our blessed American freedom and prosperity like no other. May we stop to reflect upon our founding fathers and the tenets upon which our country was raised. May we turn back to the values of our forefathers, and remember all that You have done for us. To him whom much has been given, much is expected. May we rise up and submit ourselves to You to be used for Your glory ~ Thank You for free churches, denominational freedoms, and our ability to worship without persecution ~ You are truly an AWESOME God.

Thanksgiving Adventures: part 1 of 3

2008-12-01T14:48:00.010-05:00

Wow, we had a terrific time with my family in Iowa this past week. I pray that all who are reading this had wonderful holidays as well!

Our trip started with quite an adventure. I had been anxious about getting us to the airport on time because my ten year old had auditions for her upcoming play at 1:00 p.m. on Tuesday (right after my 4 year old's Thanksgiving party at her school), and we had a flight scheduled out of National Airport at 4:40 p.m. (original time ~ 5 p.m. but it was changed to 4:40 the week prior).

God provided a driver for us (National Airport is not one we usually use because it is next to DC so a longer trip from home, and parking is not as easy, either) which was a terrific blessing, and Michelle's drama instructor had her audition in the first few groups she linked together so she could have an opportunity to participate. My family picked Michelle and I up at drama right at 1:45 p.m., just minutes after she finished auditions. It was incredibly smooth and I was so grateful. We got to the airport in record time, and, because we were dropped off, were at our gate by 3:00 p.m. nearly two hours before flight departure. Since it was a non-stop flight (our first time flying non-stop to my dad's house, another incredible blessing), we were relaxed and refreshed as we waited.

Then we were told there were mechanical issues on our flight; and the flight was scheduled to depart at 6 p.m. "at the earliest" ~ but the kids took it in stride (I have to say, I was quite proud of their behaviors and attitudes). Here are some photos during this time...

We finally boarded around 6:45 or 7:00 (I can't remember), and my dad and stepmom were planning a "late" dinner with us upon arrival (two hour flight, one hour time difference) as my half-sisters were really eager to go eat at Applebees in Des Moines, Iowa. As we got settled, the stewardess announced that we would be taking on extra fuel and would be flying at 10,000 feet only since they did not have the pressure system working in the plane. It would mean some ear discomfort, some coolness, and longer flight (3 hours, 40 minutes) due to headwinds at that level. People were invited to deplane if they were not comfortable with this. We decided to stay on and roll with it. I think we took off close to 8:00 after we were cleared a runway.

Early in the flight, Bo started praying. He told me he smelled electrical burning. He also wondered why it was so hot when it was supposed to be cool. He had noticed that we had passed over an area close to our home not long before, and we wondered why we were going that direction. Shortly after, the stewardess came back out from the pilot and announced that things had gotten worse, and there were some things we needed to understand, but that she was going to let the pilot talk to us to explain it. Okay, that sounded ominous, especially given the strain on her face. I believed we might be crash landing on a belly of the plane or something and started praying with my husband more earnestly that God would give us all coverage and protection as well as illumine anything we needed to know in order to find him. He gave me assurance in my spirit and I sensed Him saying "I am not willing that any shall perish..." I felt much better, remembering that He was in charge.

The pilot got on the intercom and announced that because of mechanical failures, he was unable to keep his instruments lit for the flight and would be landing at Dulles Airport shortly (this is the airport we live closer to). We must have been circling, awaiting clearance to land. We got to the ground at 8:30 p.m. way out on the tarmack. There were no other planes near us, and fire trucks met us there. We got off and then loaded onto a shuttle that awaited us nearby (they didn't even join it with the plane). I am supposing the fear of fire was pretty strong because of all the extra fuel as well. The smell of burnt electrical stuff was pretty powerful as we deplaned. What a blessing we were safe! My kids were not so happy...

Nobody met us at the gate when we entered the airport and we were routed to our baggage claim. While Bo got the luggage I got in line with the airlines to find another flight out; praying God could place the seven of us on one early enough to get to Iowa before late Wednesday. We were blessed to get five guaranteed seats, two standby for an 8 a.m. flight on a partner airline. We were put up in a local hotel (were offered a cab home and back, but I didn't want to put the kids through the drive travel time as well as less sleep)and had a wonderful restful evening and smooth flight through Atlanta the next day, arriving in Iowa around noon their time on Wednesday. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Catching Up

2008-11-23T16:12:00.002-05:00

I have been in catch up mode lately ~ wanting to close out some started projects, books, ideas, etc. I have thoroughly enjoyed "finishing" some things. There is such a great sense of freedom in doing this. In the past two weeks I have "finished" my Christmas (and birthday) shopping for nieces, nephews and sisters (so I can bring things at Thanksgiving and not worry about shipping later), I have "finished" swapping out clothing (both sizes and weather related changes) for all five kiddos, I have "finished" organizing some form of weekly routine that should last for a few more weeks before we need to change some things, and I have "finished" five books that I had started. Hallelujah!

I also finished the Bible, finally, for the first time I have ever pursued this, I have read each and every word. What a tremedous blessing that was ~ I actually recieved more than I had anticipated (I had read most of it over the years, some things over and over, others just once in awhile, but never all of it within a 9 month time frame as this time). I was so tickled by the experience that I decided to try to do the same each year from here forward. I also would like to read the gospels every six months, at least. That is my current goal (in addition to my daily devotions and such). I sense God leading me to a deeper and deeper relationship with Him through His entire Word, not just my favorite books. My heart has responded enthusiastically; I pray that my diligence responds in kind. :-)

The books I completed: Beth Moore's "Daniel" study (I finished the five days I had not completed when I did the study last spring), I tremendously enjoyed this study, and would encourage any lady to pursue it if given the chance; Charles Stanley's "Landmines in the Path of the Believer;" Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Where You are on the way To Where You are Going;" Derek Prince's "Lucifer Exposed;" and Francis Frangipane's "Holiness, Truth and the Presence of God." I totally enjoyed these books, and have submitted myself to finishing some others that I still have at my bedside 1/2 to 3/4 completed. My problem is that I tend to find other books that take my interest and read them quickly, thus short circuiting others I have begun. I have also read (in the interim) three novels by Francine Rivers (she has become a favorite "escape" author for me).

Some quotes I enjoyed from Francis Frangipane's book:
"The Spirit leads us into the presence of Jesus...Jesus taught us that we must be single-minded if we would become full mature sons of light...our 'outer tabernacle' is our soul life; if man is still ruled by circumstances instead of God, his 'outer tabernacle' is still standing...God is not seeking to perfect us but rather our relationship with Jesus. He is our way into the Holy Place...Jesus came to reconcile us to God in the here and now." Amen?

And from Derek Prince's Book "The real distinguishing line between the world and the true church is whether people are lovers of self or whether self has been crucified and they are living for something other than themselves."

I love the encouragement I get from my reading. I pray that you, too, are encouraged. May all have a blessed Thanksgiving and be able to spend time reflecting upon all that God has provided in your lives. Many blessings. :-)

Facebook | Amanda Roe's Photos - Old Pics With Family

2008-11-13T14:52:00.002-05:00

My niece, Amanda, posted some old photos from last year's Christmas gathering at my brother's house on her facebook; they made me laugh in remembering our fun (and looking forward to seeing my delightful family again over Thanksgiving). I got to laughing about this one (I actually startled my husband as I jumped up into his arms in order to give a "fun" photo op while my brother was clicking away with his usual, and much appreciated, posing the families photos). My girls were not surprised, but Madeline who doesn't get around me as often was not yet aware, and Bo was still catching up. I guess that makes me a bit challenging in my spontanaity ;-)

Good Intentions

2008-11-06T13:52:00.002-05:00

This really spoke to me (my current challenge in the mornings) when I read it this morning (got it from AOP where I ordered my science curriculum) ;-)

Thursday, November 06, 2008

"Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread" (Proverbs 20:13).

Another morning was getting away from me. I knew I should have gotten up early when I heard the alarm clock, but the covers felt so good on this crisp, fall morning. Certainly God wouldn't mind if I prayed to Him while lying down under the blankets. As I began my prayers, I felt my body start to drift. Shaking off the sleep, I started once again but the sleepiness came back. An entire hour later, I was still in bed. I was late to start homeschooling my children and knew I would be playing "catch up" for the rest of the day without God's strength or guidance.

Peter, James, and John lost the same battle of sleep when Jesus asked them to pray in the Garden of Gethsemane. Three times the Lord asked them to pray, and three times they fell asleep and heard His words, "What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:40b-41). Falling asleep when Jesus needed them most, the disciples certainly failed.

Do you have good intentions to have a quiet time with the Lord each morning? Good intentions are not enough! Satan loves to tempt us to listen to the desires of our flesh and miss our devotions. Without the Holy Spirit's empowering, we, too, will fail in our attempts to walk with the Lord, as well as in our efforts to homeschool. Don't be like the disciples or the foolish virgins in Matthew 25:1-13 who fell asleep waiting for the bridegroom. Stay alert and offer the prayers and worship to the Lord that is due Him. "Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man" (Proverbs 24:33-34).

Jesus, forgive me for being lazy in my efforts to come to You each day. I recognize the importance of Your sweet fellowship and recommit my life to You today. In Your name, Amen.

Election Today

2008-11-04T22:10:00.003-05:00

So, it is 10:10 p.m. and it would appear that Barack Obama will soon be President. He is smooth in many ways, and he does have some amazing ideas. However, I am still very saddened by this apparent historic shift in our Country. It would appear we are on the path of self-destruction, which we have been dancing around for many years despite some efforts to bring us back to center.

Lest this get too woeful, I am not fearful that our Country is out of the hands of our ever present, ever loving and ever just and merciful God and Father. I voted this morning, and as I left the polls I was filled with a heavy spirit. I began to cry without provocation from thought or mental murmurings...it was purely spiritual. At that point in the day, I had an inkling about God's plan and purpose. I didn't want to believe that this was what He was showing me, but I had a "knowing" that was quite powerful; in recent days of prayer, I have been clearly shown His heart toward our choices as a Country ~ myself being a person who is included in having made choices that do not include His best and His will...

Have we fallen so far away from what is pure and lovely and right? Do we miss the assurance and comfort of absolutes at all? We are so selfish; desiring a knight in shining armour to give to us more and more wealth and privilege when we already have SO MUCH as a Country. As someone mentioned in our home fellowship group this evening - many, many people continue to try to enter the USA to become citizens or even illegal aliens; very few seek to leave because they can't have what they desire. We are a democracy with freedoms untold. Foreign visitors have even commented upon the differences between McCain and Obama; Obama with the smooth speaking and lofty promises being seen through more easily when coming in from the outside. Is McCain so much better than Obama? Not on several platforms, however, we had a choice to preserve the sanctity of family and life or perserve the desire to feed moral relativism, and we, as a Country, appear to have chosen the latter.

God is good and just, He will allow us to eventually reap consequences of our choices. I will stand in support of our elected President as I fully believe it is my duty in honor of God's call upon my life. Our Lord sets up kings and deposes them (Daniel) ~ He is in control, this I do know. Praise Him that He is sovereign! However, I may not enjoy what happens as we continue to evolve as a Nation.

May we as a Nation grow closer to our roots of knowing, believing, and trusting in our Lord and Savior instead of ourselves. May this change in government be a catalyst that drives us to our knees in search of a true Savior and real life instead of self-government and self-gratification. May our nation finally shift from our indulgences of "I am and there is none besides me" to "We are, by the Grace of God alone, and may we ever be..." May we come to reclaim our Founding Fathers' platform of God's sovereignty, seeking a government with character and integrity that trusts God to provide for our every need in liberty...

God, please Bless America. Show me how to stand in support, through kneeling in prayerful petition daily that Your will be done ~ first in me, but then rippling out person by person, state by state, Country by Country; on earth as it is in heaven. Praise You from whom all blessings flow ~ Amen.

What was given today in our Classical Conversations class, which uplifted me as I entered with my spiritually saddened heart:

Top Ten Predictions - No Matter Who Wins the Election

1) The Bible will still have all the answers
2) Prayer will still work
3) The Holy Spirit will still move
4) God will still inhabit the praises of His people (and we will still have reason to praise!)
5) There will still be God anointed preaching
6) There will still be singing of praises to God!!
7) God will still pour out His blessings upon His people
8) There will still be room on the Cross for you
9) Jesus will still love you
10) Jesus will still save the lost if they turn to Him

ISN"T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS IN CONTROL?!!! Hallelujah!!!

What Am I Thankful For?

2008-11-01T15:53:00.003-04:00

Last Sunday my husband came home and told me that our pastor had encouraged us to set aside time to reflect on what we were thankful for (I was teaching Sunday School so missed the sermon; it was the last on a series on the Ten Commandments).

Tuesday morning during my very early devotionals (God work me early Tuesday for some intensive hours of prayer), I decided it was the perfect quiet time to reflect and journal.

I had written five pages in my journal before my children began trickling in the room for our morning bible time. I could have gone one for much longer...God is so amazing. We have been blessed beyond measure. To sit and think about all that God has given me was a powerful time...so many things I don't consider gifts, that are truly gifts from Him, came to mind. My home and food and electricity and water are all blessed to me from Him. I could be poor in the US and unable to afford much of what I have; I could have been born into a country where these things do not exist (though perhaps I would actually experience richness more, then...). The beauty of His creation from tiny fieldmice who are out in droves currently, to the large elephants who can paint self-potraits....Our very breath and health belong to God our Creator. Ruach (from what I recall) is our life. Praise Him!

God Is So Generous!

2008-10-28T12:15:00.001-04:00

I have been blessed by God in so many ways lately, I thought I would post three -
He blessed me personally last week when I was going to Michelle's field trip; we were running late (a bit of the story of my life these days...) to drop Rose off at preschool before getting on the road, and I noticed I had a yellow light on my dash (e.g. on reserve gasoline). I decided that I really couldn't get to the event, return to pick up Rose from a friend's house (who had graciously agreed to get her from school since we would not be back yet) and then get gasoline, so I pulled into a station adjacent to the preschool. As I reached for my purse, I realized I had left it at home mistake number two :-)...

Noticing the time growing even later (and the plan to be broken up into groups to tour this place, so needing to be timely upon arrival), I sent up a quick prayer to God asking Him to turn fumes into gasoline for me for the day. He so wonderfully provided; my dear Savior and King allowed us not only to arrive on time (amazingly, with two minutes to spare), but to pick Rose up afterward, drive home from there to get my purse, and then return out to a gas station without fail. The guage stayed on orange but did not sputter out. I was so thankful for His mercy.

He blessed me corporately at church this week. Our church has, as a whole, been fully blessed with the weather on Sundays. We have been meeting at our local fairgrounds, and Sunday school classes for Kindergarten through fifth grade have been flanking the building. We have not had a bad Sunday. Last week, it was quite cool, and my husband and his helper needed to move the kids from our class (4th/5th graders) to the sunny side of the building where the younger classes were located. However, it went well. This past weekend we had extremely cold weather on Friday (I was freezing indoors, even), and then cold and very wet/rainy all day on Saturday. Praying for Sunday's weather (and it was my turn to teach), I was incredibly grateful and blessed ~ not only did we not have it too cold, but it actually ended up getting up to 70 degrees later Sunday. It was a fabulous day for outside Sunday school. Next week is our last week outside before we move back to an indoor venue God has graciously provided once again. Is He cool or what?!

Finally, He blessed me in my community when I was driving to the grocery store around six p.m. Saturday evening. As I rounded a corner I was struck with the most AMAZING sight I have ever seen. I would have given anything to have had a camera in my van. The beauty of His creation was breathtaking at the least ~ it overhwelmed me. I would have pulled over if there were a shoulder and just basked in His glory. I was thanking and praising Him for hours beyond. The sky had stopped raining, but the gray clouds were still pretty full. The sun was setting, and it was as if it shot through a veil of light between the dark clouds and the dark ground (I was driving on a back windy road among many tall trees). The colors of autumn (which are beautiful here in Virginia by any measure), coupled with shimmering sparkle of the leaves glistening from the rain, added to by the contrast of light and dark between the tops of the trees and the bottoms (due to the angle of the light hitting them) was absolutely stunning.
I was loudly praising Him for His glorious work in my car as I continued on, lest a car behind me clobber me with how I had slowed down to soak it in.

Oh Lord, How majestic is Your name in all the earth! Thank You, most precious Father, for all the gifts You give. :-)

2008-10-27T10:54:00.003-04:00

Dutch Sheet's request for Prayer ~ RE: Election 2008

2008-10-25T15:18:00.001-04:00

From Dutch Sheets:
"Due to IRS rules, this letter is from me personally and is not from any of the ministries I am associated with. (Also because of IRS rules, I cannot send it to my ministry database and therefore need your help in getting it out.) Do with it as you see fit, but my desire is that you forward it to as many praying friends as possible."

October 20, 2008
Dear Praying Friend,
In 2000, I wrote the 2nd most important letter of my life—a call to prayer for the elections of that year. I’m now writing what may be my most important letter. I knew the importance of those elections in 2000 was beyond any in my life up to that point and that the spiritual warfare surrounding them would be unlike anything any of us had ever seen. That letter was read by millions of people and I believe millions of them responded by praying. I also believe the prayers turned the tide.

You may question whether President Bush was the right choice; obviously, he has made some blunders in his tenure as president. But two of his decisions alone left no doubt he was God’s choice: Roberts and Alito. These two Supreme Court Justices have proven critical in the process of breaking the hold of humanism, death and anti-God agendas that have ruled the Court for 50 years. I assure you that more devastation—the shedding of innocent blood, immorality, decay of the family and an erosion of our godly heritage—has flowed into our nation through that institution than any other door in America. Many times more. The poison allowed into America through their decisions is beyond any of our abilities to articulate. The reality in America is that you don’t need to control Congress or the White Hose to rule the nation. You only need 5 people – 5 out of 9 on the Supreme Court. And for decades those who disagree with just about everything you and I stand for have been in control!

In Bush’s two terms, the process of turning this around began with the appointments of Roberts and Alito. Now, we win some cases 5-4 and lose some 4-5. (We barely outlawed partial birth abortion. The vote of one judge saved thousands of babies from this horror.) We need one more conservative Justice for a consistent majority, then more to build a strong majority.

In Obama’s own words, "the next president will appoint at least one, perhaps two or more Supreme Court Justices." He’s right. Almost certainly two or more older, liberal Justices are waiting until after the elections to retire, in hopes of Obama winning and appointing more liberals to replace them. And he certainly would. He voted against the confirmation of Roberts and Alito. So did Biden. And Biden led the fight against Justice Thomas several years back, another of the 4 solid conservatives. Make no mistake about it, the two of them do have a litmus test for Supreme Court Justices, and a major part of that test is Roe vs. Wade. McCain and Palin, on the other hand, both have very strong pro-life positions. This alone makes the choice for President simple. To vote for the 2nd and 3rd most liberal senators (Obama and Biden), both of whom are firmly and blatantly proabortion, would be unconscionable.

Obama has actually said that if he wins, he would like his first action as president to be the signing of the Freedom of Choice Act, which would eliminate every other law against any aspect of abortion (partial birth abortion, parental notification, etc., etc.). And with a democratic majority in the House and Senate, pretty much any legislation he and Biden want to pass will be a slam-dunk. There are many other unrighteous positions they hold but this position alone makes the choice easy. If they win this election, it will set America back decades in the cause of life and the restoration we seek.

Just as many of you do, I too, want to see a first black President, but not Senator Obama. To allow that noble and godly desire, the economy or one’s position on the war to trump this issue of life and death for the innocent unborn is simply wrong. The scriptures teach that if we choose first to exalt righteousness and turn from evil, God promises to heal our land (see Proverbs 14:34; 2 Chronicles 7:14).

It is righteousness that exalts a nation, not wealth, prosperity or armies. If we will finish the process of removing the curses of death and anti-God laws off of America by electing a president that will continue to shift the Court, God will grace us with breakthrough in other areas such as the economy, the war against terrorism, etc. My faith is not in a person, and certainly not a political party, for the healing of America , but I know God’s word and His ways well enough to know that our decisions do move Him to action or inaction.

Now to the heart of my reason for writing this letter (I realize I am "preaching to the choir"—most of you who know or listen to me are conservative enough to vote for McCain and Palin.)

I have not written any appeals for prayer concerning this election because:
1) others have, and
2) I believe our movement has matured to the point that the prayer base of the Church is already praying.
But I now feel the need to raise my voice. I am appealing to you to pray for these elections the next two weeks like you’ve never prayed for any in the past. Faithfully. Passionately. Boldly. Ask God for His mercy and grace.

We deserve His judgment for removing His influence and authority from our government, schools, homes and businesses; for the killing of 50 million babies; for leading the world in the consumption and exporting of pornography; for passing laws to reject His; etc. But mercy triumphs over judgment and in His wrath He remembers mercy. In 2000 we actually lost the popular vote and won the election—talk about grace! Please pray for this grace to be released again.

But I am also asking you for something more than normal prayer. For those of you who understand spiritual warfare, I am asking you to also include this aspect of prayer. There is no doubt that we have entered a Daniel 10 moment in time: "Then he said to me, ‘Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, I have come in response to your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia was withstanding me for twenty-one days; then behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left there with the kings of Persia’" (Daniel 10: 12-13 NAS). The spiritual warfare in this election is incredibly fierce, and just as it was in Daniel’s day, is all about the restoration of a nation. And also like Daniel, we must keep praying until we win the battle in the heavens.

In August of this year I predicted that September would mark a shift in momentum for these elections. This happened with the appointment of Sarah Palin as the Vice Presidential nominee (who is a true Esther in our generation), but when the economy began its meltdown and the media ramped up their unprecedented attacks on Palin, that momentum wasn’t sustained. But we can see it turn again if we approach this battle as the spiritual warfare it truly is and bind the evil forces involved (see Matthew 16:18-19). The reality is that this election can be the breakthrough we need to fully shift the Court (and ultimately our nation) or it will be an immeasurable setback that could take many years to reverse—if ever.

Please understand what I am saying: if we engage in this battle and do what I am asking—in mass—we will win; if we do not, we will lose. I, for one, don’t intend to allow the latter. I am in Washington , D.C. now (October 20-22) with Lou Engle and a team of prayer leaders from around the nation to war for this election. Join us! Lose some sleep, miss some meals—pray! Pray like never before for these elections. And as you do, involve yourself not only in petitioning prayer but also in spiritual warfare. Use your God-given authority over the plans and strategies of satan’s kingdom. Bind all witchcraft that is working to control the outcome, including occultic powers that are suppressing truth. Release Christ’s Kingdom rule in every way the Holy Spirit leads you.

Don’t be deceived and don’t lose hope (if you have to, turn off the TV.) It is not too late to turn these elections. God is plenty powerful enough to do so. The real question is will we rise to the level of prayer and spiritual warfare necessary to release that power. And remember, we don’t need a majority of Christians who are willing and able to do this—only a praying remnant. We can do it!

Here are some practical suggestions to consider:
1) Fast (a meal a day; a day a week; a Daniel fast; 3 days; 10 days; TV; etc.) and spend the time praying.
2) Agree in prayer with someone everyday for God’s will to be done.
3) Form/participate in prayer groups regularly. Churches could pray everyday.
4) Take time in every gathering to pray. (Take 15 minutes in every service to pray for the elections. Turn an entire service to harp and bowl style intercession—worship and prayer combined.)
5) Join 2 or more on a conference call and pray for 15, 20, or 30 minutes.
6) Pray on the way to work (and on the way home).
7) Pray before you go to sleep.
8) Pray before church services.
9) Ask God to give you His strategy—He will!
In His grip,
Dutch Sheets

Reflection

2008-10-18T21:10:00.002-04:00

In the morning, Friday, I thought this was a great photo op of what patience in waiting looks like...

Then in the evening, God gave us some glorious colors...

I now know what I was noticing; the fleeting beauty of life.

Russell died last night... Praise God for His ever loving kindness and mercy that the illness was not dragged on for long...may He wrap His arms around my girlfriend, her daughter, and her son as they mourn the loss of their husband and father. God bless and keep them ~ He is Love.

Stirrings

2008-10-16T10:27:00.002-04:00

I have been recieving stirrings in my heart - stirrings calling me to a deeper intimacy with our LORD, stirrings calling me to a deeper faith and trust, stirrings calling me to release even more than what I had done ~ I love the stirrings as they show me how wonderful and true God is, and how much He desires our total selves, they are often bittersweet, as there is frequently pain involved in the surrender of our desires and hearts.

I am struggling right now with my desire to support my girlfriend. Her husband is dying ~ Cancer is the culprit. (ooh, God just gave me such beautiful sunlight streaming in through the window in front of me as I typed that...). I have walked side by side with friends as they have cared for dying parents and then gone to the graveside ~ that was hard but not such a challenge (relatively speaking, here). I have had the unfortunate privilege to comfort and care for friends who unexpectedly lost a child to tragedy...that was much more difficult, but somehow I had a comfort/understanding with how I could be of support and surround them with God's love. Today I continue to sit in abject helplessness as I watch one of my dearest friends continue to nurse her husband through his unexpected, rapid downhill progression. Though this is, in many respects, the epitome of God's grace and mercy (to not drag out the pain and illness), my heart rails against the unfairness of it all in human eyes. It breaks for my girlfriend, for her children, and for her husband as well.

Glory to God that this is a bitter-sweet time, as he has recently embraced the Lord wholeheartedly after years of riding the fence (in April he shifted, it was evident). My girlfriend is at peace in many ways, Praise the Lord for the peace that passes understanding, but she is also struggling with her grief and overwhelment. She longs to make things better for him, even as she understands and accepts that she cannot ~ to get back to the "normal" that once was between them. She seeks God desperately to not be crushed by the emerging dementia when, at times, he cannot communicate with nor recognize his loved ones...once a strong mountain of a man, now reduced to dependency, meekness, and discomfort ~ but oh, the love he is showing and recieving is worth far more than gold...

His oldest daughter, now 23, is one whom I loved and encouraged through high school and whom I continue to be quite close with; she often came to me for another sounding board when mom "didn't get it," (though she is very close with her mom I actually pray that my kids and I will have such a close relationship through their lives). She has allowed herself to be pulled away from the Lord over the past several years; once quite passionate about her beliefs, and convicted in God's Love, she has become eroded with our culture, and though still loving the Lord and trusts Him with her dad, is missing the intimacy of trusting Him with herself. Oh, how I wish I could give her the words to prompt her to turn back to be with Him...to let go of the lies of our world and embrace the truth of His heavenly realm. Her mom called her in Georgia last Wednesday and told her that unexpectedly her dad, barring a miracle, would not be around for Thanksgiving (they were expecting him to live through the holidays, at the very least, according to the prognosis given in August when he was diagnosed). She drove home the next day - took a leave of absence from work for 11 days, and dropped all of her college classes except the two she could take online. What do you say to a child who is still not fully reconciled with her needs from her father (either father...earthly or God)....She is avoiding dealing with her feelings and thoughts and "taking charge" as is her tendency...who can blame her...how do we give comfort to a child who cannot recieve it...Oh, Lord, hold her close to You and draw her heart into yours that hers might be comforted and at peace.

Their other child is a son ~ born of other parents, fostered from the age of 3 to 4 1/2, then adopted into the family. He has many special needs which have been loved through and dealt with over the years. He desperately needs a dad's love ~ I know that Abba/Daddy is our all sufficient One, I also know that He can mend all hearts and work all things for His glory ~ but I am so heartbroken for this young man, my daughter's dear friend, who was beginning to thrive under the love and care of such a kind and giving family. My mind asks "Why?" This summer as they were pursuing diagnosis and struggling to find out what exactly was going on (the illness all began in May), I was certain that God in His infinite love and mercy would not be allowing a terminal illness of the father into the life of this tender and broken young man...I was wrong, and continue to struggle with reconciling my belief that God will heal the Cancer because He would not allow so much tragedy into one person's life so young with the obvious direction of his illness..Nothing wrong with believing for a miracle, but how do I support this family in the face of grim and difficult reality?...Love ~ this is the answer, and there are so many faces to share...

Oh, Lord, most Sovereign and Holy God. Anoint me with Your Oil of gladness, may I overflow with Your lovingkindness and compassion...make me Your hands and feet for this family whom I love. Show me Your way, illumine to me their needs and how I can be Your hands to meet them. Oh, Lord, lift this sadness from my spirit that I might bless those whose sadness is immeasurable. Show me how to be a friend in a circumstance where I feel helpless ~ and in your tender mercy, please give light to their path, rest to their spirits, and divine timing to this process that none should suffer too long ~ in His name, I pray. Amen.

Something to Consider

2008-10-09T20:52:00.002-04:00

This email was part of a group I belong to with the home school community. I found it to be compelling and stirring. I wanted to share. If "pro choice" exists, shouldn't the choice be free up until the last moment? How hard hearted the people who work in these clinics must be if they continue to press forward rather than continue to offer an alternative choice...

I once was not so aware of the sanctity of life. I can understand those who are in the darkness. I praise God and thank Him that I am no longer confused about this very important issue because He has shown me clearly how ALL are important to Him ~ this is sobering, perhaps it will lead you to move in a way of prayer or otherwise...but at least it should stir your soul...

A Field of Tears<http://www.remnantnewspaper.com/images/fleur_s.gif> Who Weeps for the Victims of Abortion? Daniel A. Fix GUEST COLUMNIST, Nebraska <http://www.remnantnewspaper.com/images/baby1.jpg>(www.RemnantNewspaper.com)

This morning I arose at 5:00 a.m. for the purpose of praying the Rosary at the local Planned Parenthood aborting clinic. I'm not much of a regular at the clinic but I decided to contribute to a local effort supported by the Lincoln Diocese. I was filling a time slot assigned to St. Francis of Assisi Traditional Latin Mass Community.

I had gone before, usually around midnight during lent, when the clinic's gruesome"business" was not being conducted and all was more or less quiet. This morning was different. When I arrived it was cool and pitch dark outside, save for one lone streetlight. I began my watch in silence and prayer as I walked along the sidewalk outside the clinic gates. On the inside, a man was performing quite different tasks. He had grey hair and he wore a vest that read"Planned Parenthood Escort". He was about 70 years old. We didn'tacknowledge one another, although both were aware of the other's presence.

I went about my business of prayer and he went about his of preparing the clinic for another day of "business". Mine, I pray, was a labor born of love; his, whether he knew it or not, was a labor born out of diabolical distortion of the notion of freedom.

In the grass just outside the clinic gate I could see countless drops of dew reflecting the light cast by a lone street lamp in the predawn darkness.They resembled tears. But whose? Perhaps those who had been, and would be, forever denied the sight of their own mothers' faces or robbed of the hope of seeing God's. Maybe they were intermixed with the tears of Angels who would this day lose their little charges to the clinic's deadly "business". Another "escort" appeared -a grandmotherly figure, who busied herself markingthe clinic entrance with signs giving words of welcome in three languages. They hung a large tarp above a fence so that their "clients" might not see the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the roof next door.

They had to make certain everything was in order, for this was not just another day of doling out contraceptives and "educational" material. No, today the doctor was coming and the real work would be done. Mothers would pass through the clinic gates with new life in their wombs only to exit them with wombs violated and life snuffed out. There would be "procedures"carried out by skillful hands today. Never mind that hearts would be broken, lives would end, and souls would be imperiled. Again, those glistening tears in the grass -to whom did they belong? Maybe to all those mothers, fathers and grandparents who'd left behind the slaughtered remains of their own flesh and blood, realizing too late they'd been deceived by the Father of Lies. There in the darkness I could only imagine.

Soon, others arrived in support of the cause of life. Banners and signs were erected and more Rosaries prayed. There were familiar exchanges and greetings between veteran adversaries in this battle that's been going onfor so many years. As we waited and prayed, one gentleman committed the "offense" of resting his sign against a tree for a moment as he rubbed his hands together for warmth against the cold. An observant official marched the entire distance of the clinic grounds to give him a stern warning. It was the clinic's tree and thus a violation of the clinic's property rights! The "offender" said nothing, just picked up his sign and continued to pray. It seemed that all of the escorts and workers for the clinic were advanced in years. It was sad to think that these souls, so obviously nearing their own particular judgments, would evidently remain determined to continue in the trade of death right up to the end. Again the tears in the grass outside the gate -whose were they? Perhaps those of Angels Guardian, whose aged charges went about the clinic's work in ignorance or defiance of the coming judgment of their God.

The sky was growing light and the preparations nearly complete. The real business was about to start. A car approached the clinic gate. On each sideof the gate stood a female escort, holding a sign of welcome in one hand anda cup of coffee in the other. A few pro-life folks tried to talk to the new arrivals, to plead the cause of life. Attempts were made to provide literature, but the workers were determined to see those frustrated. They shouted at the driver, ordering him to drive forward into the parking lot.In raised voices, they instructed their hesitant clients not to stop and not to open the windows. The driver complied and sped through the gates. But the battle was not quite over. A young man on our side of the fence spoke to the young lady as she emerged from the car wearing a backpack and an uncertain look. In those last precious moments of her baby's life, he pleaded with the young mother that it was not too late and that the baby could still be saved. But the clinic workers drowned out the young man's voice using what sounded like gas-powered leaf blowers.

The young woman was whisked away by escorts behind the clinic door. Her "brave" driver made his getaway speedily back through the gates. Other"clients" were waiting.That was it! It was over so quickly! In sadness, I again thought of those teardrops in the grass. Maybe this time the Creator of us all had joined His tears to that field of them outside the abortion clinic gate.The sun lifted high into the morning sky but my heart sank at the realization of imminent defeat. Inside, a baby would die in a few moments. More Rosaries were prayed. The escorts seemed unaffected by any of it, and happily chatted and laughed away. One even mildly mocked the young man whose pleas had been blown away.

Their shop talk was interrupted by the arrival of yet another car at thegate. The escorts sprang into action. This time there was little delay as the vehicle's driver passed through the gates without slowing down. Again, the through-the-fence pleas of the young man were squelched by leafblowers. The woman was rushed inside. This is a job better done without deliberation or reflection. I was stunned by the mechanical efficiency of it all.

I thought of my own little girl still asleep at home in her bed, surroundedby warm blankets or perhaps her mother's embrace. In a few moments, she'd wake up in peace, warmth, and security. But here at the gates of this place, a real life nightmare was unfolding before my eyes as at least two little ones still in the embrace of their mothers' wombs were having awakenings of another sort. There would be no peace, no warmth, and no security for them this morning-just the sensations of things too horrible to ponder. And yet no one would be there to hold the little hands, hear the silent screams, or wipe away the tears. I looked down at the field of tears in the grass before me just then. Earlier, I had wondered whose they might be. Now I knew for certain that at least some of them belonged to me.God help us, what have we done!

Chalk Fun

2008-10-02T19:11:00.004-04:00

Up until a couple of days ago it has been beautiful weather here; my kids have been having a blast with our chalk; here are some of their creations... (the last one was taken just before the rain washed them away...my oldest wanted to make sure we got a picture of it, too)

Workings and stirrings

2008-10-01T22:42:00.006-04:00

Have you ever had a sense that God was working out a lot of "things" in your life, but you weren't sure about always wanting to be on the ride ~ I have days where I am so totally in love with our Lord and Saviour that I cannot even begin to see anything that I mind with the challenges I face as my faith is strong and sure. Other days I can doubt my very belief structure, thinking "surely I have missed something here" (regarding what God wants me to be doing or not doing) as I press in and seek Him.

God has been training me; a proving ground of faith and trusting. I am growing in my peace and joy despite outward circumstances, but also questioning Him many steps along the way. I sense Him letting me stay in the desert at times to see if I trust His presence despite the lack of constant assurances - to build me for another time (perhaps where there are even more challenges?...)

I have a great heart for my friends, and it goes out to them often when they are struggling. I can awaken in prayer need, and often have different people come to mind throughout the day. I currently have many close to me who are suffering from the effects of significant illness in their families ~ one whose husband has been given very little hope for lviing beyond six months (and truly will take a miracle in the next few months if God intends him to live on), one who has a sister who is dying of brain CA (with two small kids at home, single parent) and again has been given "20% chance" at survival...my dad has prostate cancer (though not aggressive); God has given me assurance here, but still it calls for prayer and some attention, one whose daughter is struggling with health issues the doctors are trying to discern (she is my "first born" god daughter; fourteen now), a nephew who continues with challenges that are not yet resolved in his mind/body and my sister is drained, a friend having exploratory surgery this week for some possible heart concerns...I have found myself remarkably peaceful during this time and not worried about the outcomes, though I continue to pray. It is such a sense of freedom and definite shows my growth in trust.

Additionally, we have been stretched to a very deep level with our finances, and at this time of stretching, things keep breaking that could use replacement (tires on the car, electronics in the house...). I was going through a significant time of heartache on Sunday when trying to catch up the bills (and looking at how to pay some licensure fees, car taxes, etc. when I wasn't sure we had enough to pay our normal bills). We have had some recent decrease in income as well as unexpected high bills well beyond where we prefer to spend which also required stretching of our credit card in a way we don't usually do (as we prefer to use it only for airlines and such); but as I pressed in and pressed on, I was filled with peaceful assurance and realized again that God, as always, is faithful. He even showed me how Awesome He was by working out the car taxes ~ as if our budget were different ~ and I was able to creatively pay both sets from our checking account. Unbelievable by most standards (and could have easily been missed had He not shown me)...Our God is an Awesome God...

Yes, we are in debt, but not beyond what He foreknew and expected. He has a plan for us to recover, it is just not easily visible as to how it will work, but I KNOW without a doubt we will be debt free again within a few months. We are so much better off than the feelings I experienced as I started to allow my mind to wander. I have a tendency to want to give to so many things, (which I continued to do freely this month, when I felt God leading me to) but am much more aware of where we must remain in discipline right now. God provides for all things, and I submit to Him for knowing what and when. When I look at what is "real" and "true" in our lives, I recognize that I am nuts to even have any doubt or concern; He is in control of our needs. I took my eyes off the truth and placed them upon the world once more; gratefully, He has restored my vision.

My behaviors toward my kids have been a good ground for training as well; I have been convicted so much lately when acting in ways that are "ungodly" toward them; the question about whether I will let things go, esolve to not become frustrated with certain provocations, disrespectful behaviors, slovenly approaches to things, etc looms clear during my days interactions...I was encouraged when a new friend stated to me the other day "You are remarkably uncontrolling, I love it! I want to live here as a kid" when she observed an interaction that apparently would have driven her nuts and been an "immediate no" in her mind...I thank God that He was answering my call for assurance that I was loving my kids with a heart postured toward His. I thank God that He continues to work in me to mold me to a more grace-filled exhorting parent who maintains boundaries but not wrong expectations (after all, I still don't get it right with God, right??!). I need His help in this big time.

Oh, I am so blessed to know a Creator who loves me enough to not leave me as I am...who knows me so well that He knows how to bring the mud up from my heart and continue to cleanse me from the impurities of idolatry...and I am so incredibly humbled to see how far I have come, and yet how far I still have to go. Praise God for His patience with me! I am every so grateful.

This is a "Gotta See"

2008-09-27T21:29:00.001-04:00

Celebration of a Life Well Lived

2008-09-27T21:06:00.003-04:00

I was so privileged to attend a dear friend's mother's wake last night in Washington, DC. This woman lived to be 80 years old, was the eldest of 9 siblings, and mother and grandmother to many. Each of her children have achieved great things ~ not only in society's eyes related to education and application of that, but in what they have born from the fruit of her labors.

Isabelle Eugenia Simpson Cooper Norris ~ a woman of many names and wearer of many hats. Her wake was a three hour tribute of worship to God and reflection of her life and legacy. It was truly amazing, and a dear blessing to hear each of the tributes from those she had touched and labored alongside with for the Lord. Each person who spoke, acknowledged "Mommie's" deep reverence for God and love of service - of pouring herself out to those she knew and those whom she cared about. Compassion and Love were her middle names from what I could surmise. Even the meditation given by the pastor was about LOVE ~ he stated that as he was preparing the message, he had anticipated using verses from Psalms as he usually does, but the scripture in 1 John 4:7-8 was strong on his heart "7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." He then exhorted us to take the example set before us, run the race God has laid out for us, and consider this most important component.

Oh, I am so blessed to share a relationship with a daughter of hers who lives her mother's legacy well. I am so thankful to have been able to participate in this memory sharing time, to learn and be inspired by another of the quiet Saints who have gone on before me. May God be blessed as He welcomes her home ~ with a strong "Well done, My good and faithful servant." Hallelujah.

Counting my blessings...

2008-09-24T22:33:00.004-04:00

God has been bathing me in His goodness much lately, and I wanted to share some of the joys ~

1) First and foremost, I LOVE homeschooling. I feel so incredibly blessed, privileged and grateful for this time and opportunity. It is my daily prayer that I grow in grace and wisdom as I tend to my daughter's educational and emotional needs.

2) I have been lamenting lack of exercise. I grew up playing soccer (from six to 36 years old, several times per week; with some other sports thrown in in high school), and I miss regular exercise. I quit the gym when Michelle was a baby because of schedule needs and finances, I quit soccer when Kari was a baby because of babysitting needs and location, and I have been hopelessly inept at self-discipline for home exercise...though my intentions have always been good. In the recent weeks I had been praying that God would give me something for exercise...and He did! I started walking with my neighbor several mornings per week - as soon as Kari gets on the bus I walk down to her house (it is about seven houses away) where she is waiting, having put her son on the bus just after my daughter. We walk in the brisk morning air around the neighborhood. Our first "loop" was .7 miles (the first week). This week we have found one that is 1.7 miles. Oooh, I am blessed for the friendship, the time in fresh air, and the spring to my step that feels so good!

3) I have been desiring to take another class for years (I always love learning). I quit the programs I was involved in when I remarried because of needs at home, and had not had the time nor opportunity that worked since then for anything formal except Bible studies (which have been terrific). I still wanted something a bit more directed, and God sent something my way unexpectedly a few weeks ago. Though it is a short online course (nine weeks, I am in week three), I am so blessed to be studying with others and expanding once more in a class setting that I have been quite grateful.

4) I have been praying that God would use me to serve others; I have felt that I've been so out of touch with the joy of pouring out that I used to do so frequently and naturally. I have felt blocked from what I usually experience as free flow, and it has been disheartening...but God has recently shown me ways that I have been used to serve Him through service to some of my dear friends who are hurting/struggling/suffering for various reasons during this season in their lives. Thank YOU, Lord, that You are still choosing to use me, I am blessed!

5) I am delighting in noticing my children seeking God's truths and growing in His ways. Every time I feel that I am a complete failure in pointing them in the correct direction of dependence, faith and love, I see a glimmer of Him in one of their actions, comments, or questions which shows me that we are still on track. Oh, how the grace of that washes over me. I am ever so thankful to Him for allowing me the privilege of shepherding these young people, as well as for encouraging me with illumination of truth when I stumble or give way to fear/worry.

6) I have been feeling somewhat lonely as of late, and since that time began, my cats have become delightful companions. They used to go outside more often, but they have come and snuggled with me or laid near me in the evenings and mornings when I have been reading and resting. I have relished their comfort and sharing.

7) Last December I decided that I was going to read through the Bible, being sure not to miss a single word. I had definitely read most of it over the years, some over and over, but I sensed that I was missing some and felt a strong, albeit daunting, desire to assure myself that I could read His entire message to me. I got one of those "read the Bible in a year" checklists, and began checking (no, I didn't follow it ~ I can't read that way). I am now on my last two books; half-way through the second to last, and so thrilled that I have persevered. I am eager to begin anew with the checklist, as I want to try to do this every year (I still read the words that He is speaking to me or that I need, but I also just take time to make sure I am listening to all of it, and seek a "new book" when I am doing a devotion without forethought). I have been so blessed by this experience as well. What a pleasure it has been ~ and how He has met me throughout the time.

So, life is providing great opportunity for me to see His hand pouring out blessings in my life. I pray the same is true for you. :-)

Fall is in the air

2008-09-20T20:45:00.005-04:00

I LOVE fall. I was so blessed the other day when I found a tiny red leaf stuck in the grill of my car as we returned home from the lake. We had been jet skiing (fun) and it was another really warm day ~ as have been many of late. While I love warm days, I truly enjoy fall and all of its splendor.

That being said, I also enjoy pulling up the weeds that have grown up in my gardens with the recent rains, and cutting away the dead summer flowers to prepare room for fall colors. I relish the time in the soil, the labor, and the instant gratification when done...

Here is one of my recent projects (filled to the brim with overgrowth; I had been tending four others in my front yard this summer really closely and kind of let this one go...I will add pics of the others later, I don't have them on this computer) This is the starting point of my side bed...

And the weeds that I managed to pry loose from this bed (about two hours worth of time)....
Voila...nearly finished work.

I am hopeful to continue on this as the week progresses, I keep waiting for a less warm day, following another rain ideally. :-) Today I finished cleaning up another, smaller bed but the pile was equally sized as the above pic on our trailer. :-) God is so gracious as to provide us with a few flowers despite the overgrowth of "choking weeds" - I still have some blooms here and there for which I am ever so grateful. :-)

Politics

2008-09-20T12:39:00.002-04:00

I am not generally a political person in the sense that I don't get passionate usually about what is going on in politics. I tend to follow with as much objectivity as possible in order to discern what the Lord might be showing me in what I am watching/hearing (when I get emotional, I find it harder to hear from Him).

I have listened to much chatter about the different parties who are up for President. I have listened to their statements, reviewed voting records, and heard plenty of slander. I recently read a long discourse from some friends of mine who are VERY pro-Obama regarding Sarah Palin's white privilege and how she is incapable of being a decent vice-president.

I just yesterday got an email from a friend of mine who wanted to share another perspective, which I had not seen in the past. She recommended it not be played around children as there is some harsh language in it. I felt somewhat disgusted after I had viewed it. Not so much for the political message and somewhat frightening positions Senator Obama maintains, but more so in the word his pastor was speaking over America...the power of the word of God in us (what we say carries the authority of Christ if we are truly Christians, as God has been convicting me about over the past year). He actually damns America...and asks God to do so. Not just once, but multiple times...

It is very unsettling to me. Here is the video footage...

Third Day...

2008-09-15T22:47:00.003-04:00

Last night was a benefit concert for Habitat for Humanity. Bands included Jars of Clay, Switchfoot, Robert Randolph and the Family Band, and Third Day. It was a great event. All the way home, myself and the three ladies I drove with, rode in peaceful quiet (which is highly unusual for our gang).

It is truly awe-inspiring to have so many people singing scripture together in an outdoor venue. I was so blessed, many times, but particularly during some of Third Day's songs that were straight from the Word ~ back to Him...God met me there deeply during the singing of "cry out for Jesus..." ~ I almost couldn't breathe as my chest ached for more of Him and I was overwhelmed with my desire for His heart in mine ~ it was a moment I can never describe, yet will not soon forget...

I had another really cool experience with Robert Randolph's band. This was a group from the New Jersey area; they called themselves a church band from Jersey during their worship. Most of the "songs" were more music lifted high in love, versus lots of words (which was nice, easy to sing along) :-) I really enjoyed their rhythms, the lead played a mean steel guitar, and they put such heart into their playing ~ some of it struck me as discordant because it was unfamiliar, and would switch beat fairly quickly at times. I began praying that I would hear it as they intended it as I knew it was meant for worship - God met me and verses of Psalms began flowing through my mind/heart as the music was playing. It was neat! I have never experienced such a thing, but God surely did bless me with that.

Switchfoot used an incredibly talented violinest (viola, perhaps, I wasn't sure) accompanying thier band. Her music added a wonderful depth to the songs. They also had beautiful choreography during parts that was just a vivid reminder of how God can use newer electronic abilities for His good pleasure and purposes. The presentation was stunning at times.

At the end, all of the bands gathered together to play "I'll Fly Away" (one of my husband's favorite ole-timey tunes), and a song by Bono (U2) which was fun to sing along with as well. By that time, my girlfriends and I had stepped toward the back out on the lawn and we were singing and dancing in the cool night breeze (where it had been downright balmy in the pavilion and earlier), and gloriously praising God for His earth and the beauty of worship.

With much gratitude I thank my friends for calling me Thursday when the extra ticket came available. I had a blessed time not only because of the concert, but also because of the fellowship. Girlfriends are so important. Thank the Lord, oh my soul. I am blessed beyond measure.

A Budding Artist

2008-09-08T22:05:00.005-04:00

I have definitely been distracted by homeschooling (though I AM loving it!)...

Last Wednesday while parked outside at Michelle's piano lesson, I was engrossed in reading some things I needed to catch up to get myself on track for some of the school work. I did not tune in to the sounds outside until *something* tracked my attention. I sat up, and listened closely...it sounded like one of the girls was scraping on the side of our van with a rock...

And it was! Oh, my...Rose was having a wonderful time practicing her letters, and since they had not been showing up clearly in the gravel drive, she had been trying to get them to show up better on the side of our car ~ see if you can read this...

If you look closely, you can see the letters in her name pretty well. I am not quite sure what else she was trying to write. I think she messed up the E, scribbled it out, and tried again next to it. Then on to her name again (perhaps?...) Of course, lest I not feel left out, this was on the other side of the car (right below my window, no less - I was REALLY out to lunch!) :-)

That is the last "M" in Mom. :-)

After several minutes of explaining that this was definitely not okay, and that we will NEVER again write on Mommy's car, we talked about what we must use when writing, and how rocks scratch the side of cars so that the paint goes away and doesn't ever come back...she was completely mortified for the moment.

A few minutes of scrubbing with my favorite Meguiar's Car Cleaner Wax (amazing item I found years ago, apparently they have even better items made specifically for scratches now, but this worked fine) it was hardly noticeable ~ take a look...

So, in the dark we can't see a thing; with old eyes and distance, we notice nothing...and the nearly 8 inch long gash that was the top of her "E" is just normal wear and tear with kids ~ hey, at least it wasn't a key (which I have on the other side). She was trying to reflect her creative side, not be destructive. I can praise that. :-)

Thank God we have more important things in our lives than cars, hmm? However, Praise Him that we do have vehicles, and homes, and places for piano lessons ~ we are so incredibly blessed. :-)

Update

2008-09-08T08:48:00.004-04:00

For those who might have been offended by my most recent "This and That" posting, I truly apologize. It is never in God's plan for us to share ugly information about others, especially in light of the fact that we are so easily ugly ourselves, and I did. Though it was not deliberately intended to be such, it was unneccesary. God showed me that I was wrong in my words, and they did not reflect Him or His ways. I have edited my previous post to keep it more about myself and my struggles, versus others. I was in a place of deep pain, and I transgressed online, which I really should never consider. Please forgive me.

I am ever so grateful for His Spirit keeping us in check.

Many blessings on your day -
Christie

5 Secrets of Sickeningly Happy Couples...

2008-08-24T13:56:00.002-04:00

I was browsing the internet (looking for something totally unrelated) and the above caption caught my eye. Thought I would read what these "secrets" were. I found it to be an entertaining, interesting article. Written from a purely secular point of view, a form of faith still managed to enter in as a key point, despite the lack of understanding about what that means ~ no surprises though the power and purposes of God are not always understood nor considered, somewhere inside I do believe we all sense our need for Him. I do believe that people can be "happy" without knowing God, but I equally believe it is a hollow happiness that is never really full; like the cup with the holes in the bottom; the Holy Spirit fills those holes and our joy runneth over instead of running out (I have heard that somewhere) ~

Anyway, if you wanted to read the article (it really was pretty cute), here it is: 5 Secrets

God's Pleasure to Share

2008-08-23T21:13:00.004-04:00

This week has been continuing the saga that was started in mid-June with more bumps in our path and more challenges to embrace. My posting yesterday had been put to words after many weeks of multiple struggles ~ with "icing" added to the cake of our affliction on Monday this past week. Monday's trial was one of abiding in faith during difficult circumstances. God has given me a Spirit of deep faith in these issues, so it has not shaken me (though I believe it is affecting my dear husband differently). But ~ I have been shaken this week.

God did not depart from me on Monday, nor has He ever left me. However, the relational trials our family continues to face (as they escalate and ebb regularly, with a culmination this week on Friday) keep knocking me off center. I know intellectually that God desires for me to experience His peace and purpose my heart to focus upon His sovereignty during these trials. I have many moments of sheer joy in His presence despite the evils, but I have not yet experienced complete rest in Him

Well, I know that He would have me not blow in the winds of moods. He loves me and He desires me to walk in the joy and peace of the Lord at all times. I have not been as blessed in walking away from the influence of my heart/mind combination related to our relational trials. It has frustrated and disappointed me.

God blessed me tonight with His Word ~ speaking directly to me in so many ways as Bo and I participated in a sermon series wrap up at a friend's church. It was the first night I had had the gumption to attend (I often participate with them in studies, but had been out of the loop for a couple of months); I was pleased Bo and I could have an evening together to focus upon something real and meaningful with brothers and sisters after this week's fiascos. I now know why God prompted me to go.

Here is what He shared through the speaker:
2 Corinthians 4:17-18
17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Romans 8:18
18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
2 Peter 3:13
13 But we are looking forward to the new heavens and new earth he has promised, a world filled with God’s righteousness.

And, finally: 1 Corinthians 2:9 9
That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”

Praise God that He sees all, knows all, and loves us so ~ and what pleasure awaits in the things He promises to come...This life is so short in light of eternity. These trials such a blip on the radar screen of what is real and lasting. We have so much more than we can imagine, and He desires to pour out upon us so much more than we could ever dream. We are so blessed. Thank You, Lord.

This and That

2008-08-22T14:21:00.005-04:00

We have been on a whirlwind here in the sweet land of Pride-ville. It has been such a bittersweet summer for me. Although we had a lovely time overall with the kids, enjoyed a delightful swim team season (taking first in the three counties we swim against), enjoyed many visits with friends and family, and had some wonderfully fun times, I have struggled with an ever-evolving bitterness toward one particular person who has pushed me deeper into God's arms seeking respite from my negative feelings.

I have been praying daily, hourly, moment by moment that God would redeem my heart to His and allow me to flow with love and grace and prayerful petition toward her and for her. I keep slipping down the slippery slope of evil with each new event that pries at my very soul. Father, forgive her for she knows not what she is doing. This I truly believe. However, she is a professing Christian who is fully involved with, and working for, her church and it hurts me that I see the opposite fruits.

Lord, I do NOT want to be this way in my heart's response. Please, dear Father, heal my spirit and let me rest in Your sovereign will. You allow all things for our greater good and Your good purposes. May I rest in You and hold fast in the faith that I KNOW all things work together for good for those of us who love You and are called by You. Bless you, Lord that You have allowed this challenge into my life and the lives of those whom I love. Thank you for the opportunity to embrace grace and grow!

Aside from some very difficult weeks of pressing in and pressing on at the end of June and early to mid July, we have recently entered into a new phase of difficult and my dear hubby is, at this very moment, in mediation with his former wife. I trust God will carry this through, but today I have been off my center because of some telephonic interactions he has had which have been really hurtful in addition to all the other stuff he is facing.

It feels like it will never end. I pray hearts soften and children be given the freedoms to be children and to be free to love both parents without constraint. Dissension between former spouses is not the ideal for children; nor is separation from either parent for any length of time when young.

So, what is something that could be garnered here? Blended families are quite difficult in ideal circumstances. They are destructive to children in less than ideal ~ please listen if you are hesitating in your marriage. Seek God, pray, submit, seek outside help for the challenges if need be ~ protect your family. God can hold anything together, but you must be willing to sacrifice and trust. Life is not necessarily better on the other side, and things are so much more complicated for the children. My first marriage dissolved upon God's release, and this one occured with His leading...but our children have suffered tremendously, and while God can and will heal them and redeem the time while using it all for His glory, it has been hard to walk through, especially knowing that many of their trials could have been prevented (and, given the obvious circumstances, there will be many more to come).

Other co-parenting issues ~ while I had thought the home schooling decision had been clarified between my former husband and myself, two days before our Hilton Head vacation he told me our children needed to be enrolled in the public schools or he would take me to court to force the issue. Just like that ~ I thought we were through all concerns, but evidently not. Perhaps he didn't hear me in my last assertion that was never challenged in June...or perhaps he believed I might change my mind about my decision...I don't know. This is not typical for us, and I was baffled.

Since God led the homeschool decision, I knew He could make it pass but I really didn't look forward to my own court involvement after the heavy summer. Steve (my former husband) and I had always worked things out without the courts (even our divorce). I just started praying internally while stating my surprise and expressing my concerns related to why I had intended to home school in the first place and why it was best for our fifth grader. While he was out to dinner with the girls I continued praying as well as gathering the curriculum I had selected (with him in mind when I chose it, knowing his triggers and concerns).

I brought it out to show him when he returned, again explained my position and why I believed it was best for our daughter and for her future and what I hoped to accomplish with this time at home (leaving the Lord's will out of the discussion because of his immense fear and belief that we are becoming somewhat cultish with our faith). God blessed me ~ Steve allowed me to home school Michelle. Kari he would not concede, but that is okay. At the beginning my intention was to spend the year with Michelle alone, anyway, because of her special needs. Kari just really wanted to be a part, and I saw no reason why she could not. Praise God that He is faithful in establishing those things that He calls us to.

So, Kari went to meet her teachers today at her new school (we were rezoned). They seem delightful. God provided an added bonus to tie this all together ~ Michelle will be allowed to participate in the art room with Kari's class (with the teacher who actually taught her father years ago) while I serve as a volunteer during that time. How cool is that?! We serve an awesome and amazing God. :-) I am sure that this afternoon will also prove to be to His glory despite how it feels. I am grateful that we are so blessed as to have God who loves us so despite our total depravity and lack of deserving for anything good. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!

I'm Back

2008-08-18T12:04:00.004-04:00

Hilton Head, SC ~ our families' annual beach retreat. What a blessing it was to get away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives in Virginia, Chicago, Iowa, Denver, and Los Angeles to gather together at Barony Beach Resort in Hilton Head. I finished three books, and enjoyed the heck out of seeing my family again.

This summer has been a tough one for me; many whom I love are suffering, and my heart is breaking in parts because of my own personal challenges as well. It has been quite draining and unsettling, but through it all God remains the constant. He is my hope and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

While in Hilton Head this past week, we celebrated my dear Aunt Sharon's 60th birthday. It was so nice that she and her husband could join our gang this year, especially for such a fun occassion. My dad and stepmom had planned a surprise dinner for her at the conference resort next door. They had an incredible buffett and a great location for our large group to sit with all the kids and hang out without disturbing the rest of the diners (believe me, with 12 kids it can get pretty loud).

When she finished opening her cards and gifts, she laughed and said to me "Do you remember what you told me in the card you gave me for my 30th birthday?" Of course, I had no idea what I had written, but I knew that I had loved her so much, even then, because we had such a close relationship and she spent a lot of time with us. She went on to tell me that because she had been having some hesitation about being thirty (I was 12 at the time, so it made sense to me), I had written her a note saying "Don't worry about turning thirty, Moses lived until he was 120 so you have only lived 1/4 of your life so far!" (or something of the sort). Too funny! Of course, I decided at that moment to take this information and further assure her that this meant that she was only 1/2 way through living at this point, then. It didn't sound as comforting at 60 somehow. :-)

Oh it was such fun to be together again. Next family stop; Pella, IA for our annual thanksgiving gathering. We have been here at my home for several years, but we try to get out to Iowa every few years as my dad has a huge home there on a beautiful acreage, and the kids just have a blast. We tend to keep it here only because of the confusing logistics with my family's blended needs; everyone else would probably be happy to rotate around.

I hope those reading have also had a chance to connect with family, do something they love, and find some respite from daily life this summer. May God's face shine blessings upon you all.

Move Over Cookies...Fruit is #1!

2008-08-04T22:19:00.003-04:00

That title comes off of the circular for our local grocery store. I was so excited to read it that I wanted to share the news ~

"Great news! Fruit is now the number one snack given to children under age six, according to a new survey by the NPD research group. Fruit has replaced cookies, which previously held the number one spot, but is now second in popularity. All forms of fruit count, so offer children a variety of choices. Try fresh fruit, fruit cups, dried fruits, 100% fruit frozen pops.

"Other good news - cake and carbonated soft drinks are off the top ten list of snacks given to young children, and popcorn, a whole grain food, has been added.

"Improving snack choices for kids is an important step, so kudos to all the parents and caregivers who are helping improve the health of the next generation!"

Andreas Astrachan, Consumer Advisor Giant Foods Corporation

I am delighted ~ I guess the more chemicalized things become, the less the taste is appealing. This is good news. Perhaps our food suppliers will begin to change back to use of more natural substances in baked goods and treats!

New Title

2008-08-04T21:23:00.003-04:00

I have been mulling over my blog title. I know that I am a fallen person, redeemed by God's grace ALONE ~ and ever so blessed to be! Lately, Spirit has shown me that Fallen is not appropriate as I am no longer fallen, having been born again in His love and grace ~ (Hallelujah!).

So, as I sifted through what I could shift in the title, without having to change my entire linking, I thought about how I want to live FOR HIM. It is my heart's cry during every trial. I fail often in my responses, but my heart rallies so quickly to seek His grace and forgiveness, and to get back up and try again ~ during times of significant faith testing, I find myself thinking "I know that You are in charge of this, I know that You have allowed this, I trust implicitly that it will all be OK under your divine hand...I am just hurting..." That is not really fallen, because I am carried upon His wings. Praise God.

Any ideas for a "title" would be great. My first two blogs were called "Crock Pot Mom" ~ now that is my name, but not my title. I want this spot to shine for God at the outset. I may not always have His interests in what I share, but I do have a heart for Him in all I do ~ would love to hear your input. :-)

Blessings,
Christie

McDonalds Goes Downhill Fast

2008-07-31T09:28:00.002-04:00

I am not sure if you have heard the news about McDonalds newest promotions, but it has been disheartening to me. Whenever a "giant" corporation that feeds into kids' begins to promote more than unhealthy food, I become dismayed.

Listening to Janet Parshall the other day, I was stunned to hear her lobbying to boycott McDonalds, until I heard the press she was sharing.

See for yourself in this article... Those McFabulous Rainbow Arches.

Quick Take

2008-07-20T23:58:00.002-04:00

While in Michigan with my sister last week, both of my middle daughters went up to her on separate occasions and stated "You look like my mom wet" (not the best english, but the same commentary, and basically reacting that she and I were similar in appearance when unencumbered by hair)...

Her hubby took this picture to show us ~ I'd have to agree, though she still has the narrower face (which I used to covet as a kid).

Boy did we have FUN!!! God is so good to me.

Baseball Game

2008-07-11T12:00:00.003-04:00

Bo and I attended the Washington Nationals Baseball game against the Arizona Diamondbacks last night. What a delight it was!! God orchestrated a night off from much stress that has been occuring in our lives. Truly He set this up. We were given the tickets (shared seating with an older couple friend of ours) and they were between third base and home, at field level, though several rows up ~ fabulous seats. When I called around for a sitter, all of the high school graduates and college students I use were otherwise engaged ~ then a friend volunteered to keep my children overnight at her house for a fun evening of swimming, fishing, bonfire, etc. Not only did she volunteer to have them come, but to feed them and spend the night to boot ~ all five ~ what a blessing. I was so thankful.

Fast forward to yesterday. We ended up with an extra child for a few days (so six to go to my friend's house), and Michelle, my ten year old ended up with a massive ear infection (both middle ear and outer ear). Probably came from too much swimming at the meet without wearing her cap, as well as each morning during practice, following a trip jet skiing at the lake on Sunday. She did not sleep at all on Wednesday night (she and I did not sleep...). So, we also took her to the doctor and got external antibiotic drops and internal antibiotic. Needless to say I didn't want to leave her overnight at a friends in this fragile state. So, I called my girlfriend and asked her if I could pick the kids up after the game while relayed the new information. She volunteered to bring her son to our house and just watch them here. Isn't she amazing?! Isn't God a blessing. I then told her how grateful I was that she was willing to do that and I would pull together some food stuff for them before she came and she refused and told me she would bring what she had planned and cook it at my house. I was touched with tears of gratitude at that moment. God is so good to me.

So, we get to the game ~ for the past two years I have been trying to learn more about baseball since I have always found the game ~ well...boring...I know that is awful since it is the great American pastime, but I have loved soccer, basketball, football and have just not cared a bit about baseball. Bo loves baseball and played in highschool, college, the military and his union, so he knows it inside and out. We have started watching the World Series together the past couple of years, and I have to admit that I have gotten a bit more interested as I have watched more. However, I was really going to the game to support him and enjoy his delight more than anything.

I was praying on the way there that God would give me a deeper understanding and joy of the game so I could share in it with him more. Wow, did He come through. We had a terrific game!
Not only that, but it was an exciting one, too. Bottom of the ninth, two to zero in their favor, bases loaded and full count ~ someone hit a double. We went into the tenth inning. The other team pulled three quick runs (can you say ARGH), I thought ~ surely this is over now...we ended up with three runs as well (wouldn't it have been nice to have four??!). It appeared we were going to get the fourth run ~ we had a runner on third and one out. I figured it was a shoe in because even on a pop-fly the runner on third would score. Right?! Then I learned how much baseball has strategy that I never recognized. The next few plays defensively were amazing.
I was really excited watching and cheering. We ended up losing in the eleventh inning, but enjoying a really exciting game (and getting home really late).

The other team's pitcher was phenomenal. He pretty much stayed straight at pitching 93mph balls from the first to the ninth inning. He was tired in the ninth (can you say - of course?!), and not doing as well, but at the top of the ninth start, he had pitched 105 balls, 79 of which were strikes. What a great ratio! He was also interesting to watch. He would start his pitch, then stop completely, only to re-start but throw with his entire body as if he had never stopped. It was a very interesting talent to see him stop mid-pitch and be able to gather the full body momentum, not just arm strength, after losing part of the wind up.

Other neat events: I learned what the numbers on the plays/players mean now, and I was even able to call correctly a 6-4-3 double play (how's that for learning?!) :-). We had many foul balls in our region (three surrounding us), with Bo actually getting his hands/chest on one (it dropped to the ground and bounced up into his chest then the guy in front of him grabbed it) ~ he had so much fun touching it and laughing with the guy who got it. Also, we delighted in spending time with friends whom we hadn't seen in quite awhile, whose husband loves baseball as much as Bo and whose wife is equally unsure about the game (actually more so as she grew up in Mauritus which is a French colony off Africa so she did not know the game at all prior to moving here in 2000). Thank you, LORD, for a wonderful time away with just the two of us. Thank YOU for the gift of friends who are like family, fellowship, and respite ~

Hoping each of you are having a terrific summer and enjoying your families and summer events as much as we are! May God continue to shine His face upon you and bring you peace.

Great Dads

2008-07-01T22:52:00.003-04:00

Okay, I have a really fun family. I love it when one of my siblings (or their spouses, as in this case) share something endearing about their lives. I got an email from my dear sister-in-law today that had this blip of information at the end of it. She had sent a note to a mutual friend of my brother's and mine, and was forwarding me his news of marriage as well as his new contact information (I got the same email from him, but she is always considering others and wanted to be sure I had recieved it) :-)

On the bottom of the forwarded email was a video clip she had sent to our friend, Rob (a long time friend of my brother's from childhood), sharing entertainment from my brother's life. I figured since it was on the email she sent me, it was fair game. It involves my brother dancing with other dads during a recital my niece was performing in over Father's Day weekend. It was a Sunday morning surprise for the girls and boys who were dancing that weekend.

Now, to know my brother, one would be aware that he has very little gifting in rhythm. However, he is very athletic and capable on the soccer field or basketball court. I presume he prepared to use those skills to get him through this for his daughter.

Here's the dance: Heart Beats Dad's Dance...my brother is the first to enter from the right of the screen, then the first to do a cartwheel from the left...He is good natured enough, I don't think he would mind me sharing. He would probably be laughing ~ but I am really proud of his willingness, especially given what I know of his dance abilities ~

Bless all fathers who willingly go in many directions for their children. My brother does, my father most certainly did, my brother-in-law does...and my dear husband has time and again.

Praise God for Fathers, and His equipping!

Scatterbrained

2008-06-25T17:44:00.002-04:00

So, my blogging friend Stacy posted about her scatterbrained adventures recently, and after I read her post, I was reminded about what I had intended to post a couple of weeks ago but became too scattered to sit and organize. :-)

My summer has kicked into full gear; it started before my work ended, which was a bit challenging but usually not impossible. I am finding that the older I get, the shorter my brain cells last before fizzling out (really...I used to be much more fluent at juggling information in my mind). I used to not be scatterbrained as a general rule (unless I was desperately trying to impress somebody as a teenager, and couldn't keep my brain wrapped around "normal" because of it *grin*), but as I have entered perimenopause, extra kids, blended families, multi-tasks, etc. I have become more mentally absent at times.

So, two weeks ago or so, I had a series of misfits that were so laughable, yet almost made me cry in observing my obvious mental overload. My dawning awareness of my fragile mental abilities began when intending to return a movie to redbox. As I got the kids in the car (for an errand related to a previous mistake), I was thinking about time needs and why we were going at that moment versus later when it would have been easier. We were going at that specific moment to assure the movie be returned on time. As I was nearing the grocery store (where the box is located), I realized that the movie was still sitting home on our kitchen counter. At that point, I was disappointed but figured "No biggie, just one more unplanned trip to the grocery store" (I usually only go once per week). The plan for that trip was to go buy a printer/scanner for our new computer and then get the groceries I had forgotten on my previous trip, in addition to returning the movie. Anyone who knows me well, knows I usually don't return to the store for missed groceries, either, because I can't budget as well that way and I usually have a really good idea about what I need when I am walking through the store ~ but that week I had not gotten three of the things on my list (one of which was quite important). I had even written them down but somehow missed them while checking the list while in the store (??!)

Okay, so we had to return to the grocery yet again. No biggie, gas prices aren't that bad yet.
Well, later that evening as I was organizing things for the evening and closing down the day's events in my head, I thought to myself ~ "where is that bag of paper and ink I bought when I bought the printer?? Did I leave it at the store?! No, I couldn't have...didn't I give it to one of the kids when I picked up the printer box? Gosh, I had all five with me surely I didn't leave it on the counter!... "

Never found the bag. The next day my hubby and I discussed his desire for a fax capacity with the printer/scanner. We decided to go ahead and exchange the one I bought for the other since he had worked so much overtime this month as it wouldn't interfere with our budget. I figured I could also then ask the store if perhaps they had a bag of paper and ink there that had been left by somebody...:-)

Got the kids ready to go back to get the new printer the next day, as well as run an errand for a birthday party need. When we got to the store, I was tickled to find the bag (it was sitting tidily behind the customer service desk) and then went to exchange the printer. As I was opening my purse to get my bank card out to pay I realized that my wallet was home sitting on the table next to the computer as I had it out earlier that day. Praise God I had my checkbook!
My next stop at the store for the birthday stuff, I looked in my checkbook again and realized I had only one more check (we had two stops) ~ so, we did what we could and went home.

Now, I cannot recall the "last thing" that tipped this little girls' apple cart that week, but something else equally out to lunch happened the very next evening in my usually well administered world, and when Bo started teasing me about it I started to well up with tears. He was baffled, until I explained the series of events that were prior to that moment ~ he gave me a hug, reminded me that I had not been sleeping much the past week or so, and encouraged me to go to bed early. Which I did ~

Haven't had quite a continuous week of confusion since, praise God...but I don't know that it doesn't mean it won't happen. Today at swim team practice, followed by swim lessons for three of the kids, I forgot to bring the bag of things I "always" have at the pool (suntan lotion, etc.). This stuff has been more and more insidious over the past two or three years ~ I am learning to embrace the "new me" :0) Glad none of it surprises our great Author of life ~

Be blessed this week.

This is nuts...

2008-06-17T14:20:00.003-04:00

I know it is a bit silly to think that perhaps we have gone over the edge in our culture with fashion...but this screams at me "too much"...

It is hard enough to keep socks on these poor kiddos...and imagine all of the cuts they will have on their legs from the bottoms of the heels as they sit and kick their feet in glee ~

Can anybody tell me what the point would be?

Now, this video has a 23 second advertising trailer pre-video which I didn't know how to get off the program. However, stay tuned for the newest in fashion design...

Video

God's Creation (versus Man's)

2008-06-11T23:10:00.000-04:00

I was stopped in my musings the other day while flying home from Daytona. We flew through Newark, NJ ~ which, for those who do not know that area, is a pretty industrial area. After flying over New York City and turning right (it was fun to see the Statue of Liberty from above), we began the descent into Newark.

Looking out the window the presence of man's disregard was magnified to me in the bundles of junk areas, blackened industrial parks, and miscellaneous areas of "harsh" appearing scrap metals and dirty parks. There were some factories and other buildings which were pretty typical, but this area of New Jersey is indeed not the most appealing from above. What I noticed, however, was the beauty of the things God had created amidst this. It was illuminated so clearly against the background of the city...the few trees scattered about, a patch of grass here and there...even a tall pile of sand that was in a construction zone had a sense of unity and timelessness to it...it was truly an awe-inspiring thing to notice ~ how much BEAUTY God provides in everything He has created.

I wondered if I was just reacting to the city as I am not much of an inner city person, so I waited until the descent into Dulles Airport here in Virginia (which I always enjoy because there are so many trees). As we were nearing the airport, there were a smattering of larger homes amid some nice landscape, as well as a few roads and highways running about. We also flew over a shopping mall, schools, neighborhoods, etc...It was easier on the eyes than Newark had been for me, and possessed a certain artistic symmetry that was gentle and welcoming, but it still was not as incredibly beautiful as the simple intricity (is that a word?) of God's trees, rivers, and grassy areas. He is so good to us. His creation is beyond what we can do...

If it is of God, it is all good. Even dirt pile among stubble in Jersey ~ Praise Him that Creation calls His Name!

Richard Petty Driving Experience~

2008-06-10T12:15:00.002-04:00

Imagine the thrill of being in a car on a 31 degree bank, holding the steering column, pushing the pedal down as far to the floor as you feel safe doing...and driving faster than you did when drag racing as a teen...

This was Bo's experience at Daytona. He had SO MUCH fun! He was smiling all evening. We just recieved the DVD of his experience yesterday in the mail. As we popped it into the television, I got to experience some of what he did behind the wheel. Well, actually, I probably didn't experience much as it was all on video which doesn't do the experience justice, but Bo was able to relive the day and hopes to go again another time.

Next time he'll do 16 laps, this way he can loosen up for longer, and he will be allowed to go faster. The instructors told us it would take about four laps to get the death grip experience off the steering wheel and enjoy the ride. Bo reported that this was accurate for him. He was trying so hard to stay at the proper car distance behind his instructor, as well as keep the car in the right lane of travel, that he was tense (probably something to do with the speed as well...). Whew, lap five he realized he was holding tight still and told himself to lighten up. Once he was able to relax he drove better and managed to achieve a top speed of 146 mph which is about the highest they will take you if you are managing the car well in the eight lap event.

Must have been managing well(can you tell I am so excited for him, still?)~ he got the best lap time you can "technically" achieve when following an instructor for eight laps. They go faster in ride alongs, but allow only for certain speeds in the individual driving. 8 laps allows for about 146 mph, and the people who get up to that somewhat consistently (e.g. a few laps) have "done a good job following what they were taught" according to the trainer. My dear hubby did a GREAT job! I was so proud of him when he finished. It was the most delightful day I have spent with him in awhile...just watching him fill his heart with the things that have been stirring there since his youth...what fun it was for both of us!

Thank you, Lord, for the provision of a wonderful weekend for us. Thank You for the gift of wild rides and safe but pushing the limits entertainment for those of us who thrill with these things. May you be blessed by the blessings that were recieved.

What a Weekend!

2008-06-02T15:45:00.004-04:00

We got back last night around six. Traveling all day Friday and Sunday and packing in SO MUCH fun between Friday afternoon and midnight Saturday. My goodness, I couldn't keep up that pace but boy was it a TERRIFIC getaway.

Late Friday afternoon we checked into our hotel (on the beach, presuming we would actually care, and then we realized after the weekend that neither of us were really drawn to that...how funny) and headed south to Titusville, FL. By God's grace alone we were given a GPS system in the rental car, so were able to find Bo's old house with ease. It was neat to drive around his neighborhood, talking about where he used to play, as well as driving the route he walked to school (I remember walking to school, too. I don't think they do that anymore unless it is across the street from your house...). We were also able to stop in on some old family friends of his parents, Bob and Isabelle (Izzy), who have suffered from many health challenges as of late. We spent about an hour with them discussing their lives, their home, Florida challenges (electricity outages, the need for a hurricane because of the drought) etc. It was a wonderful visit and nice to be used as an encouragement to those who have gone before us in life's trials.

After leaving their home, we headed toward the old orange grove Bo's dad used to run. Bo was going strictly on a 43 year old memory, and some info he had acquired from Bob, as to how to locate the field. We drove past a couple of groves in the approximate area before calling Bo's parents to confirm the location, then we entered the grove that used to be theirs (it was pretty run down, obviously not being used for business nay more) and spent some time in it just reminiscing. What a neat time that was. Took some pictures as well that I hope come out; it will depend on the angle of the sun and how it hit my lens. It was nearing sunset and had some bright rays shining through pretty powerfully. We didn't want to go too far into the grove lest the people who owned it be offended.

Saturday was quite an experience at Daytona Speedway. I will post on that another time. Suffice to say - Bo had a BLAST. I was tickled walking beside him all day participating in this blessed event ~ he really was enjoying each and every moment of the experience. I am so thrilled we got to do it. He was able to get up to 146 mph (about all they allowed in the independent driving), and really felt the thrill.

Leaving the speedway at 4:30 p.m. we realized that Max and Madeline (my step kids) were only two hours away (that great GPS system!), so we called and set up a date for dinner. We were able to meet them at their church and participate in their Saturday night worship event prior to going out to eat. What a double blessing that was. I really enjoyed their Pastor, and now have more of a sense about what Max shares related to the facilities and how things are run (it is a campus with a building on both sides of the road). The room we were in was set up "coffee shop casual" for the service with round tables, it doubled as a gym on other days (with many basketball nets tucked up in the eaves). The message was provocative in a good way, and the worship was just what I needed, but didn't know I had missed so much; very refreshing (I mean that I was missing my daily worship time, and this fit the bill wonderfully).

What a delight to be able to take Max and Maddie out to eat, then drop them at their home. They will be here in another week, but I was tickled to be able to see their neighborhood as I have heard so much about it. Now I can put a visual to the stories, which helps me out so much.

We tumbled into bed close to midnight Saturday, ready to leave for the airport in the morning. We arrived home yesterday exhausted but exhilerated. God has been so good to us ~ as always ~ I just can't thank Him enough. What a rich and wonderful blessing ~ All in all, a fabulous weekend retreat. :-)

We're Daytona Bound ~

2008-05-29T16:54:00.003-04:00

Bo and I leave in the morning for a weekend getaway to Daytona Beach. He will be driving around the Daytona Speedway, hopefully getting up to a speed that thrills him, on Saturday afternoon. It should be fun. We will also go see his first home (he was born in Titusville, FL and lived there many of his young years).

Looking forward to the reading time on the airplane ~ aka: "without kids" ~ and the rest and refreshment for both of us. :-)

Have a blessed weekend.

Weary ~

2008-05-27T23:27:00.003-04:00

Okay,
So God finally gave clear direction about next year. My husband came home a few weeks ago to tell me that he believed Home Schooling was what Michelle needed and I should begin next fall. I was elated and my daughter was thrilled.

Now...my former husband is NOT okay with this. I have tried to be very open and explanatory with him as well as accountable to all of my reasons and the school SOL requirements for next year. I had pitched it to him a year ago as something I was considering and at that time all he had against it was socialization according to our discussion.

Now, he is staunchly refusing to support this decision. I am grieved and heartsick with the constancy of struggles related to our divorce. We have completely different lifestyles and values. He cannot see our daughter's need for the things she is not recieving yet seeks out frequently from me. A need that I have been praying about and crying about for several years in seeking how God would minister to her.

She also has a bona fide learning disability, which I sensed over and over, but could get nobody in the schools, nor her dad, to agree. Each time I have sought help I have been told it is her lack of focus and nothing more. She just "underperforms" because she "doesn't concentrate/doesn't want to do it." Well, after outside testing I had done recently, she has now been officially "diagnosed." She fits the profile for GT/LD (gifted and learning challenged). She also has significant emotional issues related to her body make up, the divorce, and her need for her dad's love and approval. This has caused much grief in her life and continues with a vengeance...this was also noted in the evaluation that was completed.

Home schooling is what makes the most sense - both emotionally to support her, as well as intellectually (not to mention spiritually, but her dad balks at the very mention of God when that is brought up, so I have kept my discussions with him related to mostly intellect, some emotional). I am TRAINED in her very area of disability. I work with kids with similar issues every day at my job in the private school. I also home school her nearly every day after school because of her needs. He doesn't see any of that, his comment today is similar to the school's comments to me over the years - "her grades are okay, I don't see a need for it."

I am trusting God on this one. He brought us to it, He will bring it to pass if indeed we heard Him correctly. She has asked for it for years, but cannot stand in the face of her dad's resistance as it puts her into an emotional bind. I cannot ask her to stand in court if he takes it to court as it will break her in two. Do we press through the emotional distress now to feed the needs she really has, or do we acquiese to her dad's refusal in order to keep the peace?

Pray for wisdom for me, please. I am so sad tonight. All I want is what is best for Michelle, but I don't know clearly how and what right now. In following what I was led to believe was clearly for her, I have run into a brick wall of prejudice...I wish I knew what was right.

Bo said we need to pray and see if this is the wrong decision. While I always agree that prayer is important, I am also frustrated, because it was through ongoing prayer that we were led to this decision in the first place. Neither of us was for home schooling years ago. I want to pray to seek God's power to stand firm in this decision, as well as His power to change the heart of her dad, since He was who turned our hearts and minds to this plan. If reading this, I would be greatly appreciative if you would lift up your voice for a brief moment to our LORD and ask Him to speak His words into my heart ~ thank you. Be blessed today ~

2008-05-24T15:13:00.002-04:00

I have had so many thoughts to post about lately; as is evidenced by my scattered post below ~ so many run on sentences in my head, with thoughts in multiple directions about multiple things. Gloriously, God provides respite from my thoughts by getting me involved in activities that serve rather than consume mental time. 

I had the privilege last night of listening to a man by the name of John Baxter. He is a main player in the Adventist Frontier Missions Organization. His testimony is fascinating, and his heart, beautiful ~ provoking all in listening to consider how we are serving the Lord versus being complacent in a comfort zone among fellow Christians.

Mr. Baxter was a cocaine addict, alcoholic, demon possessed multimillion dollar international banker 20 years ago when God got a hold of him. His story is nothing short amazing and certainly a magnification of God’s incredible power and grace. I found him quite likable and began thinking about our former Pastor who now serves as the national mobilizer for international missions through SIM ~ I thought they would very much enjoy one another as they had a similar dogged passion to challenge people to step up and respond to God’s call.

He shared some of his stories from serving in Hindu and Buddhist countries; he served in India for ten years with his family. During that time experienced many threats of beatings, stonings, the killing of his wife and kids, etc. but God always gave him an otherworldy peace (though did not always take from him the very real fear he experienced in many of those instances) as well as delivered him from these threats as he has stood firm in faith (sometimes while praying for more faith). He spoke passionately about how we are in a war ~ Christ is our commander in chief and we must be distrustful of ourselves, but confident in our Savior. Oh what preciously true words; How often we are so trusting in ourselves and our own resources when to put it in God’s hands would be our wisest option.

A few points he made during his sharing about God’s incredible majesty, included the falling away from Christ experienced in North America (there are more Christians in Africa now than in North America by his statistics) ~ he believes it parallels the Israelites in the Old Testament who pushed forward to conquer territories, but then settled and didn’t continue to forward push once they had defeated a few of the foes and garnered some of the promised land…so they eventually got muddled by the surrounding cultures that they had not won over. He exhorted that we are called to press on and press in. As I was listening, the verse in Matthew came to me...“the gates of Hades will not overcome us(it/the church).”

He suggested that many Christians spend too much time on the internet and in other forms of focus versus on their knees pleading with God to save others ~ he said that we all have baggage, we all have pain and needs, but if we choose not to look at ourselves but look at Jesus Christ and at serving others’ needs, the true joy will come. I was moved with compassion at these words. How often do I pray for those outside my sphere of focus? Rarely. Yet how effective is prayer? Demonstrably one of the most powerful forces in our universe; I petition the Lord, now, to lay it upon my heart to expand toward others I do not even know, outside of the city and state in which I live, outside of our government, and into the reaches of His eyes and heart, that I might fully be used to serve.

I had hoped to get back today to hear his full testimony at their church service (last night was a small gathering to share with the local SDA college students ~ many of whom feel called to go into international missions), but was unable. I hope to get a copy of the service as it has his testimony and he shared with me last night that it is so remarkable he even has a hard time believing it. I love stories that magnify God so powerfully. They renew my faith and refresh my spirit.

The Speed of Life ~

2008-05-22T15:54:00.002-04:00

Life has been very busy lately ~ it always seems as the school year winds down, things wind up. We've had standards of learning tests for Michelle (state tests for public education) for three weeks; involving homework on the computer every night for forty minutes taking practice tests, multiple birthday party invitations (must be cold weather adds babies...), a new hamster to help adjust to the home (God provided a cutie patootie, but he was a biter at first as he was so scared of the new digs and all the kids eager to grasp him ~ he is doing very well now; I will share his photo op at another time), my work sending many kids my way (end of the year; families want to know before next year what might be challenging their children since they haven't yet "grown out of" the issues that faced them early in the year), and my time searching many tomes related to Home Schooling in order to provide my children what they need, while seeking to alleviate my former husband's significant concerns that I do indeed have understanding and can give them all that they are supposed to be receiving from the public schools ~

We also have upcoming field trips the kids want someone to go on with them, sickness (I picked up Kari from school today, just after I had gotten home from volunteering ~ a few minutes later volunteering and timing would have been perfect!) a piano recital that coincides with vision therapy (so VT needs rescheduling), and lunches that I promised that need to be scheduled (my going in to eat with the girls). Rose's preschool ended Tuesday (I had thought Wednesday was the last day, so was scrambling for a baby sitter for Wednesday so I could work), and she helped me with my volunteer work in the library at the girls' school today. I am glad she is a calmer spirit than some of my children ~ otherwise I would have had to resign from that work before the end of the school year, and they often need it more now as the shelves become more chaotic for some reason (we haven't figured that one out). :-)

I have also been thrilled to see lots of rain, and have been eagerly planting seeds and other annuals/perennials in between the storms ~ taking advantage of the opportunities when possible since it is a smattering of days without rain. God has blessed us tremendously after a very dry season in Northern Virginia. We are grateful (well, some of us are; the people at the park yesterday weren't too happy when it began to sprinkle again, as well as get cooler around 5:30 p.m. ~ I just thought it the perfect time to wrap up and get home to make some dinner; especially since I had wanted to but the kids didn't want to leave)

All in all, a busy month that has been well worth the time spent on kids, family, work and home. Lord, keep my hastiness in body only, and may my mind continue to dwell upon you as the source and satisfaction. May I ruthlessly eliminate hurry while managing busyness ~

Welcome To Paradise

2008-05-10T19:11:00.002-04:00

I have discovered "Redbox" movies. For merely $1.05/day you can rent a movie from a big red box located inside grocery stores and Wal Marts. I love movies, and have found some really terrific ones lately ~ Freedom Writers, The Ultimate Gift, We are Marshall, Elizabeth, the Golden Age (I think that was it, Becoming Jane, The Martian Child, Dan In Real Life...

Yesterday I rented one called Welcome to Paradise. I had not ever heard of this movie, but it looked good from the write up and seemed less violent than many that were available on Friday night. An added plus was that, though it wasn't too filled with shoot em up drama, it didn't appear to be a "chick flick" and I thought Bo would enjoy watching with me (we loved Dan In Real Life last weekend).

We really enjoyed it. I thought it was Fabulous ~ similar vein to many of the Christian movies published by smaller companies lately. A movie about really finding God and not playing religion. I have seen several of these in the last few months; usually borrowed from friends or purchased from CBD, but hadn't seen many among the recently recommended rentals so was delighted to find it by accident.

I would encourage anyone who is looking for a good sleeper to rent it. You won't be disappointed. All of the ones I have listed were good for various reasons (if you need ideas), but this one was tender as well, which I enjoyed. Thanks be to God that we can continue to find some shinier gems among the mixes ~ Bless Him.

The Blessings Flow ~

2008-05-08T14:42:00.004-04:00

I am so thankful for God's absolute delight in and love for us these days...especially how He has shared it with me. Over and over recently He has shown me how fond of me He is. It has been through unexpected giftings here and there. Some have been through other people in words or action, some have been through His creations, and some have been straight from His heart to mine...what an awesome God we serve. I am being refreshed. Praise Him.

Today I enjoyed a participating in an "Hawaiian Luau" in my daughter's preschool classroom (to celebrate Mother's Day). The room was decked out with flower streamers at the door, leis as we entered and colorful banners. The teacher (talented as she is) had even carved a whale out of a watermelon as a table centerpiece. It was such fun to listen to the kids sing their love to us in a song aptly named "Hawaiian Rainbow." We also got to dance a fun jig with them. Something about little kids and activities such as this is always heart tickling.

That would have been plenty for today ~ however, when I returned home there was a vase on the front doorstep with my favorite flowers inside. When I saw they were my favorite (Shasta Daisies), I knew it had to be from someone who knew me well. I don't tell many people my favorite as it isn't something that often comes up in conversation, and they are not in my yard (yet) because I have not had success wtih them here at this time (I will, though, I keep trying). As I read the card I was touched with gratitude and gladness. My sister and her husband had sent them to me for Mother's Day. How incredibly sweet. I adore my sister. She is my dearest friend, and I am so blessed to have her.

Rose and I have already enjoyed them (see below). I can't wait to share with the rest of the family.

PRAISE!

2008-05-07T15:41:00.004-04:00

Thank you for all who have been praying for our family to find God's direction for my next year. I am thrilled He has spoken clearly to both my husband and myself.Last night we decided that I would resign my position and begin home schooling the older two in the fall. I am not yet sure about little Rose (preschool) as I don't think I can manage teaching all three the first year home; it is quite daunting for me even with two as Michelle requires much extra care at the current time...

However, God is sooo good. My DH looked at me last night and noted that I was always pulled in too many directions and torn because my heart is at home with the family and the kids, and we talked about how it could work. God will surely provide the avenue, He has been so faithful in all of our decreases with my work schedule (and decreases with my hubby's last year) ~ I am thrilled.

My boss was totally accepting even though she has nobody to replace me. She knows my heart and shares a love for our LORD. Oh Praise Him ~ He is mighty and good.

It is with gratitude and humility that I again thank you for walking this path with me.

Many blessings!
Christie

Spring!

2008-05-02T09:13:00.002-04:00

I love this time of year; the colors in Virginia are amazing as trees, azaleas and flowers begin blooming all around. We have had some warm weather interspersed with cool...and lots of rain.

The other day, the contrast of light after rain brought incredible beauty to my block. As I was returning home in my car, I smiled as I watched petals dance in a whilrwind in front of me at the street where I was turning ~ as if responding to a symphony that only they had heard, they stirred, gathered together, and then spun around in a carefully orchestrated display that was evidenced by only me; God is so kind to us to share delights. It reminded me of the fairy tales I have watched with my kids when "magic" is about to occur and the floor begins to whirl with dust as something is created amid that whirl ~ except what was created was already in existence, it just picked up a life of its own for a brief, delightful, dance.

As I neared our driveway, I was astounded by the clarity of color ~ it was awesome!
I felt as if I had entered a different place; a sea of pink petals covered the lower portion of my neighbor's yard, and my driveway was lined with pink as well. The same kind of petals I had seen dancing in the wind, were shimmering in a peaceful lake next to the road, and rivers along our driveway. I can't begin to speak the feeling I got when standing there in awe after I parked...I wish I could impart the experience...

Thank you, Lord, for the wonder of your creation. Thank you that I am privileged to witness the changes of seasons through the life and death of your flowers and trees. Thank you that you have given us such beauty for the ashes which we often give to you. Bless you, Lord. Thank you for your love.

Way too sweet...

2008-04-28T20:31:00.002-04:00

Saturday Rose (my four year old) began feeling run down. I knew this when she asked if she could take a nap after my husband's flag football game ~ while we were still on our way TO the game. This from the child who resists napping any more...

Well, she rested on me much of the day Saturday while her sisters played. She tried to join it but didn't have the spunk she usually does, so preferred hanging out with her more sedentary mommy. Fast forward to Sunday morning ~

Rose comes running into my room, breathless and agitated, shouting "Mommy, wake up!We need to ask God to help me! We need to pray that he will make my throat stop hurting." I smiled and said okay ~ and asked her if she wanted to begin the prayer. She immediately launched into her request, which I always adore since the prayers are so pure and heart felt (like tonight when she was telling God how "next time people will not say 'no, you can't have it' and won't share, but they will say 'you can have it when I am finished with it'").

I prayed with her, and after we finished I asked her how she was feeling. She told me "My nose is better and I am not coughing so much, but he told me he wasn't going to help my throat. He will do that tomorrow."

Wow ~ she not only prays with a full heart, but she listens, too. Complete faith, complete trust ~ absolute agreement with our Lord. I am blessed by her heart and mind. I am touched by her simplicity and love.

And, of course, her follow through. Today she told me ~ "my throat is okay now, God told me it would be." Smiling, she continued getting ready for preschool.

We serve an awesome God ~ Amen?

Confirmed in Christ~

2008-04-25T08:58:00.005-04:00

I have been so privileged to be a participant in some very meaningful ceremonies lately; the first was sharing a eulogy at my former father-in-laws funeral last Friday, the next will be speaking on behalf of a dear young friend at his Eagle Scout Award ceremony tomorrow night (which he insisted on having in his church, complete with a hymn ~ I am touched with his faith walk), and the last will be witnessing my niece's confirmation ceremony next weekend.

My brother's family belongs to a Lutheran Church near their home. When my niece Amanda was twelve, her mom looked for a confirmation program that suited her preferences, and her church did not have what she felt was needed. She wanted her daughter to really understand the commitment to Christ that she was preparing to make. They found a Lutheran church in another county that had a good program, and for the past two years Amanda has been taking classes there. It has been a juggle for her folks to get her to the classes in addition to her dance and her brother's soccer, as well as school and family events (does anybody know what I am talking about here?) ;-) but God is the priority, and Amanda has learned and grown so much during this class. Her confirmation day is May 4th (which is also her dad's birthday, which I find pretty neat)...

I was delighted when she asked me to help her select a verse to be confirmed under, as well as to review her statement of faith that she needs to present to the church and Christ during her ceremony. I was incredibly blessed when I read her statement ~ God has worked in her deepening her walk and understanding and I am tickled that she will enter high school next year with her relationship with God more fully integrated into her heart and mind. He is so important to all of us, but my heart has always been particularly tender toward the youth culture of today. The only *help* I provided her for her statement was to question her understanding of a few of her sentences so that I understood what she was saying, and she understood what she was professing. A couple of things were adjusted related to this, but it was more verbage than the heart of her statement. I wanted to share her profession below; she was running it by her pastor this morning; I am pretty sure he will accept it as written...

Jesus Christ is God’s only begotten son, my lord. I believe that Jesus Christ is truly God, existing from the beginning, and also was truly human, willingly emptied of His godliness, and assigned to earth by God the Father, born of the Virgin Mary.

He suffered and died on the cross for me to secure my salvation for all eternity and conquered the devil from being able to convince me into doing the wrong things because he loves me and was willing to sacrifice everything for me. For if I am to do something wrong or make a mistake, I am forgiven and Jesus helps me to come closer to him each and everyday even if I may not realize it.

Through faith and grace alone I will inherit eternal life in God’s Kingdom. I know that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus or come to him, but because the Holy Spirit works through me and lives within me, I am able to be called to the Gospel and enlightened with His gifts.

As I walk and talk with Jesus in my Christian faith each day, I know my sins will be forgiven and I will be saved. I know that my redeemer lives and that Jesus Christ is the way to Heaven, the truth, and the life. I shall live triumphantly in heaven because I have received this amazing gift from Jesus for which He has conquered death and that I have accepted his gift to live with him in the Kingdom of Heaven for eternity.

I wish to trust Jesus in everything because I know that he is with me in every step I take. I wish to develop a stronger relationship with Jesus as life carries on and desire to love Jesus with all my heart and all my soul and with my entire mind, and to know that Jesus is my confidence.

Confirmation Verse: John 15:4-5 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."

Amanda, you are a blessing to me and all who love you. I am so proud of the compassionate, kind and thoughtful young woman you have become. You are beautiful both inside and out. I pray that God's Spirit comes to dwell deeply within your heart and soul ~ transforming you from grace to grace each day. I love you dearly, sweet niece, and consider it a privilege to share in your life. May "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace."

Amazing Creatures

2008-04-23T22:42:00.003-04:00

I saw this while browsing a couple of weeks ago - truly amazing. I wonder what other animals have such great perspective...

Elephant Paints Self-Portrait

I couldn't figure out how to link from the pic (great pic, even, hmm?) but I can add the video link here

Enjoy one of God's masterpieces ~

By God's Design

2008-04-15T14:52:00.003-04:00

I love how God is in the little things every day. When we forget He is sovereign and cares about our every need, (well, I do that often enough, you may not) He sends us a gift of experience to show us that He truly is orchestrater of all things.

Today (actually, last week now since I am finishing this post from a draft) I went to a ladies Bible study I had not been attending regularly. I did not do the homework, though I have the book; I didn't even know what week they were on. When I woke up, my intention was not to go, but to stay home and catch up on the many things that needed to be done...but as my morning geared up today, I felt God leading me there, so I changed plans.

The study itself was wonderful (Beth Moore study, this week about submitting to Christ's yoke and allowing Him to be the potter in our lives - very good teaching and inspiring thoughts), but the week's topic was not the main reason I was called to be there (I had thought perhaps it would be). At the end, as I was preparing to leave, one of the ladies asked if there was anywhere in town to purchase dyeable shoes for a formal wedding. Many ladies shared ideas and information, but each was something she had already tried (with the exception of ordering online, but her feet are hard to fit and she needed them by this weekend). She had been to the local store that was suggested, where another lady had just purchased a pair last week, and was told by the manager that they did not have any.

Would you believe (well, of course you would believe, but this tickles me!) that I had seen a pair in my daughter's garage cubby just days before, and had taken note of it for some reason. They had been playing dress up and pulled out some old shoes I had worn in a wedding, that I had never dyed, that had been in one of the kids closets for YEARS. The girls had only recently moved them down to their dress up box, and who knows how they got outside where I would see and notice them...

I asked what size she needed, of course it was my exact size. I encouraged her that this must be the reason I had arrived and had seen the shoes a few days prior - because God was saving them for her. She wasn't certain as she had specifics - She couldn't wear high heels, and also required a looser fit in the back as she had a brace that needed to be fit into the right shoe. I was just certain this would work out for her since it was such "coincidence" all the way around. Sure enough, they fit perfectly, were comfortable with the brace, and she was amazed and delighted. I smiled so widely as she drove away. God is SOOOO good to us! It tickles me when he answers our needs that way.

When sharing this with a friend the next day, she shared her story of His divine prompts. She had been grocery shopping the day before, had been buying milk and decided to buy a gallon extra of her regular brand. Now, she has never bought extra, but recently our grocery store has been going through renovations and she had forgotten milk once because of not seeing it on her regular route through, so she felt prompted to get another gallon and just assumed it was because she was concerned she might forget again before renovations were completed (as they have moved the milk two or three times at this point).

She was just completing checkout when the lady behind her, who looked very frazzled with two toddlers and fatigued eyes said "Oh, no, I forgot to get milk..." Jenny looked at her and said "What kind do you buy?" Of course, same brand, same type (1%) ~ Jenny smiled, handed her the already paid for gallon, and told her to have a wonderful day ~

The God we worship is amazing. Each day He reminds me more deeply how much we are incredibly loved. Wow. I am thrilled to be a part of His divine plan, and so blessed to be used at times. Thank YOU, most gracious, magnificent One. Your are beyond compare! Bless You.

The Gift of Submission

2008-04-11T10:31:00.005-04:00

I have been reading some wonderful books lately ~ wonderful in how they are written, and wonderful in how they help me refocus on what is real and eternal. In Mary Kassian's book Women, Creation and the Fall, she states:

"Submission is the key concept to understand, for everyone is called upon to submit to God (James 4:7-10, Hebrews 12:9), and all at one time or another must submit to human authority. Believers who cannot submit to human authority do not know how to submit to God, for it is God who demands submission within human relationships. Conversely, believers will be ineffective leaders, incapable of fulfilling human authority roles, until they learn to submit to others. Submission is for everyone."

Jesus gave us the divine example for this ~ despite being God himself, he submitted himself to God's order ~ often stating that "I do nothing on my own, but speak just what the Father has taught me...I always do what pleases Him." (John 8:28-30).

If Jesus himself was always submissive to our heavenly Father, how much more should we be seeking to humble ourselves! How can we begin to know what is good and right and God's perfect will if we are colored by our culture and jaded by our own feelings and thoughts? The paragraph quoted above was referenced in Barbara Hughes' book Disciplines of a Godly Woman, which I have been enjoying tremendously. God has illumined me to senses that I had not (in my own self-centered approach to relationship with Him) fully considered. Mary's words are written near the beginning of a chapter on the discipline of submission. While reading this chapter, words and scripture leaped out at me and burned in my soul. I found myself excitedly putting the book down several times to begin writing down the scriptures that I so obviously needed to meditate upon and learn for deeper understanding.

The scripture in John, quoted above, is one I have mulled over throughout the years. I have understood its intention intellectually as well as softly in my heart, but have never grasped the depth and intricacies of its worth. What jumped out at me first, causing me to pause to re-read what I had been absorbing in this chapter, was this ~

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission." (Hebrews 5:8)."

Get that! Jesus was heard BECAUSE HE WAS SUBMISSIVE!! Wow! I would have assumed He was heard because He was God ~ but, NO! That is clearly shown to be not true. Even Jesus Christ, God's own son, was listened to because He loved and submitted to the Father (not to mention that God did not honor all of His requests, either ~ but that is another topic).

Our instinct is to please and serve ourselves. It is natural in our bodies and mind. We easily rebel against anything that is not pleasing to us. Submission is something we must work on learning and refining. If even Jesus Christ, God's sinless son, had to obey, how much more do I, a wretched, sin-filled human, need to depend upon God to come into obedience? Jesus' prayers reveal the intensity of His desire to submit to God's will, no matter the cost. I have to look at myself and wonder if I am anywhere near that pure of heart. Do I seek God's will no matter the cost to myself? Do I humble myself in prayer in order to be heard by the Creator of the universe?! I fall so far short of this glorious opportunity. I don't think it is in me to be so willing to give up all that I am for Him. Yet all that I am comes from Him, and is for His glory and pleasure. Thank God He provides us with the desire as well as the ability, provided we seek Him to do so.

What privilege we have to be allowed to speak to God on such a personal and intimate level! What grace He has given us to allow us to be called His children and friend! If I truly seek to be a godly woman, I must fervently pray each day that I will submit to God's will and not my own desires or ways...and I must mean it. I must reject the popular cultural myth that happiness comes from putting myself and my percieved needs near the top of my list of things. Though I am fairly adept at putting my children's needs before my own, and serving my husband at his requests, I still tend to think my desires are important.

What I must seek to remember is that God knows my desires ~ He has placed many of them in my heart ~ and He longs to fulfill me. My fulfillment will not come through my own desires, and His longings for me are not ones that sacrifice holiness or godliness. He takes no pleasure in fulfilling desires that will lead me to misrepresent His divine witness in my life. I am created to work for Him ~ through Christ Jesus enabling me, empowering, guiding and directing with His Spirit. Oh Lord, please let this be forefront upon my mind and heart. May my prayers be heard by You, that You may make all things in my life truly "good." May my heart be a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for all that You are and all that You give...and all that You have given, that we might be holy and righteous before you. Thank you, dear Lord. Bless you and Praise You. May my heart's only will be to lift you up and serve Your holy Name. Amen.

A Week of Things ~

2008-04-09T15:11:00.002-04:00

It has been one of those weeks where God has been the anchor as I have had to seek Him to keep my emotions on an even keel in order to support the family members around me. I have not been perfect, but He has been faithful. I am so grateful that I have Him to turn to...

Last Thursday evening we had a tragedy in our home. Our dear hamster, Cookie, not only escaped her cage, but also escaped Michelle's room ~ and the cats found her before we even knew she was gone. I can't begin to explain the pain I had from that...Michelle was absolutely devastated and I didn't know how to comfort her. I was even more devastated with guilty feelings as I should have considered that she does not do well in focusing when her step-siblings are here (things are much more chaotic and off schedule, and they had arrived on Tuesday last week). I also knew this new habitrail home she got for her birthday was less secure (the hamster had escaped a couple of times, but usually when in my room with the door closed so it didn't amount to life challenges). I should have made the executive decision to bring Cookie back to my room during their visit. I really struggled that evening with the sadness of my daughter, and my own lack of foresight. It was nearly excruciating. Even now I feel terrible ~ Cookie trusted us to care for her and she was totally behaving normal, as were the cats. It was strictly error in caretaking. Owww...

That same day in the earlier afternoon, my stepson had recieved a call from his mother telling him that he would probably be going to a military (or similar to this, I couldn't tell from the web site and he didn't know much) high school. He was devastated ~ but trying to rally and make the best of it. He is not a difficult kid by any stretch of the imagination. He is quite obedient and works hard ~ but the County in Florida where he lives has mediocre public schools and they have many private school options that can be "lotteried" for students. They don't cost extra, just require securing a position. The school he was won placement in was one of the two his folks had put his name in for. He had really wanted to go to the local public school, play in the band, and perhaps try out for football (which, from the appearances, was not as bad as some, but I don't live there so cannot know), but they were not for the extracurricular activities, and had recently told him they changed their mind in allowing that school as an option.

He has been to three different schools in the four years he has lived in Florida. Now he will probably be moving to another school where none of his friends will be following (as he did when he entered his current middle school from his first middle school). My heart was sad for him - he expressed feeling trapped and defeated, but then rallied and said that it would probably be great...and there was nothing I could say except that he should submit it to the Lord in prayer. Bless him, oh Lord - guide his heart and mind and direct his paths.

The next day my mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure. We were supposed to go visit she and my father-in-law to share dinner and celebrate my stepdaughter's birthday on Saturday afternoon as she hadn't been feeling up to joining us at our house ~ instead we visited her in the hospital Saturday morning. She actually looked better than she had on Wednesday when the kids visited her home while I worked, but she wasn't doing great. Today is six days from her admission date and I just got off of the phone with her; she was discharged home an hour ago. Originally she wanted to go home on Sunday. Her time on earth is shortening ~ only God knows the hour, but she has been struggling with many health ailments over the past few years, and visits to the hospital getting closer together, healthy days fewer. I keep praying she can release it all to our Lord and draw closer to Him ~ she is so unhappy with her health status and resigned to feeling bad. It is not fun for older people whose bodies are shutting down ~ she suffers from lupus, diabetes, and heart challenges (all related). I wish I could do more, but it is in His hands.

My stepdaughter got a call on Saturday informing her that she needed to choose which two of her family's five cats she wanted to keep. Apparently they were making too many messes and costing too much time/energy and expense for her parents. My heart grieved as I watched her struggle to come to grips with the terrible news as well as try to decide which cats had the best chance for being adopted out again by a family once they were given to the shelter. This was so hard for her - she is truly an animal lover. She had cried for nearly a day during her last visit when we told her that we had lost a calf over the winter (one that she had fed two times during her Thanksgiving visit, and seen once at Christmas). She is tender toward God's creatures - it is one of her beautiful gifts. I pulled her into my arms after she got done sharing the news...and cried with her in my heart - I really could not say anything that would help. Oh, the angst of a mother's heart. I can't describe what was going through my being - Praise God that He knows our hearts and hears the depths of prayers we cannot even speak.

On Sunday evening, Michelle got home with a bit more pep and distraction than usual. She had eaten foods containing milk products for both lunch and dinner on Sunday. (Which we had discovered at the end of December she is highly allergic to). This not only made home challenging, but school for her on Monday and yesterday was more difficult. She could not stay as focused and could not think as clearly. She tends to be more anxious and internally agitated as well as not sleep good. She also wets her bed for three nights each time she ingests anything cotnaining a milk product (even chocolate ~ it takes that long to get out of her system). This after she had been dry for nearly two full weeks was not fun for her. My former husband has always thought me to be rigid and wrong with the protective efforts I have instilled around Michelle related to foods. He has never fully complied with her dietary needs in the past which I had given up explaining, but this one I have been really clear about. I do believe he tries pretty hard but he is not fully understanding. I can understand how hard it is to get it re: what happens to a child related to foods if you are not living with her full time ~ but I wish he would honor things any way. I feel so badly for Michelle when she loses her abilities simply because of something she has ingested...and that it always takes so long for her to bounce back (three days is a long time for a child). It seems unfair ~ but not an unusual product of divorce. Praise God that He is faithful to deliver us, heal us, and bind up our broken hearts. Hallelujah that He is sovereign and wise.

Now, on the good news front (and there were many, many good moments over the last week, too - please don't misunderstand! I am just tired from the trying ones). Rose is doing better with the "loss" of her siblings this time around. She had so much anxiety around them coming to visit (counting the seconds and saying that we are not a full family until they arrive, telling me that she does not like caring because it hurts...). People from our church have been praying for her heart this time ~ Oh Lord, thank you that You answer our prayers and care for the smallest details of our lives. I am so blessed to see less stress and heartache than I have seen in the past in Rosie's actions and adjustments. Oh, thank you that we have a friend in heaven who knows us and cares for our every need. I am so blessed to be in Christ. I would not know how to begin to deal with daily life without Him. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all you have done for us. May I look at my daily challenges as opportunities to grow and glorify You. Amen.

Wise Words

2008-03-28T21:23:00.002-04:00

Our church sponsored a Sweetheart Dance on Valentine's Day. One gentleman who attended by himself was quite interesting to listen to and share thoughts with. His appearance was non-descript; the type of person one would rarely give a thought about had they seen him on the street ~ he looked to be a bit shabby and weatherworn, if I am going to share cultural truth (e.g. what we as a culture would label him)...but his heart, oh, his heart was genuine and kind.

As we were wrapping up the evening, we were talking about the changes in our culture with respect to speaking and self-promotion. He told me that someone had once share some words with him that he tried to keep in mind whenever interacting with others. What he shared was so easy to remember, yet poignant to consider, that I went home and wrote it down. I wanted to share with those who stop in...

Before we speak to others we must stop and THINK....

Is what we are saying...

Truthful (or is it partially true, and partially our own embelleshment)
Helpful (can this exhort or support the person we are speaking with)
Inspiring (will what we have to say provide encouragement or refreshment)
Necessary (speaks for itself)
Kind (or is it self-serving)

Wow ~ thank you, dear gentleman whose name I cannot recall ~ for your thoughtful words of wisdom. If only we would all consider these things prior to opening our mouths. What a wonderful world it could be. I pray that God put a bit in my mouth, and a hand upon my heart at all times. May He restrain my thoughts, which tend to race in eagerness because I love to share and interact and discuss things...and may He guide and direct my words to be pleasing to our Lord.

As for God, His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30)

This Is the God We Serve

2008-03-24T09:21:00.005-04:00

I subscribe to a site called "Godspeak" . The words submitted are prayerfully reviewed for accuracy to the Word of God as well as reviewed for theme and timliness. It is always interesting to see how a theme plays out from those who submit words from all over our country and world.

This site provides encouragement and heart challenging words...The word below was submitted today by the owner of the site, Teres Seputis. She has recently returned from a mission trip overseas that was filled with incredible blessings and wonders. I wanted to share what she prophesied as I know God deeply desires all of His people to respond to His call.

I Will Exceed Your Expectations

"Child of Mine, it is time to stop limiting Me in your thinking and in your expectations. It is time to stop setting goals based on your estimation of your own ability and resources. It is time to start seeing what it is that I want to do, and then set your expectations accordingly.

I am the God of all power and all might, and I can do all things. I am able to do far more than you can think or imagine. And I am inviting you to do amazing things with Me.

But at the same time, you must understand that I am not interested in the agenda of man; I have My own agenda and it is very important to Me. I am looking for those who are willing to set aside their own plans and goals in order to embrace Mine, just as My Son did when He walked this earth. My kingdom is advancing forcefully on this earth, and it must continue to advance. Yes, dear one, I am looking for those who want to advance it with Me. Are you one of these?

It is My desire that My own dear children work with Me to accomplish My purposes. I am looking for those who say to Me, "Here I am Lord, send me. Here I am Lord, use me." I am going to empower these ones to advance My kingdom, and I am going to change their thinking to better line up with Mine. I am going to show them what it means to walk in the supernatural and to accomplish the impossible. I am going to teach them what it means live in the realm of faith, and to see the mountains move before them.

This is a season where I am removing all limitations off of My people; I am opening their thinking to expect greater things. This is a time and a season where I want to show My glory and My power and My great love to all men, so that many who are lost might come to believe.

I am looking for sons and daughters who are willing to embrace faith and do this with Me. I am looking for those who are willing to learn to trust Me, to know My voice and to believe that I really mean the things that I have said in My word. I am looking for those who will stop being limited by the constraints of this world and who will start moving according to the constraints of My will.

Dear one, learn to trust Me. Then watch and see how I will bring My glory into your life. What need do you have that I cannot meet? What obstacle is before you that is too hard for Me to overcome? There isn't any such thing--for I am greater than all, and I can indeed do all things through My own great power and might.

But despite all My power, My might and all My great strength, there Is still one that that limits Me. That thing is the faith and expectations of My own people. They think too small and they limit what they are willing to allow Me to accomplish through them. That must change, because I have great plans. It is time for My people to put off their the things that hold them back. It is time to for them to expand their tent pegs and embrace a larger vision. It is time for them to walk in faith.

My people, I am able to exceed your expectations, if only you will learn to put your trust in Me."

Amen?! Praise God!

Awaiting Easter

2008-03-21T11:06:00.002-04:00

I love this time of year...the flowers beginning to bloom, refreshment in the air. As I drive around town, I look eagerly for the colors that are emerging, signifying new life and hope. God is always with us ~ He can so clearly be seen in nature.

The other day my seven year old took me outside to look at our daffodils, crocus, hyacinth and emerging tulips and azaleas. I was saddened to see that the deer had already eaten the heads off of many of my favorite tulips and some of the stems on my azalea bushes. I pray that next year God will resurrect the ones the deer have eaten; I am not sure if all of the energy of the plant is in the growing part or if some is still stored in the bulb. I will see... God can do all things, I am praying He blesses me with this one. Squirrels have also been busy and have dug up some of the smaller bulbs I planted late in the fall; there are a variety of holes in my flower beds these days. I pray they left enough that we have some joyful color to share with our neighbors. Meanwhile, I am spraying the beds with a natural deer and squirrel repellent...spring snuck up on me this year, and I did not spray soon enough.

That is so like our lives, I believe. While paying attention to the day in and day out events that are necessary to focus upon, we keep the upcoming possibilities and needs on our radars, but not in full focus. I believe this is actually how we ought to be, rather than trying to control and predict all things ~ submitting each day to our Lord and letting Him prioritize. However, often I realize a bit too late that I have missed opportunities to share His glory in some way ~ this, for instance. Had I sprayed a week earlier, the plants would have been saved and His beautiful creation would have sprung forth with a vivid beauty in parts of my yard that will not express such enthusiasm this spring. Is it terribly important? No, not really. Is it something I am saddened by? Yes, I do love the intricacies of Creation, especially in the delicacies of a flower. And, as I reflect upon why I went outside (my daughter's request) to look at the flowers, I realize that the still small voice inside had suggested this path at a time several days earlier, but it had been easy to push aside when dropped among the events of that moment.

God cares about what is important to us. He will keep us on a path that delights us while reflecting His face and glorifying His name through us ~ if only we would listen. Our job is to be available to His interruptions. Each day we need to temper our hearts and minds to be alert to God's prompts; ever ready to respond to His Spirit's whispers within. As the truth of the Resurrection is celebrated this weekend, I am recommitting myself to a more focused effort at attending to God each moment, versus being distracted by the life in front of me. Won't you join me?

Decisions, Decisions...

2008-03-12T09:50:00.007-04:00

I just love how God works...but I also struggle at times with hearing Him and knowing how He is working or wants to work in my life and/or the lives of my children. Does anybody else struggle with the strong desire to honor God while not knowing exactly what His plan is?. This is where I sit right now.

A few months ago I posted about not knowing what God would have me do regarding my children, schooling, my work...next year...

I thought it had been settled that I would be working 25 hours per week, taking Rose with me so she could attend preschool where I work (Wakefield School). The preschool hours are 8:45-1:15, so I could put the older girls on their bus, come in to work, and then leave around 1:30 or 1:45 (Rose could be in my office with me wrapping up), thus being able to support all of the children's needs in my life. This was what I thought God had planned.

Though this meant working every day, I accepted it and presumed that the extra hours were related to reaching the people I worked with in some way, as well as God's plan for our church (we could use some extra $$ right now, with my working so much more than what I am doing this year it would significantly increase our family's tithe). I also realized that, though it would tax me in my home manager role, it would still allow me to be a "stay at home mom" of sorts in that I would always be home when the girls were. My boss had even agreed that I could stay home the days our County had off when the private school was in session. All seemed good ~ but I still submitted to God (well, perhaps whined is the better word) that if this was not His plan, please stop me in the process.

Fast forward to this week. I recieved the acceptance packet for Rose in the mail over the weekend. Last week I had recieved my contract but it still reflected 9 hours per week. My boss told me that was a mistake in communication between herself and the headmaster, which she would rectify. The acceptance packet for Rose did not indicate a 75% tuition remission (which is provided for the first child enrolled by full-time employees). We cannot afford the cost her attending with me without the remission. It is a wonderful school; Bo and I would place all the kids here if it made sense financially as we really like the curriculum and teachers, but it really isn't in our budget nor, from what we understand, God's plan.

Anyway, I want to do what God wants me to do. I really want to do this regardless if it means I have to work full-time. Please don't misunderstand my struggle here. I prefer not working, but would do anything if I had assurance that it was God's intention. I especially prefer assurance when it seems to be in conflict with my biblical roles as help meet first, mother second, worker bee third. When I spoke with my boss about the confusion with the admission packet, we looked into things further. It seems that the Board has changed qualifications for full-time status to 30 hours per week versus 25 (which makes sense, but is not what it was a few years ago whenI was "full time" at 24 hours per week, working three 8 hour days).

My boss has asked that I change my hours to 30 so I can work this out financially...I was struggling with 25. My heart is not certain what is right. It would also mean Rose be enrolled in the extended day program, so a bit more money, and a bit more time in "daycare." I don't know what is right. The good news is that I don't have to decide yet, I still need to have this change (even to 25) agreed to by the headmaster, who has always stated to me that he would love to have me here full-time, but has budgeted me for 9 hours. The only reason he would not be able to change my contract would be if he could not come up with an appropriate salary.

So, God is in control again. If the headmaster can come up with a salary that supports 30 hours, I am going to presume it is God's will, since I am not hearing Him clearly otherwise and am too emotionally close to this to discern. Salaries are set based upon projected students' attendance since 93% of the school's income comes from tuition. My boss was not sure he could come up with the extra salary funds since he has already worked the budget and plan.

I have been fasting and praying for leading about this, among other things, this week. Please pray with me that God will lead clearly, and the ultimate decision reflect His will. He has a plan for Rose and myself, of this I am assured ~ ultimately, it will be for the good of more than us, so I wait and pray to know His will, that I might submit and be joyful...join with me in trusting Him.

Thanks ~

Weekend to Remember

2008-03-10T14:56:00.000-04:00

Bo and I were privileged to getaway this past weekend at Family Life's Weekend to Remember marriage conference. This is our third visit in four years. Each time we have attended, we recieve something new to bless our home and hearts. This past weekend was absolutely our best time thus far.

Our five years of marriage have been characterized by many pitfalls and landmines that God has been pulling us through to heal and restore in order to deliver our family into a new land, replete with milk and honey (Isaiah 61:1-3 has been a blessing here). He has been promising me that assuredly He will repay us for the years the locusts have eaten (see Joel 2:19-27), provided I trust in and abide in Him and His truths versus keeping my eyes on my apparent circumstances at any given moment. We have recently been on the upswing of that promise, and this weekend became our stake in the ground. Hallelujah.

I have been praying that my husband would desire to renew our vows. I have also wanted to have a formal decision made where the children were witnesses to this renewal and recommitment. It has been the desire of my heart for about six months as we have been edging out of the mire. God called us together in marriage, He has a glorious plan, which of course we cannot do by ourselves...but to use us, He needed to change us significantly. We have been through the fires of change and are truly blessed to be growing in our awareness of His most awesome grace and mercy. Anyway, He has assured me over and over that I would be blessed, in time.

This past weekend, I could not stop crying ~ tears of joy, relief, renewal, deeper connection, illumination....I was so blessed at this conference. They sold large copies of the marriage covenant which I had wanted to use for our formal decision with the kids (they have not had this available at other conferences we attended), and Bo agreed that it was something he would want to do with me...oh Praise Him for answered prayers. Not only that, but at the end of the conference the couples were invited to partake in a renewing of vows ceremony if desired...and my husband stood before I did. I am so blessed and thankful. He really does hear our hearts cry and answer our prayers beyond our wildest dreams. Oh Praise God for He is faithful and loving and true!

Last night as we were watching a Hallmark movie together, really enjoying the end of our time before work resumed today, we discussed the covenant. Bo wanted to get the pastor who married us to witness (and sign for ) our recommitment on our anniversary this month...to carry the thread of where we began, and what we have walked through, to the place where we are now. He then agreed that we could have a small ceremony with the kids when his stepkids arrive for their spring break (ideally we would do all together on our anniversary, but we are a blended family and don't often get the ideals) ;-)

Oh, joys ~ thank you most precious Lord, for being the Savior of our souls, and the lover of our hearts. Bless you.

Our Hope in Suffering...

2008-03-04T10:09:00.000-05:00

Whenever I feel alone in a situation, despairing or confused, hurting or sure that I don't "deserve" what I am experiencing, I seek out God's Word. His Holy letter of love. God tells us that we have an intercessor who understands our experience. This intercessor, our High Priest~ Jesus Christ, lives to pray for us and work on our behalf... Amazing love!

"That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let su cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." (Hebrews 4:14-16, NLT).

Not only does He yearn to help us, He longs for more. He longs to dwell within us that God might be magnified and glorified. We fallen human beings, who are like nothing when compared with the holiness and majesty of our Lord, are the vessel He has chosen to inhabit and Love! I am amazed, humbled, and awed that He desires a relationship so caring and intimate with us. We are so undeserving and far from His righteousness in and of ourselves, yet He desires not only to make us holy and pure in His eyes, but to call us "friend." We are blessed indeed.

Friends, we are deeply loved by our Creator. He is our Redeemer, Comforter, Healer, Deliverer, Father, Brother and Friend. God gave His only begotten son, whom He deeply loved, as a living sacrifice, wholly poured out of His godliness yet walking in purity, that we might have the opportunity to walk through our trials side by side with Him. Amazing! God is glorified by our willingness to trust in this truth and walk in faith during hard times. Others are drawn closer to Him and His truths by our witness. Jesus assured His apostles that He conquered the wiles of the enemy once for all, and He told them in Luke 10:19 (KJV) "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." We must cling to His many assurances during rough times!! Such Hope in His power and grace! Following the above verse in Luke's gospel, we are reminded that we should rejoice because our names are recorded in heaven and nothing of this earth can change our eternal destiny when we love and trust in Jesus as Lord.

So, if we follow the commands recorded in Hebrews 12:2a and Psalms 55:22a (NIV), "fixing our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, and casting our cares upon the Lord," the promise is that "He will sustain us; he will never let the righteous fall." (Psalm 55:22b) Now isn't that good news?! It excites me so when I sit and ponder the magnitude of this promise. God assures us that if we turn to Him, not only will He give us the faith we need, but He will also sustain us and keep us from falling. Hallelujah! We can trust that He knows exactly what we are experiencing, and that He is more than willing to walk us through the pain. He wants nothing more than to draw us nearer to Him. What an incredible honor and blessing!

Having struggled through some extremely difficult circumstances in the past few years, I have had the glorious opportunity to put these promises to the test. Many times I hvae been on my face before God, begging for mercy and asking for the visible work of His hand in my life; seeking some assurance that all was not in vain. During one particular hot spot, He spoke to me through Henry Blackeby's book "Experiencing God." I can't recall how the sentence was worded, but what His Spirit illuminated to me was that God was not calling me to something that I could succeed at in my own strength, but something I could only prevail through while submitted to and trusting in Him. In this way, I could grow in faith, He could be glorified and others could be blessed by His hand in my life. It would have been easy for me to assume that I had gotten through things in my own strength if the trial had not been beyond my abilities to manage. Despite always praying and seeking God, I would never have been fully assured that it was His hand and not a lot of mine. I am far too self-sufficient by nature. God's power and might are most easily illuminated when we join with Him in God-sized assignments that we cannot possibly accomplish alone. Many of these involve suffering.

So rejoice, brothers and sisters ~ Our Father seeks to be glorified through us, through our love and obedience! Praise Him if He has deemed you willing and worthy to carry the burden of suffering with Christ. Consider it an honor and privilege! And when growing weary of the dubious (in the eyes of self) privilege of difficulties, we can consider the sufferings of our Lord and Christ which were far more than most of us could imagine walking through...and He did it in order to save us from our sinful hearts and destructive lives. "For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:3 (NASB). Praise Him.

Suffering allows us to share a deeper understanding of Christ's life, thereby drawing us closer to His likeness. "The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now, if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8:16-17 (NIV). Amen? Hallelujah! Such sweet hope!

On Love...

2008-02-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

All day I have been musing about LOVE...

What is love? Is it tangible? Is it cards, gifts and thoughtful guestures? Is it being there for someone in a crisis? Is it holding someone in prayer when they cannot pray themselves? Is is gathering many to surround the broken in fellowship and support?

There are so many facets to love; it is precious as a diamond, equally transparent, and hidden.

But to break it all down into simplicity ~ to Love is to Give
Give of time,
Give of heart,
Give of money,
Give of thought,
Give when we don't want to or have other things we'd prefer to do...

It was defined best in John 3:16: "For God so LOVED the world, that He GAVE..."

Thank you, Lord, for modeling to us the ultimate sacrifice of giving ~ God gave that which He treasured most, and that which held his heart. Bless you, our incredible God in Heaven. We are so richly undeserving, and richly blessed beyond measure.

Birthdays #2

2008-02-29T09:45:00.000-05:00

Our third birthday celebration since late January occured in mid-February (we celebrated my father-in-law's between the two girls). Michelle finally flipped in to double digits, and she couldn't be happier.

On the kids' birthdays, I like to affirm their uniqueness and special place in my heart. I decorate the kitchen the night before, get all the gifts out from family and place them on the table, and then I either bring a card downstairs to wake them with or I do something similar. This year I taped a written note to Michelle's door, facing inward (she has windows on her door) so she could see it when she got up to come upstairs. This is what I shared:

Dearest Michelle…Shelly…Mish…Ma Belle…Mishelly…Shell…Mishka…
May you always know how deeply you are LOVED by God and your family

On your tenth birthday, here are 10 absolute truths for you:

You are a child of God and He has bestowed His great love on you (Galatians 3:26, 4:6, Romans 8:14-15, 1 John 3:1)
Christ has accepted you (Romans 15:7)
You have been given the Mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16)
You are a temple of God; His Spirit lives in you (1 Cor 3:16, 6:19)
You are blessed with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)
Christ Himself is in you (Colossians 1:27)
You have been made complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)
You are a child of light and not of darkness (1 Thess. 5:5)
You are one with Christ, He is not ashamed to call you His (Hebrews 2:11)
You are part of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation…a people of God’s own possession (1 Peter 2:9-10)

And 10 of the things that make you neat to know…

Your tender and gentle spirit
Your heart’s compassion for others
Your willingness to try and try again, despite many challenges and unsuccessful times with learning
Your wish to be organized and efficient, and understand what all that means, despite your body and mind not cooperating
Your quick grin and quicker mind
Your eagerness to share new things you have learned
Your love of critters, bugs, and outdoor things
Your desire to contribute fun to others’ life experiences
Your acceptance of everyone, regardless of others’ judgments
Your passionate stance for what you believe in

Sweet Michelle, You are a treasure beyond compare. I know I don’t daily express this to you, but I pray that your heart experiences its truth.
Happy, Happy Birthday…I look forward to the rest of your life’s journey.

One of the greatest blessings to her this year was that her dad was willing to come join her in our family birthday celebration (we had a girl party on a different day, but we always have a family dinner on the actual birthday, with the birthday person planning the menu). Bo was scheduled to be out of town for training. Because he was gone, he suggested we invite Michelle's dad to join the celebration (her dad is not yet comfortable being around her stepdad in close quarters).

He came and share a few hours with our family. She was thrilled (he even gave some of his time to work on this computer, as I mentioned below ~ I was so grateful). I was happy to be able to shower her with blessings. He was even gracious with Rosie who kept climbing into his lap to "see" what Michelle was opening when she opened her presents next to her dad. Here is a picture of Michelle, her dad, and her sister.

I praise the Lord for every opportunity He provides to bring unity to this family. May He bless and keep Michelle's daddy and draw him ever near. Thank You, dear Jesus, for all you do for us.

Birthdays #1

2008-02-29T09:31:00.000-05:00

We have been celebrating many birthdays over the past few weeks. The first was for my youngest daughter, Rose. Her birthday was in January. Here is her picture; she is very proud to be four:

In my home, I don't host kiddie parties until the kids begin to ask for one. I figure that it isn't important until they want a celebration with their friends. We did have a family dinner and invited the neighbors (and their five kids, so it was a full house) who have a son that is one of Rose's "best friends." Here is how she talks "Mommy, can we invite Miss Ginny (Johnny's mom, used to be daycare provider for Rose) and my best friend Johnny to my birthday party?" It is so sweet. She tends to call everyone her best friend when she talks about them in a format that involves sharing time. I love that about her. She considers everyone "best" ~ I think God even suggests that we keep this in mind at all times as well.

So, since her big day, she has continually asked "Mommy, am I still four today?" I am not sure if she desires to be five, or is afraid she will lose her four status...she frequently talks about her next birthday when she will be five and gets to go to school with her big sisters, so she is probably hopeful that time will accelerate somehow. She still hasn't quite understood how a birthday comes on the same day each year, and that the year in between has to happen before the birthday arrives. We are working on that. :-)

So, to my precious Rosie bigosie ~ bless you sweet child. May God's grace shine down upon you, may your face be lifted up to His, may this year fill your heart with more of His blessings and grace that you never know a day without our Lord. I love you, my treasured gift.

Troubles with simple things...

2008-02-27T23:21:00.001-05:00

I had some difficulty with my previous post; I was trying to get the paragraphs to read as paragraphs, but somehow they kept running together no matter what I tried to do to rectify the situation. I wish I understood the HTML and could fix it. I am going to bed now. If you have experienced this problem, please share. I have had this happen before, but have no idea what it is and how to correct it after it occurs. :-)

Blessings to all.

Family photo op..

2008-02-27T22:43:00.003-05:00

Okay, now that I have completed 1/2 the birthdays in our house, I am nearly done with "frantic" pace of life and will be posting again soon. I have been having some wonderful times that I would love to share, but haven't found time to sit at the computer (except to fix it). I can hardly believe it has been a year since I began this blog. I am doing better staying with it this time. :-)

Last August I posted about waking Michelle (my now ten year old) to observe an eclipse of the moon ~ it was glorious. Just last week, I woke her again (this time at ten fifteen p.m. instead of four a.m., which was a bit easier) and we snuggled out back to watch this year's eclipse. What a great experience. While I was sitting next to her on our chair, wrapped in two blankets and a warm coat, I remembered why I do not enjoy night skiing. I kept covering my mouth and nose to stay warm, then taking the blanket away when she asked questions or I wanted to share something...Each time I moved the blanket away from my mouth, I had a visual memory of trying to breathe through the ice encrusted scarf I often use to cover my face to keep wram while riding up a mountain on a ski lift...not a pretty picture.

Bo (my dear husband) LOVES to ski...anytime, anywhere, and has wanted to go on a Saturday evening a couple of times this year. I used to love to ski, too (even used to wonder, as a kid, why my mom didn't like skiing..I think I know now), but as I have aged I have gotten more acutely aware of the cold and really just don't like it, especially at night. It is tolerable during the day, but just really tough for me at night. It is hard to see and way too cold on the lifts. I am even a "good" skier. I love to ski in Colorado; but there it is warm while you are skiing...Virginia weather is pure chill when there is snow enough to enjoy the mountain.

Anyway, I had been witholding pics and names over the past year to protect the innocent until I got approval from my former husband. He has now okayed my posting so I am get to share a photo of my kids from last year's fun snow/ice time (this year we have had lots of the ice, but not much snow). I actually blogged about this ice storm (it came right after a snow storm) last year, on February 23rd. It is almost a "one year anniversary" day :-).

This photo was taken of a photo, so it isn't really clear. I was using my mother in laws disposable camera trying to capture the fun the kids were having playing outside. They had just finished their "penguin surfing" contests. They couldn't sled really well with the icy crust on the snow, so they would try to run some, then dive on the snow/ice and slide on their bellies down the small hill, seeing who could slide the farthest. It looked dangerous so made me a bit nervous (lots of broken bones on the ice reported locally), but they were having so much fun...

Praying that the flurries I drove through tonight might bring with them some real snow this year. I miss the snow. Ice just doesn't do the weather justice (cold and ice, brrr...cold and snow, fun fun fun). :-) However, they have barely had a full week of school since Christmas due to weather related closings, so I guess it would be best to wait until March for a really good snow; maybe 12 inches of white around the fifteenth??...:-) We have had such before in Virginia. I'll keep you posted...

Computers...UGH!

2008-02-18T13:44:00.000-05:00

Technology is something else ~ very good, but also very frustrating for those of us who live in the perimeters of understanding...

My husband and I stepped up from dial up to cable modem recently. Part of the hesitation, aside from the obvious financial difference, was my fear of not being able to transfer the data and keep our Outlook/Explorer programs working. I knew things would need to be reconfigured, and was concerned that in the process I would lose everything. I had done this twice before (lost all things...but due to a virus, not changes/upgrades) and was intimidated by my lack of knowledge. Bo uses the computer even less than I do, basically just for email, so together we are not techno-savvy. Our kids are also too young to have the background yet.

Anyway, we embraced the faster internet service at the end of January following a few months of discussion, and an appealing offer from Comcast. We disconnected our dial up connection service ten days later. I thought everything had been finally debugged.

Over the past two weeks, we have had intermittent service. Sometimes we had to reconfigure everything, other times we had to reboot to get it working. We were primarily able to get online through Internet Explorer versus Outlook. We often had to check our accounts through the comcast website, if we got online at all. This left me somewhat nutty without my contacts and other things, but it was functional. We have also had some people tell us they got emails bounced back to them during this process. Bill Little, a dear friend from church, came over and spent an hour or more, on two occasions, with much the same results we had been getting on our own...sometimes it worked, sometimes did not. He tried to give us a secondary access through a laptop of his, but our computer would not read it. His diagnosis - our computer was too archaic (we are running on a 386...yes, for those of you who know, 486 was the first that had any pentium processing...). I thought to agree, but still thought we could get it working since sometimes it did work. I rationalized that it wouldn't have worked at all if it was the computer.

My former husband (Steve) then offered his help. He is a network engineer at the Pentagon, so I figured surely he could do this. This man is a genius with computers (not kidding; it is a true and incredible gifting). He worked on it the evening of our daugter's birthday gathering (and thought he had it working when he left). I called him the next morning to ask some questions since I couldn't get online again. He came back the next day and spent an hour or more of his time trying to fix it. He finally gave up as well. His diagnosis ~ this is intermittent, there is nothing I can do. Call Comcast. (He was astounded that we had Windows XP running on this computer, so figured it wasn't the comuputer since that was working, he thought it might be in the modem).

Comcast came the next morning. They got the same results we had all been getting. Good ip addresses at all times, able to get online while they were here, and didn't see anything "wrong" even though we couldn't get my desktop email program to work. The guy from Comcast actually consistently got online through Internet Explorer (neither Bill, Steve, nor myself had been able to do that). Of course, right after he left, I couldn't get online again (despite the fact that the icon at the bottom of my monitor showed a good cable connection, as it had for two weeks). I was SOOO frustrated.

In prayer I remembered a couple of comments from Steve and the Comcast representative about my computer. The Ethernet Adapter is connected through a USB port. Steve thought the USB converter might be buggy, the fella from Comcast thought it might be the port and had suggested I look behind the computer for another port. I got down on my belly and looked at the port and converter. During our past life together, Steve had labeled one of the two ports on the front of the desktop "10." The converter had "10/100 Fast Ethernet" written on the front. I put two and two together, and moved the plug over to the previously labeled port (mind you, it fit in the port it was in, and this port had been used for other USB devices).

Guess what?! No problems since that time. Praise God! Bo and I were about ready to "go buy a computer NOW" to get life smoothed out again. I do work from home at times, and this has been really upsetting to me because of the amount of time I "wasted" working on configuring and reconfiguring things each day just so I could get online to my work. I even went to the library one day to do my work. It was becoming an agitation. It is awful to know that we are so dependent upon our computer. I am glad I don't do my banking online, too.

Now we can wait and do some research before buying a new computer at a reasonable price, which we had been talking about purchasing after taxes. Phew. I am eager to get a new computer, after all, we do have one that could stand many upgrades. However, I hate buying when somewhat desperate as that is rarely prudent. This recent glitch has just served to prove to us that our plan to upgrade this spring really is a wise one and not just selfish.

Thank God for all our helpers, thanks falso or the opportunity for me to see that I really am not as illiterate as I thought for troubleshooting (though I did have a few major boo boos while doing it, Steve fixed those for me so they weren't irreperable). I am prayful that all is smooth again, though will not rest fully easily for a few days...may this recent thing that WORKED be the final fix.

Blessings on your day. :-)

The Hamster Incident

2008-02-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

Meet Oliver and Lacy...looking like most calm and peaceful cats... wouldn't hurt a fly, right??....

Meet "cookie" AKA "cheezer...She is absolutely adorable and I have grown to love her. She is sweet and gentle and really tolerant of the children. Unfortunately, she has to learn to be tolerant of adults and cats as well. Last night was the second time she has been terrified by cats because of adult error...

Bo (my dear husband) and I were talking in the kitchen after putting the kids to bed. Suddenly we heard a crashing sound from the back bedrooms. My first instinct was that it was the stool that we fold up and lay against the wall in the kids' bathroom which sometimes slips down, but Bo said "That's the hamster." We ran back to our bedroom and sure enough, it was a sight.

There sat sweet Cookie, climbing the walls of her toppled cage, looking a bit frantic (praise God she was even looking ~ I am so glad He covers for our lack of focus!). The cage had been knocked off our dresser by our stalking cat. He decided that he might be able to break her free, I suppose. Bless her heart.

I took Cookie out and tried to calm her while Bo went and got the vacuum. She was in "flight" mode of the fight or flight reflex. She could not settle down (who could blame her? Sitting there minding her own business when this looming giant prowler comes and starts attacking her cage and actually sends her flying over the ledge for a deep free fall!). I got out her ball and let her run off her nervous energy. That ball circuited the room over and over. There was no stopping in the corners or resting this time ~ just a hamster in a wheel, full tilt without exploration.

When I placed her back in her cage, she dove under her running wheel (we put it down at night so it won't create as much noise and she likes to nestle under it). This reminded me of the day I had heard her pull her wheel down on top of her when the cat was sitting on the dresser next to her cage. I was so impressed with her ingenuity at that time.

We had moved her from our daughter's bedroom to ours because she had difficulty keeping track of safety needs; frequently keeping the cage near the floor in her room, as well as playing with Cookie on her lap while Oliver or Lacy sat nearby. However, we also aren't perfect and obviously forget sometimes to close the door to the bedroom. Oliver has often been curious, but this newly assertive behavior has me concerned (who'd have thought this lazy cat would be so persistent?). I will certainly work to be more diligent of both of us (Bo and I) from now on related to the bedroom door. I mean, when you compare the two critters, who do you think would win??...

All Roads Lead...

2008-02-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

To His love letter.

I think this is appropriate for Valentine's Day week ~ God is always good about timing. ;-) I even see the snippet for today is "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every Word of God" (Luke 4:4). Wow (this is to myself, as I had these thoughts to share before logging on...how cool!).

In the past few months, God has put a hunger in me to really know His word in an overview format. For years I have done bible studies; several 32 week, deep studies and many shorter studies ranging from 6 to 12 weeks. In addition, I have read through books of the Bible at different times, for differing reasons. However, I have never actually read the Bible in its entirety. According to one of the classes I studied in, I have read 88% of the Bible (at least, I am not sure how that overlapped with what other things I have read), but I really have not just sat down and read it, as a series of books to absorb.

Since late October, God has had me on the path of reading His Word from front to back (though not necessarily in that order). He has shown me that He wants me to see the forest, and to step back from the trees for awhile. This is good for me, as I have been a tree hugger for quite some time ~ seeking snippets, verses, books, etc. that refreshed and revived me or that He led me to, but not just taking it all in in a relaxed mode. It has been really cool.

Then, during this phase (and no, I cannot read it like many who are "reading the bible in a year" ~ I cannot work that orderly. I read as I feel compelled, and will probably finish by late spring, but am not putting myself into a box to do this, or else I will fail), our Pastor had us doing "homework" in his current expository of the book of Galatians. Homework involved reading Galatians in several different translations. Since we have seven different versions of the Bible at home, I went ahead and read it here rather than using his internet options (though I printed one of them, as well, this past week). I have a harder time reading papers rather than a book for some reason (you can analyze it if you want, I just accept it as one of my quirks). :-) Anyway, as I digress here, I realized that it was a really neat way to hear God speak!! (Thanks, Pastor Scott!). I had different convictions in my Spirit based upon verbage and use of fluency in each different version. No Kidding, each one. I even enjoyed the KJV for a full book for one of the first times I can remember. There really is something to this reading to process versus reading to pull apart.

So, as I am daily reading through the Bible, versus reading and studying in the Bible, God is showing me the gift therein with more clarity and tangible meaning than I have ever before experienced. My areas of emptiness are rising up and becoming more pronounced (I have been having food cravings, with greater clarity as to when they occur than I had noted before) :-) God yearns to be our complete satisfaction. He yearns for us to know Him, to trust Him, and to be filled with Him, that we might grow in our reflection of Him to the world. His delight in us is so incredibly evident in the pages of His word.

I am learning that, despite my relationship with God being close and comfortable, the deeper levels come with intimacy with His word. The Letter He has written to us...with not a word unintended. Imagine that! Not one word that doesn't have meaning ~ oh if I could only speak with such clarity. I have found peace in God, I have found comfort in God, as I mentioned the day I hit my wall, I have found many things in God that have not been shakable...but the constancy of His joy has eluded me. He has shown me the answer, taking me on many roads in three months that all point to the same place ~ the fullness of His love letter, made complete in me. May I continue to be transformed "from glory to glory"(2 Cor 3:18) as I "taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalm 34:8) Hallelujah!

The Idol of Self

2008-02-06T21:26:00.000-05:00

I have been seeking God over the past two years to really find a way to decrease "self" and increase Him. It is an incredibly difficult task. Our flesh loves itself. Our desires and preferences seem important as well as harmless to God's plans. But, inevitably, each time I find myself in the wrong place; wrong frame of mind, wrong attitude, wrong words exiting my mouth...it is related to ME. My expectations, wishes, desires, etc. I could justify these easily many of the times. The justifications would be rational and appropriate for "any of us" and all would agree them to be "right." However, God is not any of us. He is altogether different; Holy and Pure. Praise Him.

A friend loaned me a book by A.W. Tozer a couple of weeks ago called "How To Be Filled With the Holy Spirit." She and I had been talking about Spirit and how we could allow more freedom to God's Spirit in our lives (and therefore more power for reaching others with God's love). We traded books (I had just read one that I quite enjoyed and found helpful), but I think hers was the gem. In one chapter, Tozer talks about the problem we have ~ asking the question "Are you sure you want Him to be Lord of your life?" He goes on to say "Are you sure that you want your personality to be taken over by One who will expect obedience to the written and living Word? Are you sure that you ant your personality to be taken over by One who will not tolerate the self sins? For instance, self-love...He will not permit you to indulge self-confidence. Self-righteousness, self-admiration, self-aggrandizement and and self-pity are under the interdiction of God Almighty, and He cannot send His mighty Spirit to possess the heart where these things are."

He went on to share many more great words. It was a wonderful impartation of truth. We so much desire the benefits of God in us, helping, encouraging, counseling, carrying...but we don't always desire to be set apart from the world. I find myself riding the fence on really desiring (e.g. willing above all things) versus thinking desire. My absolute willingness is lacking in many instances; I slip into double-mindedness when things heat up.

Further along in Tozer's book was a second book, with a wonderful testimony by R. Mabel Francis about her experience being filled, and then matured, by God's Holy Spirit. One thing she shared that really spoke to me was this (it was quoted from author Andrew Murray).

"Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to have not trouble. It is never to be fretted, vexed, irritated, sore or disappointed. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed and despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret. I am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness when all around is in trouble."

Oh, that I could become this way ~ Lord God, may You become my very breath...may I so grow in humility that You may be the only thing in me that is noted...Bless You, Lord God. I recognize how far from humble I am ~ and am reminded about how far down You were willing to come for me...Thank you, Most Holy One. Praise Your Holy Name.